STBXWH and I had mediation last Thursday. It seems as if he wants very little time with the kids. He only wants every other Saturday to Sunday and every other Tuesday. He wants to split only Thanksgiving and Christmas. He wants no other holiday or time with the kids, not even for their summer vacation.

Has anyone else ever experience the lack of time that a STBXWS wanted with the kids. I’m sure having the kids too much will cramp his style or that he just feels very guilty having them, maybe a combo of both.

I have a Parenting Plan that states I want him to have the kids every other weekend Friday to Sunday, every Tuesday, or Wednesday evening, alternating every major holiday, and for two weeks during the months of June, July and August.

Does the judge go with what he wants, very little time or what I want more time with the kids?

Pepsi,
I have been following your story for quite some time now
but dont post ( I had another user name, AKeeper ?? but lost my info so re joined ) But , there is alot of comfort in coming to this board and knowing Im not alone , so here I am .

I just wanted to let you know that I look for your posts and wonder how you are doing . I wish I had some answers for you . Would it be in bad form if I recommended another web site ?

My husband had a EA and it was over by the time he told me so take what I say with a grain of salt . But , sadly , you cant make him be a father . I would try to get some sort of agreement that he take the kids Friday - Sunday so you could have a break too but I have read plenty of stories about fathers ( and mothers )never showing up and breaking thier kids hearts . Its his job to keep a relationship with the kids . I know that he doesnt seem to want much of one but thats his cross to bear . Someday , it will come back to haunt him . All you can do is be a good , strong, mom to your kids .

LOL I hope I havent confused you . Just do what you think is best for you and your children , dont worry about what he wants or does .

Anyways , I hope someone with more insight can give you a answer , but I hope I have helped a little .

Dear Husband..

You realize that you are choosing to go from being in your childrens lives every day.....
to being in their lives 6 days a month....

I hope that you realize and are willig to accept the impact that this will have and the path that you are choosing for them..

I find no honor nor love in this choice...

the older ones will grieve the loss...
the younger one will view you as a stranger...

IF this is the path you are choosing..
so be it...
I for one will not see it as anything else but what it is..

abandonment of the children YOU brought in to this world and an active choice to visit sadness upon them....

I will now work on a plan to fill their lives with positive lights and positive male role models....
who know the own worth and value of my children...

it is a sad sad path you are on...

this is not a complaint or a threat..
it is the reality of you and your actions....

I will choose to show them how wonderful they are...
inspite of your choice...



why not pepsi....
that's what I would say..

ARK^^

Thanks for your reply AKeeper01,

So what website are you refering to? You can email me with it if it makes you feel better. lashell825@yahoo.com
True I know that I cannot make him be a father, and the truth is that he has already broken their hearts.

Thanks Ark,

I love the letter b/c it is exactly how I feel. Just don't know if I should send it since I am in Plan B and it would probably give him more justification and push him further away from the kids.

I disagree with you ever ever ever taking responsibility for his ACTIONS ....

he can NOT use you to justify abandoning his children which is why even in plan B I would say something about it...

pepsi lets be real...wild crazed rabid sabertooth tigers couldn't keep normal people...ie you or me....away from our children....

like water dripping on a stone...
speak the truth...

get a another family member to write him a letter...

preferably his mom..

dear ....

I was shocked when pepsi mentioned your plans to see the children...

disapointed that I raised a son who abandons children...etc etc etc...

I am sorry for your kids pepsi..
thier dad is making really really bad choices right now...

I'd say something though...
I would..

something
calmly
clearly
that hits dead on...
leaves no room for rebuttal..

what can he say..
but I love my kids...that's why I only want to see them four times a month...

puhleeease...

ARK

Morning !
I will just post it here ..... I think I read about the other site here so I think it would be ok .
www.survivinginfidelity.com there is a Divorce / Divorcing section where I see these types of questions asked from time to time .

I like what Ark posted ... your husband boggles me .
At least he isnt asking for more time to get child support reduced .

You are right Ark

I cannot just sit here and say nothing about his abandonment of his children.

Funny you mentioned his family members, they could care less how he is abandoning his kids. His sister told me a while back "well he is D you, not the kids" when in fact, he IS also D the kids.

I will send him an email something like the one you wrote.

Thanks AKeeper01, I will check out the website today.

I ask that you all pray for the kids & I, this is really starting to take it's toll.

peps..

in the end you are so blessed...

you hold in your hands the ability to lead and nurture your children in strength and stability...

the path will be very very hard...
fill your life and world with support for you and the children...

my best friends dad growing did this...
left their mom for his secretary...

mom moved back to east coast...
to raise the kids near her parents and other family...

dad stayed on the west coast...went through another two or three wives..leaving each one with new children in his wake...
called every now and then....

flew out....

pathetic is how my friend sees her dad now...

sees him for all he is....

her mom is loved ..surrounded by her grandchildren...

at peace for all the sacrifices...

you will be also pep...even when it doesnt' see like it...

find friends
find role models for the kids...

surround yourself with those that will help..
ARK

Email sent to STBXWH, Ark hope you don't mind but I practically used what you said word for word: I will give you citation credit <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Dear STBXWH

You realize that you are choosing to go from being in your children’s lives every day...to being in their lives 6 days a month....

I hope that you realize and are willing to accept the impact that this will have and the path that you are choosing for them..

I find no honor nor love in this choice...for the children

DD9, DD8, DD7 & DS5 will grieve the loss...are grieving the loss
and DS14m will continue to view you as a stranger...

IF this is the path you are choosing to have minimum time with them, so be it...
I for one will not see it as anything else but what it is…

Abandonment of the children YOU brought in to this world and an active choice to visit sadness upon them....

I am now working on a plan to fill their lives with positive lights and positive male role models...who know the worth and value of my children...

It is a sad, sad path you are on...

This is not a complaint or a threat..it is the reality of you and your actions...

I will choose to show them how wonderful they are...in spite of your choice...

how do you feel about it....??

I know it was hard to write...

ARK

keep a copy
if you decide to send it

goodly written <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Ark, overall I feel pretty good about it but it was very hard to write. I feel like if I don't stand up for the kids then who will. I know that I cannot make him be a father but hopefully the letter will smack a little of reality in him.

Pep, I already sent it and of course kept a copy.

Wondering if he will respond to it?

Okay, no response from STBXWH after the letter I sent him yesterday, I'm sure he got my draft Parenting Plan also.

Maybe, he is Plan B'ing me, ya think <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

hoepfully he's stewing....

like a large piece of meat in a nice brine...

stewing, mulling, chewing....

ARK

Yeah! Hopefully <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Can't believe that it has been one month since he has asked for or seen the kids. What am I saying of course I can believe it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

This is so sad, how can he totally disregard and abandon these 5 beautiful children <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I was sitting here thinking about how it has been 5 months since STBXWH has filed for D. He has missed every court date thus far and just recently came to mediation after rescheduling 3 times.

He has not been order to pay any CS or SS, my attorney say that they will go back but what good is that doing for the kids and I now?

He has not had to pay any consequences for his actions thus far. The kids and I have.

I have been in plan B for a while and I feel that STBXWH is happy about it. Has not even tried to contact the kids or myself.

Our next court date is May 10. Was suppose to be our final court trial but I think they changed it to the pretrial.

I am just beside myself and don't know what to do. It just seems as if noone cares that he is not being held responsible for taking care of his children. I am back on state aide b/c as of yesterday I am jobless (tax season over). I am in the process of looking for another job.

GREAT NEWS!!! I found a job <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Went to a Temp Service yesterday, took some test and they found me a job immediately, I start Tuesday, YEAH!

Congrats Pepsi things are looking up for you. I am happy for you....



Hurting

How do I respond or do I respond at all?

STBXWH called today, I let it go to VM. He was calling “about the kids” (I guess from the letter I sent 13 days ago). Said that he is moving this weekend and the next weekend he has to go out of town. That he can have them the weekend of the May 12th, to call and let him know.

First of all, he did not even ask about the kids, to see how they were doing, if they needed anything, etc. He knows my seasonal job ended (doesn't know that I start a new one tommorrow) and he has not been giving me CS but does he care how they are eating and getting by, NO. Does he even call to see how they are or just to talk to them, NO.

He has not seen them in over a month. He doesn’t even realize, or maybe he does, that the weekend of May 12th is Mother’s Day, and he is NOT getting them then. And also we have court on the May 10 so how come he can’t wait until then to make arrangements or for the Parenting Plan to take place. This is going to be another 3 weeks that he has not seen or talk to the kids.

He still has not even responded to the Parenting Plan my attorney sent to his attorney, or given me the rest of his financial info for discovery. Does he realize that our court date is on May 10th, or is he planning on doing another no-show?

I just don’t think his message warrants a response, without me ripping into him anyway. I’ll just wait for court and pray that most of this stuff can get resolved then. I just pray that he shows.

Thanks vent over

Okay, now I know the reason behind STBXWH’s phone call Monday.

His attorney sent mine a letter Monday after him and his attorney had a long talk Friday.

Get this STBXWH wants to add an extra week during the summer and he wants to add the other major holidays like I have in my Parenting Plan(wonder if the email I sent a couple of weeks ago, got to him or if his attorney told him to add them). BTW, I totally agree and am happy with this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Next, this is the kicker, STBXWH wants me to quit working for 6 years, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> wants to give me $1200/month maintenance but only wants to give me $1200 CS. Has he lost his freaking mind. How does he expect the 6 of us to live on $2400/month while he lives on twice that much? Oh, it gets better.
He wants me to make the house payment but he wants to claim the interest for taxes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> He is totally nuts. This is the man who was adamant on getting his name off of the mortgage in mediation. This is too funny b/c when I needed him to do so maintenance and repair work a while ago he told me he would not and to call my brother to do it.

I want to work, it is my break from the kids <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Well needless to say that I’m no fool and not stupid either but I guess he thinks I am.