My parents marriage ended in part due to their mutual infidelity. I don't know all the details or instances, only about the affairs each of them were having when the M ended (but there were plenty that I didn't know about). My Dad went on to marry the woman and has been married to her for the last 17 years. She is like a Mom to me. He just slipped up and told me he was seeing someone else. I feel sickened that he is seeing someone else. I feel conflicted about what to do. In my family no one cares about infidelity. Its accepted practice. I feel like an alien because I have issues with it. Help. Any advice from anyone who has dealt with this before?

uuuggghh uuuuggghhh uuuuggghhh

blessed are you cheerleader...to have strong feelings about the damage of infidelity....

are you married yourself or do you live with your dad...


basically the premise here on these boards is that each individual has the right to know....to make informed decisions....

that knowledge is power....

so the concensus would be that your step mom should be told....

how sad that your dad lays this burden on to you....

what do you think...

there's two ways as I see it...

you tell your dad to tell her or..and you will also be telling her...but offer him the chance to come clean...



you tell her yourself.....without telling your dad you are doing so....

the other thing you can do is before telling your stepmom is getting more clear info from your dad..
how long has he been cheating
is the first on this wife.
is the OP married...
etc...

you have to be willing to seperate your responsibility of fallout which solely lays with your dad's actions and choices....

no matter the vitriole that comes your way...

if you are married you simply state your belief in vows being sacred and all parties accountable..
if you aren't married you simply state your belief in any future vows you make..


also you can send your stepmom here for support once she is aware..

ark

Wow, your life almost reads a lot like mine.

My mom had an affair when I was two and ended up divorcing my dad over it and marrying the OM. The OM adopted me and I grew up knowing him as my father. I finally found out about my real dad when I graduated high school.

Both my mom and stepfather had affairs over the next 20 years or so and eventually my stepfather married his last affair. My mom has since been the OW in another man's affair and only a couple years ago, re-married for the third time to a lazy bum of a guy who seems to have zero respect for her.

Interesting legacy they leave behind isn't it.


FN

Cheerleader,

Although I have no advice, I can sympathize and await the advice of others. I too am in a similar situation. I found out that my MIL is having an A and am fighting not telling my FIL. I know I should probably tell him, but my own M is not stable enough and I do not want to risk losing everything at once (what a blow to the kids that would be).

now I sit back and wait also...

-BB

I have been married for 4 years. I came to MB because my H and I were having issues and I was frightened that we were heading for divorce. Using MB has helped us a great deal. Still having issues with certain things but we are both working hard to balance things out.

My Dad mentioned that this woman has been widowed for 8 years and he has been "taking care of her" for a while. He has been out with her several times to out of state resorts. This is not the first affair on this wife. He also cheats on her with my mother when he fancies.

Not to excuse his behavior in the least, his relationship with my step mom has been deteriorating over the last couple years. She has developed a serious problem with cocaine and he tried, unsuccessfully, to expose to this to her parents in hopes of getting her some help. She then kicked him out of their home and he has been residing at my grandmothers for 8 months. He did try and reconcile with her several times to no avail. I know step mom has been unfaithful in the past but have no idea about recent years since i haven't lived with them or in the same town for about 10 years.

I guess I am just dealing with years of guilt and shame that I come from this totally dysfunctional family. I am not ready to expose as I just don't have enough facts and the bigger picture is that my exposure will probably do nothing but make me look like the enemy, and a busybody to boot.