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Melody Lane - I apologize (doing that a lot lately)....I don't know what it is like to lose a child and I hope I never will. As I have stated before my heart goes out to you. I never meant that you were "weak" in anyway, if it came across that wasy I am sorry.
ML & Mrs. W. - Deep down I know you are both right. However, I don't trust this XOM, I think he would, without a doubt, harm me, my H and/or my 2 children.
Is it wrong to just want to let this go???? I don't want to think about him or anything about him. Does this make sense?
"It's the simple things in life, like the kids at home and a loving wife, that you miss the most when you lose control. Everything that you love starts to disappear..."
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Yes, it is wrong to let it go. The woman has to be told, s&c. She has a RIGHT TO KNOW. THEN, you can let it go. Have some compassion FOR HER, s&c.
Your desire to make this go away does not supercede her NEED and RIGHT to know; it does not supercede your obligation to tell her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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s&c, thanks for your sympathy, I do appreciate it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML - I know in my heart you are right...here are my concerns (maybe this is one of my BIGGEST problems...)
1. She WILL divorce him.
2. He WILL kill himself - she is all he has left.
3. Before he does the above, he will hurt me, my H, my DDS and I mean physically.
4. He will RUIN my career (let me remind you I am the breadwinner).
These are the top 4 reasons why I hesitate....
However, I know all of you are looking out for my H and I. So, I am going to talk to H about this in a little bit.
Thank you!
ML - You my dear, have a very special place in my heart.
"It's the simple things in life, like the kids at home and a loving wife, that you miss the most when you lose control. Everything that you love starts to disappear..."
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Yes S&C it is wrong to want to "let this go"...
~BECAUSE...
1. The OMW has a right to know the TRUTH about her life...It is your moral obligation to tell OMW about the CHOICES that you and her WH made for her without her knowledge...Please do NOT continue to victimize her by withholding vital FACTS about her life from her...
2. "THIS" is one of the consequences to having an affair with a married man...S&C, if you are serious about recovering your marriage it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY that you own ALL of your CHOICES and ALL of the CONSEQUENCES of those CHOICES...Doing these things is what will allow you to reclaim your integrity...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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ML - I know in my heart you are right...here are my concerns (maybe this is one of my BIGGEST problems...)
1. She WILL divorce him. s&c, actually you don't know what he will do. If he threatens you, then you just have to call the police, but I seriously doubt he will want that attention brought about. They never do. But the fact that you believe his wife will divorce is an even GREATER REASON she should be told. You don't really know any such thing, but let's say you DO know this. Then that means you KNOW for a fact she would want to LEAVE but is only being held in this marriage BY A LIE. LIKE A DAMN DOG ON A LEASH. Would you like to be held in a marriage based on a LIE? Can you imagine anything more cruel? This woman has a RIGHT to make HER OWN decision to leave her H if she wants and that RIGHT is being withheld from her. NO ONE ELSE HAS THE RIGHT TO MAKE THAT DECISION FOR HER. That is not right, s&c. That is CRUEL and self serving and thoughtless. How about showing some EMPATHY here? I know you have a heart.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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A wise member here once said... My point is OWN YOUR BEHAVIOR. I feel for these BS; the WS is just dragging them through He// - not fair. You can't change what you don't own. ~sadandconfused67 Are you OWNING YOUR BEHAVIOR S&C? Do you feel for "these BS"? OMW is one of them...YOU are one of the WS that is dragging her through H E L L...Without "owning" this consequence S&C, you will not be able to make the changes necessary for your own recovery.... I'm just angry at other WS for not coming clean. How much hurt does a BS have to go through???
Enough is enough already.~sadandconfused67 Answer your own question here S&C, how much hurt does OMW have to go through before you will feel enough is enough for her? Neither my H or I have told XOM about this. They lost their only child and I don't feel it is my place to take her entire world away from her. It's the XOM's place. My H says he has moments where he wants to call her and I am leaving that in his shoes.
I truly believe it is up to XOM to do it but I know he won't.
Anyway - I am RECOVERING and to me that means no more talk about the XOM.....~sadandconfused67 -emphasis mine Your husband's instincts here are VERY accurate...you should encourage him to do this S&C...it is the ONLY way...How does he feel about this now??? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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