Im just trying to find some advice on how to make my wife even consider keeping our marriage together shes talking divorce and all and we have only been married a year (Together 3 Years).. Yes I have made it a rough year.. Ill admit arguing yelling name calling all that bad stuff and more Ive never physically abused her or anything but she says im mentally abusive... which i suppose i was.. I cant afford Counseling thats why im here.. and i doubt she would go anyhow ive mentioned and all i get is I Dont Know which means No.. I have been working so hard on becoming a better man im so young 22 years old we just had a son a year ago and i love him dearly.. and i want to be there for him in a family enviroment not a weekend daddy type thing.. anyhow she left me about a month ago to live with her mom not the first time but its way more serious this time.. and i took the wrong steps kept pushing and trying to get her to see that i could change well she doesnt believe i can.. but I have alot already and i plan on doing even more.. I used to get so angry when she wouldnt come home at first and ive learned to control that and just trying talking to her which that she doesnt even want to do.. Ive found a job to help out and im working on my GED to become a mail carrier and make a good career out of it instead of these minimum wage jobs that make you feel like your working for nothing but none the less im working one now to help the situation out.. Ive cleaned our whole house.. it used to have clutter sitting everywhere that was junk i worked day and night on it.. ive began working on my sons roomm well what would have been my sons room hopefully it still will ive repainted it and everything.. Ive quit smoking weed.. which was a big problem to her and i just got sick of it its ruined my life.. I had anorexia not knowing it .. but ive worked on it and im gaining weight and stamina again.. but no matter how much i try she wont even try anything i try to get her to goto church with me or take a walk in the park or a picnic.. but all i get is I Dont Know.. I dont know about doing anything with you anymore and she swears up and down there is no chance that we could get back together well.. I cant accept that I want to take the pain I put in her heart out of there and rebuild our marriage.. i mean its so young and it seems like she hasnt even tried though she swears she has tried everything well now its my time to try and failure is not an option I cant accept not being able to live with my kid and watch him grow up and teach him how to play baseball and all that good stuff i could never imagine another man being there in my place.. I wouldnt be able to live with that.. she swears she doesnt want anyone else ever but i know that isnt true after awhile she would find someone else .. im just so lost and im trying so hard to be a real man and a real father I want my marriage to last but I dont know what to do when she doesnt even want to try anymore this pain of being away from my son is absolutely agonizing and i dont think i could live with this the rest of my life only seeing him a few days a week or something.. I dont know if she is confused she says part of her wants to be with me and part of her doesnt but shes so serious when she says that shes done trying and she doesnt love me anymore.. though she doesnt hate me she loves me just not in love with me.. I dont know what to say anymore she has just locked herself in a box and wont let anything i say in..

Maybe I should be more specific to.. at first when she left it was we just need time apart well i messed that up by pushing seems as if i pushed her futher into running away which i understand is wrong now.. Everyone I talk to says give her time Im just scared to do that i dont want to leave her with all the bad memories.. i want her to decide on the new me and the changes ive made but if she not around to see them how will she ever know.. they say she will begin to miss you if you leave her alone but if she doesnt have any feelings for you anymore how will they miss you is she just using tough love on me to straighten me up if thats the case its really really tough love Im hoping thats the case.. Im afraid she will find someone new if i back off for a couple months and not talk to her.. but i could see where it helps also I just dont want things to keep getting worse i guess.. maybe im trying to hard.. and shes feeling trapped.. I just wish i could get things back to where she said we just needed time apart.. she decided in 2 weeks that she was done trying that doesnt seem like much thought on a marriage when a child is involved if you ask me or is she just trying to keep me away since i wouldnt leave it here alone at first when she left by saying she wants a divorce and stuff Im so new to this marriage stuff.. I know you all think this is probablly puppy love that will never work anyhow but i really love this woman with all my heart i would do anything for her i just wish i could get her to see that and that i dont want to change back to my old ways and my bad attitude.. but yet i want her to see that ive changed this is such a mess man i feel like im having a nervous breakdown its making me not even wanna try anymore though i will never give up I gave her my heart at the first kiss and now i cant get it back please help if anyone can ..

She specifically said "I love you just not in love with you". That, my friend is a huge red flag that there is another guy in the picture. It may not be the case as I guess anyone could really say that line but it is a line SO OFTEN used by wayward spouse's we have an ancronym for it ILYBNILWY (I love you but not in love with you...obviously). Again, don't be alarmed...just check it out.

I hope I'm wrong, though it could explain a lot of this situation. If she's cheating you can't change that but sometimes just knowing you are not crazy is releiving in and of itself. If I were you I'd do a little spying on her just to be certain. However, just in case I'm wrong you better not get caught spying as she'll really think you're a jerk. If you have access to her email carefully check it. Borrow a car, wear a hat and follow her one night when you have custody (and you let your parents watch the child), check your old phone bills if you can.

Some other clues...has she been changing her looks dramatically, new clothes, going out with girlfriends especially single ones, secretive, irresponsible...just to name a few.

Assuming I'm right and she's got another man in her life come back here and we'll help you combat that.

If I'm wrong, then you need to keep taking the positive steps you appear to be taking to become a better man and father. I hope she is sharing custody with you and you should try to arrange a formal separation agreement. As you become and demonstrate your new found maturity your wife will hopefully come to see the changes being made and consider reconciliation. Try not to look at your changes as being made to win her back...try to look at this as a personal recovery...this is YOUR life. You get better for YOU. Doing it for someone else is just setting yourself up for disappointment. You only control YOU.

By the way, coming here and reaching out for help is a awesome. This place really has a lot to offer you. Stick around and learn.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

Thanks for the reply though i really dont think that is the issue it could be though you can never say never.. And she just started her first job a few months ago and she told me she had gotten a number and stuff.. and then she leaves a couple months later.. though I hear from my mother and law that she would never do that but im to the point where i dont trust women at all my mom has done it to my dad and now it seems like it may be happening to me.. I dont want to spy on her or anything.. shes a pretty honest woman i think she would tell me if there was someone else but maybe not she might not want me to know so i dont start anything.. Maybe if I asked her straight up.. if there was someone else so I can just move on Because thats what i would do I dont think i would want anything to do with her if there was someone else... I hope to god your wrong.. shes a good christian woman though so I know she wouldnt cheat so maybe that is why she left and maybe i should dig into that a little deeper and try to find out.. Ill die if she has found someone else after we just had a kid and stuff.. she also always says that she's sick of men and just wants to be single so I dont know if thats just another way of covering stuff up or what.. Im so lost and so in love and so hurt and I know Ive hurt her I just dont want to lose my family you know what i mean .. If there is someone else should I keep trying and try to prove to her I can be a better man and father or just let it be that way and move on.. I dont get love .. it feels so good but it can hurt so much.. I honestly think shes trying some tough love on me to straighten my act up to be honest.. because ive heard her talk on the phone to her girlfriend who's been through the same thing once.. we had talked that day and it seemed like things were gonna get better and she had told me shes only gonna give me another chance because we have a family together and then 2 days later it went all down the drain again because her mother tried pushing her into coming home.. and thats not what i want i dont care if she stays away for awhile i just want to know that i have a chance to come back into my families life so i have her mom to thank for messing it all up after we had made some progress.. so her mom kicked her out and shes living with her uncle and cousin now and they absolutely hate my guts so im worried about her being around them and them trashing me.. but my mother says that might be a good thing if she actually still cares about me she will get mad hearing them trash on me all the time... and it will make her defend me I hope so especially since ive been improving the way I have I just hope she starts thinking about who ive become now and not the old me.. because im becoming a whole new man.. Im just having trouble getting her to let go of the past.. anyhow thanks for you time and the information... I really dont think thats the case though because i have driven her away from me in the relationship and I think shes just tired of being in it and afraid to take a step back because she feels ill just go back to my old ways like i have in the past but i really am not going to this time I just dont know how to prove that to her before its to late since she wont spend any amount of time with me

Again...not trying to alarm you but just look into it. Wayward Spouse NEVER tell the truth. Sometimes they fess up months or years later but never in the midst of an affair. You must snoop and you must bust her yourself if you ever want to know the truth of what happened to your relationship. To bury your head in the sand and trust her is ridiculous. If you end up divorced you'll always second guess yourself and may be accepting to much blame for the relationships demise.

She is your wife...inspect what you expect. Get the truth either way and we can go from there.

Mr. Wondering