So my H knows everything.....he doesn't want to realy talk to me today. We've shared a few emails back and forth.

The reality that he may leave is so very real right now.

I don't know what to do.....someone please chime in here.

sadandconfused, I am a relatively new FWW so I will allow some veterans to chime in here, but I wanted to at least offer you encouragement for coming clean with your H. THAT is a huge first start, and, as long as at least one spouse wants to recover in the M, there is hope. I am praying for both of you

s&c, just be as compassionate as possible with him and answer any questions as honestly and openly as possible. Doing that will make it MUCH EASIER on you in the long run. Because if something comes out later that was withheld, he will have another D-Day.

Have the others discussed with you the importance of no contact and sending the no contact letter?

Hopefully, he will let us help him and y'all can work through this. It WILL NOT be easy and hopefully you understand this. It will take months for him to recover. But, it will be worth it if you use this program, because the payoff will be great.

You did the right thing, s&c. This was the first step in repairing the damage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It might be helpful to give him this article with your suggestions for implementation:

Four Rules to Guide
Marital Recovery After an Affair
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

ML - Yes, I wrote a NC letter months ago, H looked at it, and I sent it.

Coming clean with ensure NC. Like I've said in the past, I know what I have done; I am owning my behavior. All I want is my H and my family.

Not back to where we were - better than that. I know we can get there - IF H wants to.

s&c,

Do NOT lie about ANYTHING.

Do NOT lie about ANYTHING.

Do NOT lie about ANYTHING.

sad - just wanted to say that I admire your integrity.

For your husband, all I can say is that I know how he feels and I suggest he step back and look at your family as a whole and be thankful for the opportunity to keep it together. I didn't get that chance. This doesn't mean it's gonna be easy, just that NOT giving recovery a chance is a certain family ender.

I believe the measure of a man is not his pride, but his humility.

WAT

WAT - Thank you. I know I am the evil one, who did very evil things.

I am trying not to put myself down, rather lift me and my family up!

Strange to say, but perhaps this is the wake up call H and I needed to make our marriage truly wonderful. I never felt that close to him and now, with all secrets out in the open, I'm getting that feeling already. I know this is going to be hard, I just want his trust again. I am no fool - this could possibly take a very long time.

I'm not going anywhere - I have all the time in the world to work on my marriage!

God bless.

S&C,
This is what is refered to as the "roller coaster". It will go up and down for awhile, so try not to panic.

You've gotten some advice to let your husband know that you're there for him, and to answer all of his questions honestly, but don't crowd him. That's good advice. In some ways, it will be helpful that your affair has been over for awhile and you're not still in the early, hardest phase of withdrawl. But on the other hand, you'll need to give your H some time to catch up and process all of this.

My H actually found out about my A the same night I was planning to tell him -- I had been posting here, had made the decision to tell him, and forgot to turn off the computer when I took our kids out trick-or-treating. He read all my posts... and when I came home, he took me aside, put his arms around me and said "I'm going to make this easy for you. I read MB. I know." He stayed totally calm. Even said things like "Did he hurt you?", "A person is not defined by one bad deed. And I know you're a good person." and, "I know I've neglected you for a long time."

However... 48 hours later he came home from work in a terrible mood and said "You know, all day I've had images of you with him running through my mind. And it occured to me how little you cared for me while you were out screwing some other guy. The one thing we always had between us was trust. And now we don't even have that anymore. I don't know if I can ever trust you again, and I don't even know what I want to do anymore." He didn't speak to me the rest of the night.

Since then, we've been up... and and we've down... but things are beginning to level out. The point is... I think most people who go through this have a similar story. So try to hang on and know that if you're H is having a bad day or a bad moment, it won't last forever.

I think it's a great sign that he's posting here. I doubt he'd do that if he didn't care about you and your marriage.

Hang in there S&C... you've already come a long way just in the short time that you've been posting here.

Love & Hugs,
--SC

SC - You have no idea how much I appreciate your words. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

I have no doubt that there are going to be good days and bad days. Lots of tears, I am sure.

Either we will make it, or we won't. And I want to make this work more than anything. I think my H and I both neglected eachother for a while and now it's time to work on US.

You have no idea - him posting here. It is HUGE for him. H is a very private man, I was shocked to see his post this morning.

We've had some communication this am and he did say, "....I don't want to leave....." But I know that is his comment now, tonight we he looks at me (if he can) he may feel completely different.

Like I've said earlier....minute by minute!