Hi Guys,
Please help me as I am going out of my mind, before I go any further I am the guilty one!!!
I am married for 13yrs this Aug, We haven't any children though we were trying for years, We ended up splitting up last May, he was devasted, his life stopped, but he picked himself up and met a woman with 4 small children, in mean time I started seeing a friend of mine but which my husband had met, just on/off thing nothing serious, found out about his new friend so started seeing a guy who didn't no either of us before hand, ANYWAY I eneded up pregnant, I have no contact at all with the father ( my friend ) nor will I ever have so this is not an issue at all, My husband and I got back together after a lot of talking things through in Feb, baby is due early June and he is now backing off again as he will be giving up his single life and his job, bascially everything he built up himself when we were apart but now I know since we got back together that I love him more than I ever did and I am so much in love with him it is smashing my heart and I don't know how to handle it, By the way he had decided he would bring baby up as his own and we would try for another also.
I am so confused as to what to do, I don't ever want to lose him again but I can't let him treat me like this either. I know there are a lot of you who will say I deserve everything he does to me now as I most likly do but I can't be without him, Please give me advice however sharp. Thank You,

so if I follow your story, you both split up and started seeing other people but didn't get a divorce? Why did you two split up? Was there something going on to cause that?

I won't address what your husband did until there is more information, but what you did can be addressed. A man you get pregnant by is not a friend. Not when you are pregnent. He is a affair partner because you are married. Call it what it is/was. An affair.

Guilt will be horrible for you, sure. You have to realize that you made the choice to see this other man and have sex with him. If you want to recover your marriage, guilt is not going to get you there. Remorse, sympathy and understanding your husbands emotions to this situation will help you. I am guessing he is taking it pretty hard because you two were married 13 years, trying to have a child and then in less than a year of separation, you are pregnant by someone else. You are not the devil, but what you did was betray him and you need to seek forgiveness. Repent and turn away from that lifestyle, if you want to regain your husbands love.

Read the basic concepts and I certainly hope someone well more versed in marriage building posts here to help you.

How is he treating you? What kinds of behaviors is he exhibiting that makes you say you can't let him treat you this way?

Have you two gone to any counseling? If you want to save your marriage, then it would probably do you well to find a pro-marriage counselor. Maybe you could be lucky and find one that knows MB principles.(the principles here).

Get tested for STDs. If your husband had sex with the 'woman with 4 kids" then he needs to get tested as well.

No contact with the other man is a must for recovery of a marriage.

You have done a good thing by opening up and posting your secret. Bettering yourself in a constructive manner should be focused on.

Again, I certainly hope someone with more experience at giving advice posts to you.

Good luck and make sure you stay sane.

Hi Patriot92,
Thank you for addressing my issue, Well first of all we split up because we had started to go our own ways, then ended up not seeing eachother, passing at front door sort of thing, when we were together we argued over what was happening with us but changed nothing, eventually I ended it as it was going to keep going the way it was and this came as a major shock to my HB even though he later said he did see it happening.
It took him awhile to come to terms with us breaking up then he started to see this other woman, in mean time it was easier for me to block everything out as I was working very hard, partying harder and seeing the guy I had known before hand.
The way he is treating me is very confusing as it shows he loves me but he is obviously terrified of me hurting him again, so it is a case when everything looks good in the future in his mind we are set up for life but when his doubts set in it is ruining everything we have going for us now, he is also terrified for the future if the baby has to find out he is not the father, when we got back together first he was willing to/go see anybody to help us get on track but now he dismisses it by saying we don't need to talk to strangers about us. I am so well aware that he is confused but it is so hard for me to try to get us on an even keel when his doubts stand in the way as he cannot be honest about his feelings ( never could- not just now ) or it is a case where he cannot put them into words and then I have to make out these feelings and discuss them with him and then he clams up again.
I am having a little trouble with the baby now,have to have sonagram every wk and go to hospital 2 a wk, he knows this and he didn't even call me yesterday to find out how I got on, bearing in mind it is him who wants to raise baby as his with his name, wanting to be at birth.
I hope this gives more light on things but thank you for your intrest anyway.

I'm sorry about the pregnancy problems. I'm sure this stress is not helping it.

Maybe now is not the time to make this decision, but if others know that the baby is not your H's, then I think the child will have to be told, rather than risk him/her finding out through other sources. Does the natural father know you are carrying his child?

Marriage counelling would probably assist you two in working through all of these issues. It's certainly a great place to start.

It's hard to understand what is happening..

are you saying that he comes up with long lists of reasons of gloom and doom and that this will never work....

is it stress
lack of confidence in parenting...

what do you it is..

in reality you both had affairs...
both saw other people...with no divorce finalized....

can he father children...is there some infertility...on his part....

are you in any counseling...

be well

ARK

Bugsy,

Just a few questions to help us all get a handle on things

You say you got back together in Feb this year, are you living in the same house or just ‘seeing’ each other?

When you talked about being/getting back together did he know about the baby right away or did the confirmation come through a bit later when you got back together.?

In general terms Budsy it sounds to me as if your H has a major issue of trust with you. He see’s that You left him & the M, that You started sleeping with another man, that YOU got pregnant & if nothing medically is causing a problem with your H, that would feel like another betrayal on top of all else.

Don’t think I’m giving you a hard time please Bugsy, I too am a FWW so I understand your desire and will to gee your M and H back. Its darn hard work and seems at times to be two steps forward and one back., if you are lucky.

Please give as much info as you feel comfortable with so that you may gain some knowledge from the many experienced posters here and then get a plan going to fight for your M & H.
I do think from what info you have given so far that your H & you certainly need counselling on the baby, the M and your relationship.
All the best

AW

Hi Guys,
Thanks again for the interest, I do want to give as much info as poss but not bore anybody,
Yes it SEEMS that there are fertility prob's with HB as we have tried all our marriage for a baby BUT nothing has ever been confirmed on this even though we went through all kinds of test's and more!!!
At the moment HB is working in his home town which is 200 miles from me, he is/was supposed to be moving down to live with me before baby is born and getting a job down here, since Feb he drove down to me every second w-end and I went to him every other and mostly stayed a week or so at a time as I'm not working now with baby so close, but now with prob's with the baby I cannot carry on going to him as all medical help is to far from him incase something happened, he was o.k. with this when I explained all to him.
Yes,he knew about baby, he was first person I told about being pregnant as we never lost contact when apart, baby's father is abroad and no, he think's it is the person I was seeing after him, there is NO contact with him or will never be any so this is not an issue for HB.
The main problem we have is he will not be honest about his feelings, he says nothing until I say it for him, Please don't get me wrong, it is a fact I no him so so well and can always tell when something is wrong, not that I put words or anything in his mouth/mind.
He is adament now he will not see a marriage counseller which I KNOW this would be a major step for us to get on right track.
The main reason for me seeking your help is I donot know where to turn on my own, I know we both want this marriage to work, I know we could never not have contact between us, we are best friends, this is why I am at the end of the rope and don't know what to do now!!!!!!!!!!!!