Im just trying to find some advice on how to make my wife even consider keeping our marriage together shes talking divorce and all and we have only been married a year.. Yes I have made it a rough year.. Ill admit aruing yelling name calling all that bad stuff and more Ive never physically abused her or anything but she says im mentally abusive... which i suppose i am.. and I have been working so hard on becoming a better man im so young on 22 years old we just had a son a year ago and i love him dearly.. and i want to be there for him in a family enviroment not a weekend daddy type thing.. anyhow she left me about a month ago to live with her mom.. and i took the wrong steps kept pushing and trying to get her to see that i could change well she doesnt believe i can.. but I have alot already and i plan on doing even more.. I used to get so angry when she wouldnt come home at first and ive learned to control that and just trying talking to her which that she doesnt even want to do.. Ive found a job to help out and im working on my GED to become a mail carrier and make a good career out of it instead of these minimum wage jobs that make you feel like your working for nothing but none the less im working one now to help the situation out.. Ive cleaned our whole house.. it used to have clutter sitting everywhere that was junk i worked day and night on it.. ive began working on my sons roomm well what would have been my sons room hopefully it still will ive repainted it and everything.. Ive quit smoking weed.. which was a big problem to her and i just got sick of it its ruined my life.. I had anorexia not knowing it .. but ive worked on it and im gaining weight and stamina again.. but no matter how much i try she wont even try anything i try to get her to goto church with me or take a walk in the park or a picnic.. but all i get is I Dont Know.. I dont know about doing anything with you anymore and she swears up and down there is no chance that we could get back together well.. I cant accept that I want to take the pain I put in her heart out of there and rebuild our marriage.. i mean its so young and it seems like she hasnt even tried tho she swears she has tried everything well now its my time to try and failure is not an option I cant accept not being able to live with my kid and watch him grow up and teach him how to play baseball and all that good stuff i could never imagine another man being there in my place.. I wouldnt be able to live with that.. she swears she doesnt want anyone else ever but i know that isnt true after awhile she would find someone else .. im just so lost and im trying so hard to be a real man and a real father I want my marriage to last but I dont know what to do when she doesnt even want to try anymore this pain of being away from my son is absolutely agonizing and i dont think i could live with this the rest of my life only seeing him a few days a week or something can someone please help me I would really appreciate it.. Thanks

if she's "given up" on the marriage then there isn't much you can do. first i would find that out. before i left we had three "come to jesus" meetings with each other and after each one her response/lack of action were so prononced that i knew it was sooooooooooo over. obviously counseling should be suggested and tried. it has only been a year and that's always tough especially with the stresses you have brought, admittedly.

i tried to save mine. in the end you have to recognize her lack of care and or lack of trying to care as the sign that it's over.

but before you get that far, see someone together. an objective viewpoint may help her understand her frustration.

most important, communicate hardcore. remember the movie cool hand luke and later the guns n roses song civil war? "what we have here is, a failure to communicate." you don't want or need that. that was the theme to my marriage and now divorce.

good luck

HI Patrick,

Sorry no one answered you.... you should post this on General Questiuons II there are a lot more people there...

This is hard.... BUT YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

READ ALL YOU CAN HERE....LEARN HOW TO BE A BETTER HUSBAND... FIND OUT WHAT NEEDS YOU HAVEN'T MET FOR YOUR WIFE.....

And... Pray.......I'll answer more if you're still there..

GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS... FRANK

Hi TB

Your situation hits home with me because my marriage has had some similarities.

My H has also been very verbally and emotionally abuse for years. If you asked him he would say that he has never laid a hand on me so he is not abusive. Many times his words have cut so deep that I almost wish he would just punch me because it would be alot less painful. If she feels you have emotionally abused her, then address that. Ask for her forgiveness and seek out some anger management or counseling. Show her you are making the steps to change whatever it is about you that makes you abusive to your partner. Maybe you had a crappy childhood? I know my H did. He swore up and down that he would never be like his dad, but in my opinion he is worse.

As for the weed. Get all that crap out of your life. I know my H smoked and it was always something we fought about. He thinks it is no big deal, but never had to be the one living with the constant mood swings. He also said that it was just weed, no biggie, he would never do anything else. Fast forward to this past year, I find out 3 months after my d was born that he has been doing cocaine as well. Drugs are a big deal and you aren't doing anything for yourself, your child, or your marriage by continuing.

You have a 2 yr old son. You must make the steps to be the best father possible as well as the role model he needs to grow up into a good person. You are the male role model. Take this seriously, he will look to you.

I know in my case actions speak louder than words. This may also be true of your wife. She probably thinks you are all talk. She may have heard it all before. Showing her you mean what you say is crucial. It sounds like you are begining to understand this and you are making an attempt to show her.

Read all you can on this site. You are both so young. The first year of marriage is really tough.