I don't know that my W is really frigid. She's just happy with pretty routine SF about once a month. She will do other "things" for me too. We now have a schedule for SF, so at least I get SF more often.

I have let her know my displeasure about our SF. Unfortunately, I let her know by acting frustrated and disappointed for 15 years. Not very nice.

Anyway, not only did it not work, it also made her vulnerable to the EA she had (maybe still having...).

That has been the biggest problem in our marriage.

So, I have pretty much given up on that for now - I think I have to if I want to save my M. Not entirely sure I want to save it at this point, but I am still going to try since I probably do.

So Pariah, is your wife saying that she does not want to be married?

I would say: "I can't have a girlfriend and be married..not possible"

Can you AFFECTIONATELY assist her in seeing her Dr. for medications that do not have sexual side effects. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant that does not...

Also, there are medications available to enhance a woman's sexual desire...

OMAN! YAWN!

Dude! Have you read any of BobPure's posts from when he was wooing his Squid back? They rock!

Look....little things mean a ton. I mean minute. We're girls, see....minute details are our thang. Bob would run a bath for Squid....complete with candles....NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN. He'd pick up her favorite sweet and leave it where she could find it. No note...nada. After awhile of that, Squid THAWED! It took awhile....but it happened.

Think outside the box....and expect NOTHING back from a wayward....at least for awhile. Eventually love finds it's way through the chinks in their affair armor.

- Kimmy

Yep..Do lots of loving things for her..BACK LATER

Wellabutrin was what she was on when she destroyed my truck.

She is beyond hard to understand. Her father calls me a saint and her sister's husband calls me the insane one for putting up with her.

My wife is frustrated with her life choices that has led her to where she is now. Settling for me because her other marriages failed miserably and she was a party girl in college so she failed out.

I think she is punishing me for her hating herself and the Lexapro is just the ticket. I know what valium will do and she defiantely wants no part of being agreeable.

this is not a very nice thing to say. not at all. does not sound like you are the least bit concerned as to the root cause of her sexual struggles, just how it impacts you.

sorry, if i'm being blunt. i am not meaning to attack you. i know my words may sound harsh. i don't mean to be. i do mean to be blunt because i think you might benefit by trying to consider what i am saying.

Read my thread first.

It's actually been like this for years - way before the EA and all that.

I have tried everything. All kinds of "romance" stuff - very small and very big. It usually works once, then it's back to normal. And YAWN is right -

The bad thing is that I am the opposite when it comes to SF.

Thanks.

I try really hard for my wife. I deliver flowers to her work for all of the other women to see.
I make sure everything in the house stays in god repair.

I keep her car in great shape and fix any little problem so she won't get stranded.

When I was off of work for holidays, I would bring her her favorite breakfast at work.

She can call me at work and I will drop what i'm doing to take care of a task she needs done.

When I cook, I clean up the kitchen completely even though she complains about the mess as I'm cleaning.

There has been zero violence in the house since the truck incident and I suggested that she see a real doctor.

She just has zero affection towards me and calls doing my laundry justification enough. I can do my own laundry.

Pariah if Lexapro is working for her, then seratonin is obviously something that needs adjusted for her, which is valium works so well too. Sounds like a mix of anxiety/depression.

It's possible for her to add something like Requip, which is used for restless leg syndrome and Parkinson's to increase the levels of dopamine, which has been shown to affect sex drive. It would be something I would talk to a psychiatrist about. I have seen studies where it's a workable solution.

>She just has zero affection towards me and calls doing my laundry justification enough.

You DO know that a side effect from anti-d's is lack of sexual drive....they also can have the effect of detachment....
Have you seen the doctor WITH her?
- Kimmy

Her mom has some sort of parkinsons type brain disorder and I think she is showing the early stages of it. If she even thought she has what her mother has by being prescribed dopamine like her mother, she would definately go off the deep end.

She has expressed plans to up and move to Key West and be a dive tour diver. Just sell the house and us move down there away from here which she HATES this state even though it's always sunny and warm here.

She thinks that diving as a job won't be a job ad it will pa huge money even though she doesn't have her master's or enough experience. I encourage her in her dream, but I am grounded in the reality that I have a retirement plan that we both will have to live off of in 18 years.

She is truly happy when she is in the water, it's as if her problems don't exist, but I think that would be temporary because the endorphines would wear off after a while.

I almost like the idea because Parrot Jungle would be close by and I love the water too, she just doesn't allow me to dive because that's "her" hobby.

Why does she have affection for EVERYONE else?

I tell her that she is emotionally disconnected from me and I get no reply other than the Lexapro excuse.

I just read your other post and was asking about her Thyroid medication. What is that for? Thyroid problems can causes some strange mental problems.

You're tellin me!

She's no longer violent, it's just like I'm an unwanted pet now.

Also, in my experience, I was quite relieved to find that the frustrating sexual side effects of Effexor wore off after about 6-8 weeks. I don't know how long she's been on them, but it is possible that the side effects will subside.

Um. Because she is SUPPOSED to. I'm not saying that she isn't supposed to with you.....See, those drugs make you not really care inside....but you still know what you are SUPPOSED to do and how you are SUPPOSED to act. Unfortunately, she isn't making herself act properly with you.......but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that she is so comfortable with your presence that she doesn't feel she HAS to do this.

Do you kwim?

I dunno if my words are coming out right.

Erg.

PariaH:

I don't have chance to read your thread right now.

I take it that your wife had an EA. What was her attraction to that man?

You said:



Ouch. I don't think such comments will be helpful to you..I think she would like it for you to go to the Dr. with her to discuss her medical condition and medications. My H has been doing that during our Recovery..right in the examining room.. when possible.. at least, there in the waiting room..and I have been LOVING IT....

I don't understand why the medical community would allow such a relationship destroying set of drugs on the market.

My only other alternative is violence.

I was about to get to the suspected EA.

I could write pages.......