Such as hitting/pushing/throwing things? Where do you go for help with that?
As hard as it is to be in such situation, one of the best resources is a women's shelter or domestic violence center. They give you the resources you need to help you with your situation. They counsel you, provide you with parenting resources, inform you of your states financial resources, and do so in the context of helping you help yourself. Pastors and counselors can help too but it is important to interview counselors and go to people who have experience with violence because general marriage counseling can often overlook the root of your problems, which is abuse. I also recommend reading as much material as you can about abuse. If you are limited in funds, I have found the public library useful in researching these issues. I recommend Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. I also recommend The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. Harley's books are good, but from what I have read on these forums, he advocates physical safety above all else. You are not safe from your spouse if he continues to break things, hit you, and demonstrate aggression.
It is good he is recognizing the anger and abuse from within himself but that is only the first step. Many abusive men do recognize their bad behavior but do little to follow through with the changes that would facilitate healing and absolute correction of bad behavior.
I would recommend to you to look within yourself and investigate co-dependency since it appears you went from one abusive relationship to another. Learn about personal boundaries and how to implement them. Seek out others in a violent relationship and learn from them. You are not the cause of his violent behavior. He is violent because he is violent. And the cycle of violence will continue through your children, as your husband learned from his parents, if they are continually exposed to these outbursts.
I speak this out of love because I have been pushed and hit and yelled at and have had things broken around me and I too am hoping my spouse reads the Harley books. It was through individual counseling and educating myself that I finally realized that my relationship is abusive. I have taken steps to heal myself and continue on my journey to personal healing. I am becoming more firm in my boundaries. I am taking ownership of my own bad behavior. I am seeing to it that my words are followed through with action. And I am freeing myself from fear so that no matter what happens between my spouse and myself, I can feel confident to make a good life for me and my child.
It's hard to acknowledge the situation for what it is. I clung to the good times in our relationship and let that take away from the truth of the bad stuff to the point that I was suffering from depression because I was not listening to my gut. Please listen to that voice inside yourself that is saying this is not right. Follow through with educating yourself about the truth in your relationship. Marriage builder techniques are great tools. And I love to learn about them and hope for a chance to implement them in my own relationship but more serious matters need to be addressed first.
