CFC
Fistly welcome ! Almost everyone here, me included, was as desperate as you when we arrived ! Most of us are doing a whole lot better now !
Next - you need to study CFC, and learn about the dynamics of affairs. Every situation is unique, yet the symptoms and phases are horribly consistent.
Your H has been subject to what is known on these boards as teh 'fog'. That is a cloud of reality-inhibiting justofication whoch is generated by affairs in order to drown out a WS screaming conscience. It causes a lot of rewriting of history and some hurtful statements, like the "I haven;t loved you for ten years" one you heard from H. Almot all WS look back at this time and ther ramblings wit great shame and regret when they recover. Your job is to not take it personally, your H almost certainly won't mean those words when the addition of his affair is out of his system.
"surviving an affair " by Dr Willard Harley is a GREAT book to help learn about affairs and their recovery. The articles on this site are fantastic too.
You can learn to avoid lovebusters, and to 'plan A' - that is to be all you can be as a spouse without being a doormat - so as to give YOU confidence and to ensure your H cannot deny the love he still feels for you.
The 'freedom to do my own thing, you're controlling' this is also a common fog statement. It is a way for him to seek your PERMISSION to give him time to be selfish and have an affair, by convincing you its your fault.
So...by now you have studied affairs, learned to avoid Lbs and meet emotional needs in Plan A, and detached yourself from his spite. See, easy ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />. Its the hardest thing I ever did, CFC, but I did it and now my baby is back and bittery ashamed of the person she became for a while.
you SHOULD have trouble with trust - your WH just blew it in olympic style. You need to think about your boundaries CFC - that is the basic laws you require in any relationship you may have with your H.
Mine were ( and still are) :
NC for ever
Transparency
Investment in me and our marriage
This means if Squid ( my wife!) doesn't want to stay in no contact with OM, wanst secrets from me or doesn't want to invest in my happiness and safety she is at liberty to leave. You should thin about what you ar ewilling to take and what you are not CFC.
A lot of words there but I hope some are useful. Have LOTS of hope ! MOST marriges affeceted by affairs recover !
For some of the great advice I got in my early days see
THIS thread All blessings to you, and stay with us - there are plenty of smart folks who can help you as they did me !