Thank you very much ARK for replY in my prior post

My husband did nothing about us in all this time, we have a business, a dealership and all that he is been doing is work 24/7 on it. I kept asking to do something about us and he keep saying that on the time will help him.

I about 3 months he finally go to the doctor, for a check out and this doctor is the one I told him to go, basicly I find the doctor, I bougth two book (his nees her needs) one for me and one for him and send it to him, I looked for a physcolist and I told him about it and finally he decided to go to see him.
But can you see I am the one who is doing everything.
We talk over the phone or email and sometimes we see each other because his mom had a big surgery and I ask him what is what he wants and he said whe wants us to be together but not until he gets help. We dont have any childrens its just me and him.

When I told him about his profile in the internet he said that I was not a big deal and he already deleted.

So now that he is going to do something about us, that he is going to see my physcologist should I wait or should I do what you said. The thing is that I love him like crazy and I dont know if I can do that. I tried some many times and does not work because I called him again and basicly I am begging him.

I want to be strong and tell him what I want and give him like and ultimatum lets say like a month or so, Do you think is a good idea?

See lately my husband and I are seeing each other becaue his mom is been sick, she just have a big surgery(cancer)

And since then we are been talking on the phone but we talk about the business and about his mom but we dont talk about us. See he is going to see my physcologist, but I dont know if he is going to be able to help him and I am afraid that he is going to give up really easy and you are right he has do anything, I am the one is been looking for help for him.

I want to something to make him understand that I am not going to be waiting for him forever, I want to make him understand that we can lose me if he does not do anything about us.

See yesterday he went to see the physcologist and he said that is going to keep seeing him, he hopes that he will be able to help him.

But tonight we are going to see his mom and I would like to tell him that know he has until 06/30/06 to make a decision, then 1 year of being apart, I think thats enough time for him and at the same time I am going to tell him that I am going to work on my and that maybe I am going to better without him than with him.


Please if you can help me....

God why is so hard for me to make a decision.

Rochio

sorry rochio...that it took me so long..

and I would like to tell him that know he has until 06/30/06 to make a decision, then 1 year of being apart, I

IO say pick a date in your head..but don't tell him..telling him lets him coast along....
oh she's not going to do anything today....so why should I...

I think that picking a date in your head is good...
telling him pointless....

the question is is he planning on pursueing alternative relationships...
and
has he already done so via the internet

THEN rochio it is you who has to decide what is acceptable and tolerable in your world....

Do you think knowing him that he will be able to be in an intimate loving relationship with you....

really that is the answer you need....

It is he that has to really decide or commit to that..

No more begging..

infact be a little more mysterious...cut one or two times together in the next two weeks short...because you have plans .and are meeting people....

rochio you need to start filling your life with things as well....
people and interests...

you don't have children

you should not sit home pining for this man...\

you are NOT lovable or valueable based on HIS giving or taking of love...

rochio I know this is hard...and it is only my opinion but I think that you would be better served to start acting like he is not coming home....to strengthen yourself and accomplish things on your own....

he is dragging you down..
and dangling you...

small goals...
join a new group

go out more and tell him when you do talk...went to this new place...went here and there...go to places he likes and tell him what a fab time you had WITHOUT him...

uggghhhh..

this is hard..

ARK

Thank you ARK.


thank you for your support, I have been thinking in all that suggestions you gave me and Yes you are right in all this time he has do anything because he knows I love him and he thinks that he have me when ever he wants.

You know in the beggining I moved to an apartment and when my lease expired I come to live with my parents where I dont have an space for me and I dont feel confortable and I did it because my husband suggest that, he say that it was going to be for a little while and know I am realizing that moving with my parents was a big mistake, because I dont have any minute alone and know I am thinking to move back an apartment because there at lease I am going to have time to read and just be alone.

I think that doing that I am going to feel much better about my self. And yes I am going to cut litle by litle that communication with my husband and if I see him again I am going to tell him those things that he does and I dont accept.

Its going to be hard, but I have to do it for my own good.

You know when we got separated we sold our house and I kept most of the money and I have been telling him that I need the rest because I am planning to buy my own house and he keeps telling me to wait until we know what is going to happen with us.

Oh god I just dont know what all of this is so hard for me.

Rochio