Hi, I'm new and anxious for some feedback. I have been married 14 yrs with 3 children. My husband is a professional athlete who has always been used to alot of adoration and attention. Long story short- he has been living an increasingly self absorbed lifestyle, not being considerate of me or the kids. We separated 8mos ago but he continued to come by on a daily basis to encourage me to reconsider. Meanwhile he started dating another person and didn't tell me for over a month. When I asked him about lunch on a certain day he lied repeatedly and finally confessed when he realized he'd been seen.
He started councelling and finally started to realize how bad his behavior was and how damaging it was to our family.
He asked to give him one more chance which I agreed to do. He went to see his girlfriend to tell her he was going to try again and he slept with her. He told me the next morning it was just about the sex because he knew he wouldn't be getting anything around here any time soon.

We are currently in marriage councelling and he is doing really well. I am much more vocal about my needs and the childrens need for his time and attention. Even though I know he is sincere now I still can't look at him and see the attractive man I once thought he was. I have no inclination to be intimate sexually with him and believe me i've tried.

Is this normal after such hurtful circumstances? If so, when can I expect to see a change? I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a man I love like a brother. I'm not looking for firecrackers to go off, but I would like to at least feel attracted to him on a physical level.

Thanks for reading the babble, hope you can help.

How does anyone get through this stuff? I swear I just want to end it-thinking about him making the decision to sleep with her when he knew it would be a deal breaker makes me wonder if he wants me to end the relationship. This is in my head constantly, he can't explain to me why he made the choice he made. Does this mean he's liable to make a similarly bad choice again?
I don't think I can handle all this pain. Isn't it easier to end the relationship and let him have his life somehwere else where it doesn't directly affect me? Even with the breakup of a family I can't imagine it hurts as much as this. i feel that by agreeing to try again and letting him back in is saying it's okay to stomp on me the way he did-he might as well have spit in my face infront of her-that's honestly how I feel.

He is well known in this town and everytime I will be out with him I will be feeling humiliated. Everybody in his inner circle knows he was with this girl-I feel like the consolation prize. If we didn't have three kids I'm not sure he would be so adamant about another chance.

I know alot of you are reading, if you feel you have any helpful info I would really appreciate it. This is gut wrenching!

This part of the boards doesn't get a lot of action. I suggest you post on Just Found Out or General Questions II.

The affair should, I think, be exposed - full exposure AND he should establish No Contact with the OW if the marriage counseling is to be successful.

Again, I urge you to post on JFO or GQ2.