I am wondering...

If a marriage is bad before the affair.. and then there is an affair. or many affairs or one striking back at another set of affairs.. abuse.. name calling, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness..ect ect...then how in the world or where in the world do you find the umph to try and begin again? or do you even want to? what is there to use to begin?

OR..

How about that you try and try to change and fix yourself.. after blaming mainly yourself for the bad marraige, you try your best to do it all good and change things they hate..
and you end up 2 years down the road to then look around and say.. OK WHAT IN THE HECK WAS I FIGHTING FOR ANYWAY????

Why do I ask?

Because... this is where I am at. I am not sure what I was fighting for. I am certainly the best wife in the universe or best person.. but I sure try to be a decent human. I am looking around my life, listening to the balogna I am dished every day about the idiot or what ever I am ...and wonder ISNT THIS THE REASON I LEFT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

I feel like I am an idiot for fighting for something that never exsisted. I am not sure where I got the.. I cant do better theory? (not that I want another person ruling my life).. but UGH?

I am not really sure what I am asking I suppose... but I do know that I am in an unhealthy marraige. I was told I should draw the line .. and this is what unfolded...

...My H had the day off.. I got up late.. as a result we missed the school bus. I drove the kids the 8 miles to school.. we always leave at 7:15am (if they catch the bus we have to leave by 7) so that we would be to school by 7:30.. and that leaves a little extra time "just in case". My H questioned the time frame. WHY?? IF IT WAS ME.. I WOULD.... and "that is stupid" and "I think it is weird that you have to leave at this time .. if you get the kids to school on time.. then you have a problem.." anyway.. there was more.. that i cant quite remember.. but this is what I said to him.."I leave this time every time I have to drive the kdis to school. It leaves time "just in case" and it gets them to school a few minutes early to get their stuff to their lockers.. ect..Please take your insults and your critizim and stuff them in your pocket becasue I dont care to hear them anymore. You cannot continue to talk to me that way, that is not loving someone. I cant take your meaness anymore and I wont stand for it anymore"

and he says..." DONT talk to ME that way.. you wont stand for "IT" anymore.. then just get the ****** out."

bam.

take a stand and get kicked out.

sigh..

(venting again?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />