My H's hearing was today. He called me and told me that he denied paternity and so the DNA was taken. I don't think her H took one. Our attorney was there with him. We now wait 4-6 weeks. He saw the baby. He said that she looks like the OW. He didn't see a resemblance to him, but most men don't.

So...we wait. I'm a little stressed. It's amazing how you know the process but each step is still so stressful. I'm on my way to the hotel bar for a glass of wine. Thank you all for your prayers. Keep praying for us.

4-6 weeks wait??? Oh wow I would have a head of grey hair and a ulcer waiting that long1!!! :-( We had our back within little over a week, and that was to long!!!

What makes you think that they did not do her H yet? I would think her H would go first. If your guys test come back saying that he is not the father (hope hope).... if I was her H I would still have the test done, who is to say that your H was the only one??

Find it odd too that they had the OC there for him to see, when we had our done the OW and OC went at one time and day and my H went at another time, he has still not even seen the OC yet.

How is your H handling seeing the OC???

I have confessed to my H that I wondered if it would pull at some heart strings if he ever saw OC, or does he think of it and wonder, heck I was even worried when went to court that seeing OW would bring up a memory or feelings but he reassures me that it just happened and there was no feeling before or after for me to worry about. But still I cant help but worry.

I will keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you, it would be so nice to see someone get lucky and find out that their H was not the F.

It is going to be a hard wait, and now your emotions will really start to bounce around, one minute you will be depressed and just know now that any minute you going to get the bad news and your life is going to change, and the next minute you will be hopeful, that it will work out and not be your H and that you hope this would scare him so bad that he wont repeat a A ever again.

Try to stay as busy as possiable, and both you put even more effort into the marriage, cause it will be hard when you finally know, you will have even more emotions to deal with once you know for sure.

Sending a hug your way and hoping it all works out!!

Hello Thunderstorm,

I asked him how he felt about seeing the OC...he said that it was hard, but that he felt no connection. He said the whole process was humiliating.

I don't think that her H was tested because of things that my H said. He said that he asked the lawyer about her H being tested and the lawyer said that is the normal procedure, but irregardless, at least he will know for sure.

I have been feeling a little down, but I know that God doesn't close a door without opening a window. I really believe the child is my H's. I'm just ready for this whole thing to be over. I'm ready to start living my life.

Has your H decided on NC with the OC if it is his?

My H said that he wanted NC, but I sit down and had a talk with him about if he did decide to have C, but he said no he didnt want C. I then waited for 2 weeks after the test results came back to give him time for it to sink in that it really was his and if he still felt the same way. He said yes he still felt NC was best. I am surprised that we have not run into Ow/OC at all in the year since she was born, but figured if it happens will ask him again to make actually seeing the OC made him change his mind.

I had alot of hope that our test would come out different, since my H was only one of the possiable fathers listed, our summons listed all the possiable fathers. And with it just being a one night stand, I hoped like crazy, so it was a pretty devasting to me when we found out that he was. Actually I knew before H cause we got the test results in the mail, it is normal for me to open the mail, since I handle the finaces and I did think of not opening it until he got home, but I knew I couldnt wait, we get our mail first thing in morning and i couldnt look at it sitting there all day. But glad now that I did, cause it gave me all day to get the volcona rush of emotions out before he got home, yes I still cried alot when he came home but most of the emotions were drained by that time, plus I was able to send the kids away for couple of hours so had time when he found out for sure.


Me too, and hope that it comes soon. These darn trigger moments are happening more and more the last couple of months, and it seems like everytime it seems like I am going to have a good day then we get a letter from CSO or a phone call to set me back again. But with the season changing and be able to get outside I think will help alot since I wouldnt be trapped in house all day.

Wouldnt a trip for a week some beatiful island, away from the memories, and everyday life sound like heaven right now?

The first thing I asked my H was how he felt after seeing the baby. He said, and I quote "I felt no connection, I felt nothing" He said the baby looked like the OW, but he didn't see anything of him in her. I had written him a letter before leaving for the business trip and in the letter I asked if he was sure about NC, and he reiterated that he was. I will of course ask him again after the results, which I believe will be positive. He is steadfast, therefore, so am I.

I just think that the day was rough. This is not easy.

How is it that you know what's going to happen but it still affects you so strongly when it does?

I wish we could be away...but right now, I want this conference over with and I want to be home with my H. If we are going to have a rough time...I want to have it together. When I get home, I'm going to make sure that we have a special night...just me and him, relaxing and enjoying each other...then we're going to get on our knees and thank God for getting us here together, and then I'm going to remember..."this too shall pass".

How long has it been since the paternity test for you?

Probably because it is not confirmed for sure that it is, and the wondering is hard, even tho you are sure that it is your H and you are preparing for that pain, you probably still have a little hope that it will turn out different. And when it does, cause then you will know for sure, with no doubt, no more even the tinest little bit of hope that it is not. It is there in black and white, your fear became true.


Your H is gone on a business trip?? I can understand how you are wanting him home and have special night. I was wanting to be joined at my H hip when we waited. Think it was because he was home and I was able to put in away for a while, I was able to feel his arms and hear his reassurnace and his love for me. But while he was gone for work it gave my mind time to think no matter how hard I tried to push it back and the pain came rushing in.

Make alot of special moments and memories cause those memories you will cling to and help you get thru the new emotions that you will have to deal with once you know for sure. I know this will sound weird but when i have hard time I actually think back to last fall. Yes I wished we could go all the way back to where before the A never happened, I want that more then anything. But last fall we was about a year in recovery, (we didnt know about OC yet) yes I was still hurting, and tho I didnt see anything wrong with our marriage in the first place, I saw a lot of difference in our marriage then, for the better. Things were so good, he was so open with his feelings, crying and showing his love. It is hard to put into words. It was still nice enough that we could go on weekeneds and pitch our tents, but so late in the year that there was not single soul around, it was heaven. There was a glow to both of us and the boys were were glowing with us. Those are the memories I am clinging to now. That is where I want to get us back too. Before the A .... yes.... but more so to last end of summer and beginning of fall.

Then the bombed got dropped on us with the papers saying he could be a father. He had gotten a call at work to stop in and pick up some papers that was being served on him, and he told his boss right away (not the why just that he had to take care of something) that he needed the rest of the week off. He didnt wake me at my normal time, he took the kids to school first. I knew right away something was wrong and I even stated that she had a child before he even got it out of his mouth.

I still clung to hope till we got the tests back. I guess that is why I am having such a prob now more then ever, (we just got the paternity test back a few months ago) cause now I am reliving the A, plus all the extras, of a oc being out there, that it was a girl, something I never gave him, the finicial situtation of it, not feeling like me and my boys matter to the courts, the unjust fairness of it all. I dont have to go into all that I am sure that you understand everything I am feeling.

What do you know about her H????? Have you talked to him since he called you and told you about the pregnacy??? I guess he is dealing with alot too and trying to rebuild his marriage, but would be nice if he adopted the OC that way you guys can move on with your life and rebuild your marriage.

I know the waiting will be hard, and wished it would hurry and get here so that you will know, but holler any time and I will be around lurking and try to help you thru this. I dont sleep much anymore so I check the forum at all hours, and you need more help then that, I will find a way to pass on email or a yahoo, msn, or whatever so there can be more one and one talks if that will help. This forum has helped me being able to read it when I need it but sometimes I needed to actually hold a conversation with some one that understood.

Thank you so much...you just may get a holla.