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Joined: Jun 2005
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It seems that most people on here who are in Plan B had their WS move out on them. The WS chose to move out and then the BS started Plan B.
How do you go to Plan B if the WS will not move out? In my case, I am not moving out because I would have to take my 3 children, cat and dog with me so for me to do Plan B my WH would have to move out.
I asked my WH to move out once and he said he did not want to. He wanted to stay, but he still is not working on our marriage.
So, I guess my questions are:
Is it right to try and kick the WS out of the house and get them to leave so the BS can go to Plan B? Or is it better for the WS to stay in the home?
And HOW do you get a WS to leave the home so the BS can do an effective Plan B?
Anyone have any insight into this?
Zorro94
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Well, what was suggested to me is that I change the locks if WH wouldn't move out.(that's suggested after they move anyway)
Luckily, my WH move out after I pleaded with him for a week. I just kept being persistent. Told him I was going to have a breakdown if he didn't go, I loved him, but I couldn't be around him. I CRIED for him to go. Then I had to get a bit ugly. Told him He COULD not stay in this house as long as he was pursuing another woman. Period.
He finally left.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Kim - Do you feel like that was the right decision for you? I would probably have to do the same thing to get my WH to leave...beg and plead and still I don't know if he would leave.
I don't think I could ever just change the locks one day and have him come home to a locked house. If he moved out and I was in Plan B then yes I would change the locks, but not before.
Zorro94
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Yes, I definitely feel like that was the right decision. I think in your case it will be important to have him out before giving him a Plan B letter. That's what I did. Since he sounds relucatant to go, that might be a better move for you.
Do you think if you were very persistent you could get him to move? My H said that "he didn't know where he would go." I told him "Well, you should have thought about that while you were pursuing OW. You were creative enough in figuring out how to have an Affair, surely you can find somewhere to stay."
After he was gone for 3 days, I left a note for him - my Plan B letter.
I never changed the locks, but I have an alarm system that keeps him out. It is very important to not allow him access back into the house.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Hi Lost,
Do you think he is still involved w/ OW? Does he ever stay out all night?
My WH is still home refuses to leave...refuses to work on marriage...I do not think he is in contact w/ OW but since he won't commit to M and is still thinking like WS I lable him WH.
Its very hard and draining. What I am doing is kind of plan Aing myself...do things to meet my EN because he won't/can't. I can feel my love bank draining...I wish he would leave. I've started D to force him out. I think if he left and I could go into plan B there might be a chance for our M. As it is I am losing my will to save M.
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Unfortunately I am experiencing the same scenario. My WW would not move out and won’t commit to R. What am I saying about R? She is still in contact with the OM… so no chance for R. At least not yet.
I've been doing plan A for 3 ½ months now and it’s time for plan B but can’t do it unless she moves out.
I was told not to give her a plan B letter before she moves out. That might make things worse.
I’ll wait as much as I can and then… if things are not getting better I'll file for separation.
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How do you go to Plan B if the WS will not move out? Not in the best way. I wrote to someone else yesterday that this gotcha is the biggest flaw in Plan B, IMHO. Some have tried "in house" Plan Bs and none have worked well in my recollection. I'm sure I don't know about others. The obvious option is for the BS to move out, but hardly ever a smart idea. The way it could be a better idea is if a really good legally binding separation agreement is secured that makes it very, very clear that the BS is moving out to escape the inhuman pain being inflicted by the WS because of continuing adultery AND is favorable to the BS for any child custody issues and financial aspects are covered. Unless something like this could be secured, you're trapped in Plan A until you're ready for Plan D. JMHO
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Lost:
This is being said with LOTS OF HUGS for ya...
I know you feel that you have no options in this regard BUT..I think your WH will be more motivated to move out once you EXPOSE his A if and when you can...
He feels COMFORTABLE with the situation, I think...
If he was EXPOSED, he will know that you know full well exactly what he is doing and that makes the WS feel more uncomfortable..their WRONGNESS begins to slap them in the face and there is a need to AVOID this...
My H carried on his A for YEARS...after EXPOSURE..he almost immediately started making plans to move out...
My opinion on this...based on my experience....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I think your WH will be more motivated to move out once you EXPOSE his A if and when you can... WHAT???? It's not exposed yet? Young lady, you've got NO BUSINESS talking about Plan B if you haven't done full exposure. None. Do that and quite possibly Plan B won't be needed. JMHO WAT
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