Well its has been about 7 months now, I've been trying to work on my marriage after H affair and moving out for 2 months. The last three weeks have been heck! We are back to fighting and aguring and anything else in between. The lastest is money of course. I've been going to coleege at night for 2 yrs. I work as a 10 month employee for the schools, I get year around pay. I work 321/2 hrs. week, 12 credit hrs of school, plus homework and 17 yr. old daughter. H told me I need to cut down on classes so I can get another partime job to make ends meet, when I asked if he could I was told he works his 40hrs a week and that was all he was working. I don't mind the part time job, but I sure don't feel his support to my college ed. He tells me thats fun stuff and don't count for my time. So here I am again, we are back to our same routine, not talking, he tells me thats how its going to stay because he dones aguring about it, tells me to do what ever I want. Strange as it sounds, but he is behaving just like when he was having his A. My D papers are still on hold and boy oh boy do I ever want to follow through with them. I don't want to go down the same road again with him. He did the C thing with me for about 2 months before he said it was a waste of time and if we can't solve our promblems ourself then our marriage wasns't meant to be. I feel guilty for wanting the D because of college and the fighting. I want to stand strong for what I want, but feel I'm being selfish. I don't know, I'm just confused, am I causing his anger?

You aren't responsible for his anger. You also aren't obligated to do anything with which you are not 100% enthusiastic. Focus on your college education. If you don't, you will regret it later, trust me.

Can you explain to me what makes you feel that you are being selfish?

yeah, i went through this feeling as well. can you elaborate?

well first off i've been married for 11 yrs. He has moved several times(4) i think. Last spring topped the cake, he lied to me about having contact with OW all winter long. I seemed to get past this and move on with my life over the summer and then boom, as soon as he gets served his papers he wants back. Stupid me said yes on these terms, no contact with OW (they work in same department, but different buildings), and counsling. I sold a horse last year because I got tired of him blaming that for our problem, sold my truck because gas was high and he wouldn't trade cars with me on my college nights(said I wanted the truck, deal with the gas prices). I put all that behind me this time, I wanted to make this work. Well a month ago We talked about another horse so I can ride with my daughter, he agreed, I said if I get a horse I'll have to work this summer to pay for fed, we are agreed. Now, he is telling to sell, my money from my part time job this summer has to go for bills. No problem! But when I asked him what will happen when school starts back up he said not to take so many night classes so I can work 2 jobs(main job is 32 1/2hrs. per week) I asked if maybe he could work a part time job. He said NO! I already have a 40 hr. week job and plus I don't want to work a second job. It seems like he finding everything to do to tick me off, What I feel selfish for is because if I have to work this summer it was already agreed upon to fed horses, not bills, and if its for bills shouldn't we both be working extra? My plan for my summer was to work to pay for daughter and myself horses, and she will be grad. next spring and wanted to make sure we had the extra money for senior year. I just don't feel like he wants to make this work and is trying to find ever little reason to find fault in me. I don't do enough around the house, everything thing I cook has something small wrong with, ask him to cook he tells me No I don't know how to cook, ask him to do laundary and he does, but know he is in the habit of throwing ALL clothes together, including my dry cleaning or hand wash only, if I dare mention to him that these items can be left out he tells me if I'm going to complain he won't help me anyomre. I feel like I'm in a no win sitution.

dakotax2,
Sounds to me that he's still in contact with OW....never stopped maybe....Or.... it may just be withdrawal....

A LOT of WSs come home with "I'll give it a try for X months and we'll see..."
All the while still in contact and believing that they gave the M an HONEST effort....It clears their conscience.

All the complaints... the "This is how it is"... MAybe we're not meant to be (A REAL TRIGGER HERE... AS THE AFFAIR PARTNERS ARE always "MEANT TO BE") sounds like "Fog" to me.....

You may have to go back to the detective work and check cell calls.... car miles... check times.... call places he SAYS he's at... you know the drill...

And.... if you find something....you have decisions... to make....

GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS.. FRANK