Hi need some answers about exposure. I found out Jan about H affair. He said the SA was over, but EA was not, but then swears that he hasn't spoken with her again. I have foudn her number several times and he has lied a few times making me suspicious. Overall, things are calm now and he is coming out of the fog- i think. someone said that exposure should help. I have told many friends, I see daily, two of my best friends, my dad and wife, and one of three sister. I refused to let him know who because he was planning on using it as a punishment to not join me in events. This was a month ago. I am scared to tell him who I have told since we are doing better this week. Should I tell others? He has yet to tell anyone- bests friends, family ... Do I tell them? how do I do this? and When is a good time, as this seems to be a large love buster!?

The affair is still going on? It makes no difference if it is an EA or PA. If it is still going on, your best tool to break it up is exposure. Do not assume he is telling you the truth when he says it's only emotional now. Cheaters lie, and they do it very, very well.

If you don't expose, hoping this last week means everything is going to be sunny and rosy from now on, you are giving them the secrecy the affair needs to thrive. Instead of telling you all the good things that come from exposure, how about you reading this thread started by Worthatry?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1

cfc,

Exposure is meant to stop an affair, either EA or PA.

The best one to expose to is OW's husband or boyfriend. Also people at his workplace or his family.

People who your H would want to have a high opinion of him.

Why do you need to tell him who you told?

The idea of exposure is that the people notified, like the spouse of the OW, will have a negative impact.

Also one of the features of the A is the sneaky, forbidden, exitement...like the infidels are getting away with something...and it is special and OH! so lovely!! The exposure brings their actions into the harsh light of day and shows the couple for what they are.

There are others here with better explainations, but that is what it means to me.

""He has yet to tell anyone- bests friends, family ... Do I tell them? how do I do this? and When is a good time, as this seems to be a large love buster!?""

First thing is why should he tell anyone?? Only guilt and shame will result.

If you are exposing to stop the A, then a good time is as soon as possible!! If you are doing this for another reason, then it IS a large love buster.

k

I am not sure why I am doing this. I feel that I would like to know the A is over. He has said it is, but I am not sure if it because that is the truth or to cover. I have caught her phone number several times on his phone, in his wallet- he says I didn't know that was there. On the phone he put it under another name he say so that he doesn't pick it up- reminds me to check the phone bill and there will be no calls from her. He also has been working late(I check pay stub now). He has been coming home late and working a delivery job that he does occasionally anyways. I am not sure what is up. I feel he is still with her.

I want to expose so that he begins to feel guilt. He says he has no remorse over the A and thinks that he didn't ruin anything because our marriage to him was nothing.

He say I want others to feel pity for me- not true. Although support would be nice.

Today he is working on a delivery near her house. Says I can come check on him, but I don't want to put my 2 and 5 year old in the car to drive 2 hours round trip to this place and Gas today cost me $50!!!

cfc - I assume you are snooping as hard as you can to try to get as much info as possible? If not, then I would suggest you do that ASAP. Then maybe you can figure out what is going on - that hasn't worked for me yet, but maybe it will for you.

CFC,

EXPOSE! EXPOSE! EXPOSE!

My WH had a 2 yr A with a previous co-worker. D-day was 2/1/06. Kicked him out that night. Been statying w/his married buddy since. Found H email password. Snooped for the first month, copied OW's emails to him. Every single one of them until H changed his password. He lied, lied, and lied even after he confessed and said he stopped calling OW. Called OW and found he'd been playing us both.

Kicked in plan B on 3/19. Re-exposed the A, this time copies of the OW emails to H to her co-workers and friends and H's family and friends. It sent shockwaves. Pissed H off. OW went running to H crying. Now the whole world knew of their ugly A, not to mention the OW's desperation and emotional instability. She went as far as telling her kids my H would move in with them to become a "family". Of course, not all OW are as stupid and deranged as my H's OW. Couldn't help telling my H, "was this the best he could do out of the litter of OW?"

Two weeks ago, I was fed up. Told H I wanted a divorce. The next day, he asked me if I would reconsider and seek counseling. Started counseling few days ago. He's moving back in this weekend. We're planning a cruise in two weeks.

So EXPOSE! Take control. He's been at the wheels long enough! Now, it's your turn!