In my reading the last couple of weeks i've noticed that many of our WS have had more than (1) EA or PA.

what percentage of our WS have had numberous A?

why do any of you think that we continue to forgive them and take them back time after time?

is it cause we are afraid of being alone after being w/ someone for so long?

or is it that we really think we can change them?

how many of us have stayed w/ them cause of the kids sake?

my history has shown me that the statement:
"once a cheater always a cheater!" is true.

please i don't want to afend anyone or piss anyone off but im just trying to figure out if the odds are in our favor?

is it in our nature to find more than 1 mate and if so than why do we fall in love and why does it hurt.

free will is a funny animal.

i applaud anyone whom has past the test of time and i hope to oneday be able to say the same that im in a relationship that is all that we, she and I have always wanted.

i am truely jealous and in invy of all of you who where and are able to mended you marriage!!!!!!! I however don't belive at this time can trust or even belive that my WS will ever change.

sometimes love just isn't enough!! than was it love?

saenz, I don't know of any statistics, but if I were to guess I would place serial cheaters at about 1 in 10. I don't believe that Marriage Builders can correct a serial cheater because MB is designed to correct a MARITAL problem, not a character issue.

A serial cheater CAN change, but only he can change his own character, no one can do that for him.

Most of the Former waywards you see on this forum only had ONE affair and it was an aberration of character.

I believe anyone and everyone can change. However, I also believe, very strongly, of OWNING YOUR BEHAVIOR. If you don't truly own it in every possible way, there is no room for recovery.

Radical honesty, as much as it hurts EVERYONE, is absolutly necessary in order to move forward.

God bless you on this journey!

so melody & sad you all belive that it is possible to change but only until that person chooses to.

I think in addition to owning the behavior, and being totally honest, a person also has to be accountable if they want to change. When you are talking about repeating problems you have to be open to allow accountability into your life. In my accountability group we say secrets kill honesty heals.

saenz, there are two types we see here. And no, I do not believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. It is not true.

But it is important to recognize that there are two types of cheaters, IMO, a serial cheater and a one-time cheater. The former cheats because of a character deficit; the latter usually because of a marital problem.

For the latter, they don't have to change anything except thier behavior, [and their marriage] because cheating is an ABERRATION OF CHARACTER for them. That type of cheater usually doesn't cheat again because cheating is horrible for them. It is a violation of their conscience.

A serial cheater, on the other hand, has a character problem that can only be addressed internally. They have to WANT to change and therein lies the problem. They usually DON'T want to change.

Keep in mind that all of the above are only my personal, unprofessional observations from being around here.

I like that phrase

I'm not sure of statistics either. However my WH is a second time offender. I've seemed to notice a little hal anf hal or maybe more like 35% to 65% it seems like on MB.

What I wonder is if a repeat serial offender shouldn't be treated differently than a one time cheater. if maybe there should be a modification to Plan A to fit dealing with a second time+ cheater.

It would be nice to see a poll of this. Saenz, would you consider putting up a pole?

saenz -
I am a FWW that has had both a PA and an EA. I also had a PA with a married man while engaged to my H! After we married, I vowed to God that I would NEVER EVER cheat on my H EVER!!! 17 years later...I was caught off guard by someone from my past contacting me and it all began. I kept it a SECRET from my H and never let him know that I was contacted by this OP! Looking back, if I would have told my H right away and was accountable to him, I could have prevented the A from ever happening. However, I made my OWN CHOICE and continued the contact until we met and it became a PA. I never started out looking for an affair, and I believe that most start out this way. What I didn't do was create the boundaries for myself. I didn't tell my H and I didn't stop! I got all caught up in the "feelings" I was getting and I kept getting drawn into it deeper and deeper and was lost in my own sin.

I have realized the mistakes I made and am striving to NEVER EVER put myself in that position of vulnerablity EVER again.

saenz, I was a once a cheater... never again will I be. So I don't fit that mold. My FWH had three A's, yes three but we are in early recovery. Part of the reason I hung in there was my own history and knowing that I DID change so I had hope he would. Now he is changing. I am not afraid of being alone but I do believe that most marriages can recover.

S - Change is ALWAYS possible, IF someone wants it bad enough. There actions will prove if they want IT badly enough.

Ask Me - I see being "accountable" as part of total honesty/radical honesty - same thing in my book.

I am a recovering sex addict and have been in recovery for 3 years. It's why I mentioned an accountability group. I can't even accurately provide the number of affairs I had. I have managed to change, because I finally saw the problem I didn't recognize. So change is possible.

Similar to the recognition that repetitive cheaters likely have character/personality issues, BSs who put up with this behavior likely do too.

JMHO

WAT

Ask Me - Glad to hear that you are RECOVERING.

God Bless.

LLG: I would like to add a poll i will do so after lunch here in the east coast.

2b:
what happened to you is alomst identical to what happened w/ my wife she remeet an old friend from high school over that stupid "myspace" even after i told i didnt like her talking to that perticular person. and she just got mad and said it just happened and never planed out.

good to hear i wish you the best fromt the bottom of my heart.

i really wish my wife would come on MB and stay for awhile
and maybe she could see that people can help her and want to help her however she chooses not to do so.

she believes that if where to fix things that i would we would go on and everything would go back to being the same
in 3 or 4 months. i told her not if we dont let it. and now she just doesnt want to spend the time trying, so sad.

i know i wasn't the best husband or father to her other 2 kids, but i started after she told me her feeling to change my ways but to no avail.

and now i'm in the same boat as she is and not wanting to fix things.

saenz -
I was contacted through Classmates! I only knew this person from a family vacation when I was 16. We never communicated again after a few letters past this vacation. This OP thought about me for years and contacted me after more than 20 years. I fell for it all...so stupid of me!

I've thought this self same thing about my WH. However he is a person that doesn't do too well with hearing other people's opinions, thoughts. The thing is also, he isn't argumentative either or responsive at all if he isn't interested. So you may be thinking you've gotten your point accross to him only to find that he was ignoring you, lol.

He is refusing to go to counseling with me. I think he thinks it will be about bashing him. I went to my first MC about 2 weeks agao and she seemed to be siding with him on a few comments she made. So I think he might've found it interesting. But he won't go...go figure.