Hi all.
Let me introduce myself to you. I am 50 year old; Indian by origin, migrated to one of the developed county in 1998. Now citizen of the country I migrated. I have 40 years old wife married 20 years back & have two sons. I am waiting for heart transplant surgery as my heart is severely damaged one year back as a result of massive myocardial infarct. (Heart Attack)
I came across this site accidentally & was impressed by the quality of advice offered in most of the scenarios. At the same time, by reading other people’s experiences, I realised that I am not alone in what I am going through at the moment. To be honest, the real purpose of writing my problem is to take steam off my chest rather than seeking advice. Of course any input / advice is welcome.
After migration, I started business & incurred heavy loss as a result I became bankrupt. My wife could not cope up with this and became chronically depressed. She is on anti depressant medicine since then. I tried for job but could not get it for want of local experience so eventually I accepted the job offer for Middle East country. However, my wife got teaching job here so I had to go alone to Middle East for a job.
I used to join my family for four weeks after 11 months of working in gulf country. When I was to return third time from Gulf, the airline I was travelling offered 50% discount if I travel one day before my scheduled journey as they had some seating issue. I accepted the offer & did not inform my wife as I wanted to give her surprise. I never knew that going one day earlier, my wife would surprise me. When I reached home at night, I saw my wife in compromising position. My wife’s active participation in adultery like her passionate kissing, removing her clothes voluntarily, parting her legs for final assault, to & fro rhythmic motion, her moaning in ecstasy literally humiliated me and was a trauma for me. It is difficult to get rid of this unpleasant vision out of my head.
Even though I was devastated & hurt, I controlled my anger. I realised that open communication is the only way to go now. I discussed her extra marital relations without blaming her with a view to get her confesses everything. It worked & she confessed everything.
When I departed for the first time to Middle East, her first sexual encounter began in just second week after my departure. So she was being shagged for three years in my absence. I told her that I am ready to forgive her if she promises me to stop sleeping with any man other than me & remain exclusive to me in future. She was reluctant to promise or commit anything. I was surprised as to why she do not want to give up her promiscuity so I took her to the professional counsellor.
Professional Counsellor concluded that my wife is oversexed and has sexual addiction. She can’t control her strong sexual urge for 11 months. She has compulsive sexual disorder. Because of her unusually prolonged depression, he sent her to psychiatrics for her mental health assessment. Psychiatrics diagnosed her as a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. He said that she uses sex as a coping mechanism to deal with day to day stresses as she has a very low stress tolerance threshold level. He suggested that I quit gulf job & stay with her so that she would not stray. I acted on his advice and stayed back. He again suggested that I take care of her sexual and emotional needs adequately as person with borderline personality Disorder are affair prone.
I saved my marriage by staying with her. One year went well. After that I got serious heart attack. My heart was damaged in the attack. I went through by pass surgery to open up blocked arteries but severe attack damaged heart muscle irreversibly. I can’t walk more than 100 meters unless heart is transplanted. Sex is simply impossible with this condition.
What I understand now is my wife is again involved in sex romp. It is on going now. I know she is having good time when she leaves home on different pretext. I have been trying my best to live with this condition and cope with it but when I see love bites on her breast or neck I get traumatised and takes long to get past that helpless feeling. I simply don’t know what to do ?
Any advise appreciated?
