Im not to sure where to post this thread?
Im the cheating spouse,im not married to my bf of 4 years but i guess that been together for 4 years,having a child,buying a house together would constitute our relationship as pretty much been married.If i think about why i am doing this, i guess my first answer is that my boyfriend and i just started to withdraw from our relationship, i felt he just didnt feel the same about me after we had our daughter, all his attention goes to her, i know it sounds terrible,but i miss that little bit of extra time that he had for me.She is 2,and we have never been away for 1 night without my baby been with us,we kind of just stopped communicating, we hardely ever made love, and when we discussed our problems we alway agreed to fix them,but nothing really ever changed.He went out with his guy friends,i stayed home,because i dont want our daughter around people that are drinkin,or adult parties,so iether we would go but then i would leave alone when her bath time was due and he would come home whenever.He is a fantastic father,and when things were good between us they were good, he is a hard worker,and does still love me. My affair began last December i met R on a internet site,and we just began mailing each other, finally we met and really just hit it off.When i met i thought to myself that he is my soul mate(lol)i thought i was the only one who that would ever happen to.Anyway my boyfriend found out about the meeting a week after,im a terrible liar.It was all innocent then, and i promised to stop all contact,i didnt.I kind of had this romantic dillusion in my head that my bf would fight for me and this affair would just end. He didnt and i started seen R on a regular basis, my bf and i kinda split but still stayed in the same house,until financial issues were sorted.That makes things so hard,because we dont fight alot and then i know that what im doing is wrong. I have agreed that i would love for our relationship to work,im just so scared to say good bye to R,because what if he is the one?R says that as soon as i leave my bf,we will get engaged and live together and then get married,he mails me throughout the day,and is really there for me emotionaly.I do blame some of this on my bf,i asked for a more solid commitment from him as i said im not prepared to just live with someone,he said that he loved me,but it was just not the right time.I read through this and its all just a real mess.If someone is going through something similar or has please pm me. I do want to make things work with bf,i just dont know how too. i would love nothing better than to give our little girl a happy and healthy upbringing.bf and i are going to discuss things tonight, i did cut contact with R a week ago, and on sunday i broke down and went to see him,i printed out the article on how to get over an affair,and hoped that my bf would understand that this is also hard on me.But saturday night he went out,got home at 5am the next morning so drunk,i then got weak and went to spend some time with R. He is also going through ******,and i know that when i tell him that i cant see him anymore its going to kill him.

I can tell you right now, you will not get much help from these people here unless you are willing to make a commitment to NC with the OM.

You need to make the decision to do the right thing for yourself and more importantly your child.

bronbl,

What exactly is it you want here. S&C is right about you having to make the choice before any of us can help. We will not help you carry on your affair. If you want to end it and rebuild your relationship, we can help.

I will say that it seems you are getting played by OM. However, you are allowing it so who is to blame? As for your H, you need to decide if you want him in your life or not. If not, then tell him so and make arrangements for him to have as much contact with his daughter as possible.

But, you cannot make these decisions while in an affair, balancing off two men against one another. It will eventually hurt both men more than you have. It will hurt your daughter for whom you are setting a very bad example, and finally it will hurt you.

You have decisions to make, make them and then come ask for advice when you figure out which way to go. If you decide for OM, you really won't need our help. If you decide for your BF, you will need a lot of help.

Please think about this carefully.

God Bless,

JL