I know, technically, I do not belong here, because I am not married, and I'm not building a marriage.

The reason I ever came here, is because I was once married, and never had a place to go for support. I had hoped to offer support for some of the painful things that occur during marriage.

I had to deal with infidelity, alcholism, drugs, just about all the things you could imagine, accept wife battering. Although, in my opinion, emotional abuse can be just as bad.

I had hoped, that by coming here, I could learn some things about marriage, so I wouldn't make some of the same mistakes, should I meet someone, and get married again.

Well, I did meet someone, 3 years ago. I really thought God had brought me someone to be happy with, and share the rest of my life with. We had been thru alot together in the last 3 years. He had been thru some of the same stuff that I had been.

But tonight, we broke up. It was just too hard to come together with the both of us having children from previous marriages.

He couldn't make the living here that he could somewhere else. I live in a state where it is very difficult to make a living. With him being a single father, he had to move, in order to support his kids.

I, on the other hand, can not leave, yet. I have 3 teenage daughters. Twins that are about to graduate this May. And one who will graduate next May.

The problem is, is having a long distance relationship, and being apart for another year. It's too much for him, and to be honest, it's been hard for me, too. We simply just cannot be there for each other, right now.

So, it's over. And I'm feeling some overwhelming pain. I'm lost. After my previous marriage, I really thought this one was different.

This is only the 2nd serious relationship I've ever had in my life. I'm devastated.

So, I just wanted to get this out. I have become attached to some people here, even though I know I don't really belong here. This has been a great place for me to gain some insight, and to learn, so if I were to get married again, I would make sure that it wouldn't be like the last marriage. I guess I was hoping to build something solid before entering marriage.

Well, I guess that's not happening. God must have intended for me to remain single. Somehow, I need the strength to accept this, and move on.

Thanks to all who have accepted me here, even though I'm not married or building anything. I wish you all the best, and hope that you will find the happiness and strength in your marriages, that you've been seeking for so long. I really do.

Take Care...

Jennifer

Oh just wanted to send you a hug.

And another one.

I can feel the hurt and pain in your post.

I will pray for you tonight. When we need strength, God simply says to ask...and I will.

Thankyou, Tex. Your words are bringing tears to my eyes. I really needed to hear that, right now. Thankyou...

God, I am in sooo much pain, right now! We were engaged. I have a ring. I need to find a way to send it back to him, along with my hopes and dreams.

One minute, I'm fine, and I think this is for the best, and the next minute, I'm flooding with tears. I cannot believe this!

I guess I'm officially on the roller coaster, once again...

I need prayers...

Jennifer-

I am so sorry. Please do not feel that you do not belong here. Most of us would NOT be here if we had taken the proactive approach you are. You want to have a healthy relationship and are working to make that happen. You belong here as much as anyone.

Be kind to yourself in the coming weeks. It is never easy when a relationship ends, but especially when it ends because of circumstances like this. Maybe, in time, you can get back together when you can live near one another.

{{{{{Jennifer}}}}}

Please don't leave this forum, you belong here. You are in my thoughts tonight.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Thankyou, Improving. These are things I need to hear, right now. It is bringing me some comfort during a very sad time for me. Thankyou...

Thankyou, UVA. It makes me feel good that I am welcome here. I am truly attached to this place!

I guess I need to be thankful, that I have only 3 years of memories with him, instead of 15 or 25 years.

I have sooo many memories here, of him. Just in the 3 years we were together. (It is weird for me to type the word "were".) Everywhere I look, everything I hear, everything I smell, I cannot escape this. HE is in another state, where I only visited once since he has left here. But I am left with everything, HERE! The places we went, the things we did!! There is not ONE place in this city, that we have not been together!

I am absolutely SURROUNDED with everything!! Even WAL-MART!! (He loves shopping...) If you wonder how one could have sentimental feelings at WAL-MART, just ask ME!!! There is not even ONE aisle in that place, that we were not together in!!

Even the GAS STATION has memories!! And I can't even go to another gas station, because we've been to them ALL!! And this isn't a small town! Infact, it the largest one in this state!!

We covered ALOT of ground, in this 3 year time frame!! Even in some of the surrounding areas!

I can't go ANYWHERE without thinking of him! I will miss him sooo much!

Gotta go, here come the tears, again!!

Jennifer,

Being a kid growing up with a father in the military, I had the opportunity to leave a lot of people that I liked, knew, and some I even loved. It never got easier. I never found a secret way to avoid the pain nor the loneliness. Just time, and getting on with my life and meeting new people. It always seemed to take a year, with the first month being sooooo painful.

But, here is something else that happened. In my life as a full adult I started to run into these people again. Some reentered my life even 40 years later. My point, while there is nothing I can offer you in the way of advice, I can offer you the certainty that there are other people out there and some are just right for you. But, I can also you the hope that perhaps in a years time, things will change and you and your BF will have a chance to be together again.

Don't burn any bridges Jenn. You just never know. Enjoy your daughters, and remember you are doing the right thing by making them first right now in their lives. In a year, they will have other things to focus on and you can move on or to whereever you like.

Do stick around, and hang in there. Time will help.

God Bless,

JL

Thankyou, JL. Your words are comforting.

I won't burn any bridges. We have agreed to be "friends", although, I'm not sure how to do that, at this point.

We ended it decently, telling each other we loved the other, and would never forget each other. And we thanked each other for all of the wonderful times we had.

So at least, it wasn't bitter.

I want to begin the healing process. The girls' graduation is in one month. I really need to pull myself together. It just makes me so sad, because he was going to be right there, by my side, when they graduated. He loves them.

But now, I get to share that time, with XH and his wife. And some of my XILs.

Gosh, I can't believe this!

I know that time will heal. I had to go thru this once before. I guess I should be thankful that this is not an ugly divorce, with custody issues and the works.

Thanks for listening...

Jennifer

Lord, my guts are so twisted in knots, right now. I truly cannot believe this!

I have forgotten all the feelings that go along with splitting up. The wondering how HE is feeling right now. Does he hurt as bad as I do, or is he relieved? Is he even thinking about this at all, or is it just another day?

He sounded sad last night, as I did. I miss him sooo much. I have forgotten how truly painful this is. And the NC is quite unbearable.

I had not planned on even dating until the girls were raised. But when they turned 15, they told me I should date. I had let my guard down, and actually fell for him.

Now, the girls are pretty much grown, and here I am, 37 years old, and again, ALONE! I should have stuck to my original plan of never dating until the girls were completely grown, when I could completely available to offer everything I had! What was I thinking, to think something like this could ever work? I had no idea that a second relationship could be this much more complicated than the first. I must have been either too lonely or dreaming!

Oh well. I got thru the first one, so I guess I can get thru this one, too. It's just so hard! This breakup is much more difficult than it was with XH. Because he was so much MORE to me than the X was. He was kinder, sweeter, more sensitive, caring and understanding and he loves the girls. So HOW could this happen? I still can't belive this.

Ok, I'm now rambling, and I could probably go on forever. So I'll quit for now.

I just want to say again, thankyou for accepting me here. I didn't have this place the first time around, but I feel grateful that I do now, even if this wasn't a marriage that was broken up. (I guess I should be grateful for that, too.)

I have moved into "panic" mode. I hate this sooo much! I know we weren't ever married, but it still hurts, as if we were! This experience hurts worse than my divorce did, many years ago!

I know this situation is different, but I really DID come here, to learn about strong marriages, so I could apply this to my future.

I guess this wasn't meant to be.