hello.
we are sort of in the same problem here. i too married at 19 and have devoted every inch of me to my husband and children ( i have 3 girls, seven-four-1 week old). he had an affair which started 3 years ago (with OUR cashier in one of our businesses) and now they have a child born last january 23, 2006. i found out about the 3-year affair last may 3, 2006 (partly he confessed). although at first he was reluctant and confused as to what he will do with the ow---coz he says that he is needed by "them"---after a few days, he broke off with the ow (allegedly, coz i dont know for sure) but want to support the oc.
how did he come to decide to break it off with her???
i left him. stayed with my family for almost a month even if he had already broken off with the ow. i told him i wanted a divorce BUT that i would leave the children with him so that there would be no reason for him to come crawling back to me. (at that time i was pregnant with our third child)
he apologized so many times and ask for another chance to rebuild the marriage. he says that he will not ever have contact with the other woman... (but frankly its hard to believe and to trust again coz he has lied to me all these years--i only lift this up to god) but asks my permission that he wants to be the father of the oc (financial support etc..). i told him that i would be more than willing to adopt the oc, just so he can be a father to the oc without me thinking that the affair would blossom again (if it is really over). in my knowledge now, he hasnt seen the ow since may 13, 2006 and the oc may 24, 2006. the ow, does not make contact.. does not ask for anything from my husband. i can see that he is affected by it maybe because of guilt. he told me that he also deceived this ow and that everything was really his fault. that he wasnt able to resist temptation. ( i was away for more than a year to study for my cpa board examinations when the affair started) men are generally weak stacey. that is why they need us to support them.
right now, we are sort of negotiating our way back. we are living together and i take it one day at a time. i so understand how you feel--- but i guess--you have to take the risk if you want the best for yourself and your children. i took the risk of losing my children if my husband agreed to the divorce i was demanding and that i leave the children with him. it made me realize that i was important to him... more important than the ow and the oc. but if he agreed, then, it would only show that the marriage is really over---and ****** no will i ever give up the kids... he committed adultery!!! it was just my trap.
it worked for me... maybe from there you can learn how to deal with ow first. the oc will forever be there, stacey.. it is a blood tie.. but i believe the tie between your husband and the ow does not need to continue in order for the oc to be brought up well etc.. etc.. in the first place, their union is not legal and moral. both of them must face the consequences.
love yourself first stacey... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and only you can decide what is best for your life.
hoping for your recovery... our recovery...
a friend...
i would like to hear from you... email me at
hubby_cheated@yahoo.com
