<BR>I am so angry at myself for being such a push over! NO MORE!!!!!! I need to stop looking for happiness from a man who will probably never marry me and who will always need the attention of many women.<P>I was home sick yesterday and I had this incredible rush of energy and revalations that I'M the only one who can make my life all that it can be. I am taking control of my life and I am not wasting any more of my time waiting for this guy. He can sell the engagement ring, keep it for the next woman, give it to his mom or well, I won't go there! :-)<P>I found in a notebook from May 4th of this year where I wrote I felt this relationship was basically over and I felt helpless and hopeless and like the walking dead! How can I do this to myself.<P>Here's what happened to push me over the edge and really look at myself: My SO came over for dinner last night and left by 9 pm. I had a feeling all day that he was not right. I had to call him many times to see what time he'd be over, etc.. He was always "just about to call me". After he left I called and left a message thanking him for coming over. I called back a little later and he didn't answer his call waiting. I finally got him to answer and he said he'd been talking long distance with his mom. He said he'd call me back. I waited and waited and then called him and the phone just rang and rang. I kept calling for half an hour then I cried then I looked in the mirror and saw the most pathetic person. Ugh! I do not like the person I saw. I am the only one responsible for my destiny and crying is not going to get me where I want to be in the next year. If he loved me - he wouldn't do what he does. He wouldn't lie to me or search out another woman by answering personal ads (while we're engaged). THIS IS NOT RESPECT! How could I have been so stupid?!<P>I am moving on and UP! I have pulled the welcome mat.<P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by LadyK (edited October 01, 1999).]

Good for you. You deserve better then the treatment you were getting from you SO. I know it will be hard and lonely. I wish had words of wisdom to give you. But do look in the mirror and tell your self that YOU deserve the BEST that YOU are a very SPECIAL and IMPORTANT person and you WILL be ALRIGHT. My prayers are with you.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

Hi there<BR>I feel the same way this can't be love. I am just about ready to give up on my marriage, I can't take the being alone all the time if this is what it is about "being alone and wondering all the time" then I can do that on my own minus, the wondering because that will no longer be my problem will it?<BR>Very doewn again today H got back again at 4.40 am this morning I think I am through with this, going home noe to cry my eyes out for wasted time and love given to the wrong person, not that I know who the right person its perhaps that person it me and my kids and to hell with him and all of his ****ty issues and mistreatment of me !!<BR>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

<BR>Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Yes, it may be lonely and hard, but it has got to be better than living through lie after lie and hurt after hurt!<P>I know I will someday make someone a great wife! I always thought my standards were too high, but not anymore. I'm just wondering now how I'll know the next time. I will probably question everything because of this latest experience.<P>I have 2 incredible boys who will be the recipients for ALL my love and time. <P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR>

Hi Lady K,<BR> GOOD for you....you are very wise in my book, you deserve to be respected and treated well and a man who will treat you like this NOW will not be a good one. For those of us dealing with infidelity most of us had spouses who DID treat us with respect and that is why we have waited for them since the infidelity has made them into people who are the opposite of how they used to be. You would be starting out with someone who treated you badly. Now is the time to get out there and find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated.......Lu

<BR>Jenny,<P>I am going to work on my strength in stopping relationships in the beginning when I see the signs, but am clouded by the love. I've been tolerant over the past 2 years with this guy and if I had just stopped him in his tracks way back in the beginning I would probably be with a wonderful man right now.<P>What a waste!!<P>Good luck to you!<P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR>

<BR>Lu,<P>I am FINALLY realizing that life with this man will be pure hell! He is a great person, just not the one for me.<P>He has many issues from his past and I just don't have the energy to coddle him and cure him.<P>I feel as though I should have my masters in psychology from this past year with him.<P>So...... I am making plans for organizing the rest of my life. The boys and I are going to Disney this month (first time for all 3 of us) and I'm joining Parents Without Partners to meet people in my situation and to fill our time with activities. FUN is my key word now.<P><P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR>