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#1635736 04/13/06 03:11 PM
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I'm having one of those days. Lonely and blue on this beautiful spring day.

I'm at my in-laws where I saw an Easter Card "For my Wonderful Parents from the Both of Us" signed by my WXH and his OW. My in-laws had made it clear to me that they love me like their own daughter and I always will be part of the family. They have been so supportive of me and they tell me everyday how much they love me.

They also need a relationship with their son and to have one they have to accept the fact (which they hate) he is now with the OW. I fully understand that. I have also accepted the fact when it comes to family gatherings and if the Wxh is coming, I won't be going. My in-laws only seen my wXh once in two years. So I have been invited to all the family functions, which upsets my WxH, but my in-laws have made it clear to him that they love me and I'm still family. Which has made him angrier at me.

He probably thinks we talk about him. We go weeks without mentioning his name. It must be his guilty conscience.

My in-laws mostly hide things cards like that from me but since I was there when they received their mail, it was hard not to notice. There is a part of me which thinks he (or most likely she) sent the card to p.o. me instead of wishing Happy Easter to his parents.

The OW is so malipulating, she has succeeded in stealing my husband, he told her he wasn't going to leave me unless I found out about the A, guess what she let the cat out of the bag. During the A she tried to get pregant by my WH when she was still married. She tried but failed trying to come between me and my in-laws. She was also a former client of mine and tried to get me fired, by making up lies, I never trusted her so I kept every email she sent which later back me up and proved she was lying about me.

I wish I trusted my instincts when I first met her. Even though she was married to a wonderful man, I always had this strong feeling she was trying to become part of this family. My MIL once ask me why I didn't speak up, I guess it would look like I'm crazy thinking a woman who gave off the presence that she was so sweet and happily married would be going after my man.

My personal opinion knowing my WXh for eighteen years, he doesn't care if I have a relationship with his parents. He knows how much I love them and vice versa. Its the OW who cares and putting pressure on my WxH to make waves. The OW feels threaten by my relationship with my in-laws and also feels threaten with my relationship with my WxH, thats why she moved him thousands of miles away to Las Vegas (quickie DV) so she can free him from his marriage and keep him from reconciling with me.

I know my WxH family will never love the OW like they do me, but I do feel sometimes she has won.

She had a goal to be with my WxH and succeed no matter how many hearts she broke. I'm here still in love with him but I don't know if he decided to come back to me that I would take him back. She gets to see him, touch him, kiss him and see his beautiful smile. I do miss him and been thinking more of the good memories instead of the bad.


BS (Me)41
WH 41
D-day 1/7/04
H moved out 3/4/04
Served Vegas Divorce 7/19/04
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I was thinking about you lately ....

are you ready to date other men?

is OW's XH available ???

*joking* (sortof)

Anywho ... wishing you a very Blessed Easter

Pep

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Thanks Pep, you have a way of putting a smile on my face and steering me in the right direction.

Actually the OWxH just go remarried to a beautiful woman he met at Bible Study and is moving from NJ to CT, to start a new life.

My MIL told me she wants another son and wants me to go out and find me a nice young man. I think I'm ready to start dating but its hard to find the time.

My friend went to eHarmony and married a doctor and moved to San Diego. She seems very happy, even though she misses her friends and family in the NorthEast.

I turn forty this September, so I better get moving especially since my biological clock is about to run out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


BS (Me)41
WH 41
D-day 1/7/04
H moved out 3/4/04
Served Vegas Divorce 7/19/04
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I take it maybe you live in NJ as well as I do?

40 is still young. Unless you are referring to a chance to have children (or more children) you have a wonderful life ahead of you. Get involved in something, there are divorce care groups that are great. I went to one here in glouucester county that was great. Email me if you would like information about their next session. I made a couple of friends there and more importantly learned to care for my self better there.

I will be 50 soon. In July of 2004 God reunited me with a wonderful christian man I dated back in 1972-73. I could have never dreamt or thought that this would happen. I hadnt seen or heard from or about him in 32 years!!! I didnt even know anyone who knew him, it was just a miracle.
We will be getting married in 1 1/2 years when I am done school.


Did the OW win????? No I did.(but dont tell her cause she thinks she won!!) Ex lost as well...2 losers that married each other. you know the old song..nothing from nothing leaves nothing...

Nothing plus nothing is also nothing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OW was married for 6 months when she started affair with my H..tells you what kind of person she is. She couldnt stick out her marriage for more than 6 months, she is 18 years younger than my X. Think she'll stick around when my X is incapacitated due to his drug adddictions? He has already had 2 overdoses..both times I saved his life, the second I had to stop a moving car (he was driving and had a seizure), get him out of the car and then perform cpr when he stopped breathing. He has 3 dui's and multiple accidents. He is now very overweight and headed for a stroke or heart attack if the drugs or drunk driving dont kill him first.

Or maybe he'll end up in jail as he also has a penchant for stealing.

Think she'll stick around??? Nah, but for now she is havig fun, guaranteed it wont last, but you know what?? I dont care anymore. I used to love him, but he killed it all. Now his problems are between her and God. I did what was right and I feel that God has rewarded me for being faithful. I am so wonderfully happy.

yes indeed, I won the lottery.....and my fiance feels like he won the lottery <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

smiles,
Dawn

Last edited by sunrise1; 04/13/06 05:26 PM.

XH has multiple addictions. 26 year history of drug&alcohol problems, physical as well as emotional abuse.

Divorced 11-03

Engaged to former sweetheart from my youth, God is Good!

GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!!!!! Passed my first (and hardest) of 3 medical boards 10-12-07

I am trusting God.

if you keep you face to the sunshine; you will never see the shadows Helen Keller
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Kids... Pep is 56 ... and I have not even had my burp-day yet this year!!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

it's awwwwwwl good

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The OW never wins. She will always know that he is capable of cheating on her. She's scared of the power you have over her life. Don't let them intimidate you or get away with anything.

I'm 38 and my DD is a Jr in HS. In a year and 1/2, DD will be off to college. I've always wanted to travel but couldn't because of WH's spending.


Psalm 57 (a cry for mercy, refuge & praise)
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TESTIMONY OF A FOOL

As I sit here in my retirement home reminiscing about thoughts of years gone by,
I hope you listen to what I'm about to say, and this is the reason why.

You see, when I was just a young dad with a family of my own,
I was too blind to see that the things in life that mattered the most,
just one day might be gone.

I was only forty-five years old and had been married most all my life.
I had two teenage children, a lovely home, along with a faithful wife.

But my life became so boring with the same things happening each day.
Sex grew so monotonous, and my lust seemed to just slip away.

My wife, instead of my once lover, became my best friend.
I grew to love her more like a sister, or so I thought back then.

Lustful thoughts began invading my once faithful mind.
My wandering eyes became more wandering, most all the time.
I justified my actions though, for my wife just couldn't see,
that it was entirely her fault, what was happening to me.

She was always so involved with our young boy and girl,
that she didn't understand me, nor did she include me in her world.

She was always doing for others and somehow neglecting me.

How could she have been so blind that she couldn't even see,
what was happening to us.

When I reached out in lust and followed it through,
there was nothing in this world that my wife could do,
for I'd found the "love of my life",
a one of a kind, or so I thought.

My new wife was a looker, sexy and lean.
To me she was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen.

But shortly after we married she tried to make me over,
and that's when I knew that the honeymoon was over.

Oh how the years seemed to slowly slip away.
I thought about my first wife and children every day.

I could almost smell the biscuits as I'd crawl out of bed,
but now all that lay beside me was an aging sleepy head.

My first wife is now married to a jewel of a man I'm told.
He spoils her and cherishes her, and now he's growing old,
with the woman that I love.

My children, when they have time, come around every now and then,
but I can't help but reminisce what my life just might have been,
if I'd stayed home like I should have.

Now I'm old and all alone, living out my life in an old retirement home.

My second wife died and my children don't seem to care,
for they are now enjoying the dad who was always there.

Oh, if I could live my live all over again,
I wouldn't have been as selfish as I'd been back then.

I would now love my wife for being a wonderful mother,
and respect her and cherish her as my only lover.

But all these things just cannot be,
for now it's just too late for me.

But as for yourself you'd better think twice,
should you ever want to leave your wife.

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MISTRESS = LOSER.

PERIOD.


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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once again justpeachy, you are my hero! the best words come from you... I gotta start writing these things down... mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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Quote
I know my WxH family will never love the OW like they do me, but I do feel sometimes she has won.

No, she didn't win. Don't give any more thought or precious time of yours to her. She doesn't deserve it.

Everyone loses when there is an A, regardless of the final outcome.

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Yep she won..the booby prize...

She got a liar, a cheater and someone she can never trust. He's not seen his parents but once in two years? You know she's asking why and you know he's not around because of guilt. That alone is causing conflict on top of the mistrust.

Now go out and find your prize...a real one.

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I am a firm believer in "What goes around, comes around." They'll both get theirs one day. You'll see. Good to see your inlaws are supportive. I know mine have been as well.

Don't mean to thread jack, just saw some of you are from NJ.

I am looking for a good lawyer.
Any recommendations?

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In some cases the OW does clearly win, and there is no point in pretending otherwise. The OW in my H's case ended up with someone, who while far from perfect, at least doesn't drink or gamble, and who does whatever she tells him to, cooks the meals (very well, too), and who is pretty handy at fixing and building things. She doesn't have to worry about his children interfering with her life, because they are rarely allowed to visit him. He is old enough, poor enough, and now obese enough (since he moved in with her), that he is unlikely to find someone else to have an affair with - and why would he, when she provides him with free housing, vacations, etc. And when would he, since he works under her watchful eye? If you are rich enough to buy yourself a husband, it is easy to "win."

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MOW didn't win in my case. She didn't get my H - He was a man who had pulled himself out of the depths of alcoholism and drug addiction, rebuilt his life, together with his wife (me) started and ran their own business, was loved by his employees, lived in a big house in a beautiful location, and had a family and friends who loved him.

The (formerly-M) OW got a WH who is even deeper in the depths of his addiction, lives in a small house (which he described as a "shack"), hasn't worked in 5 years, lives off the pay-off from his STBXW (me) for their (my) business, is now obese, is estranged from his family and friends, lost his driver's license, has been hospitalized for psychiatric observation, has had the cops called many times by neighbors...

And her now-X H, her 8th grade BF, father of their DD, new H of 6-months when she moved in with WH? When she left, they were living in a small apartment and he worked sporadically. He was as devastated as I was. Now, he's happily remarried, new baby son, good job, new home, etc. Would he say WH (MOM in his case) won? I don't think so!


FBS, D'day 12/00 * NC since 5/02 * divorce final 5/06 * property settlement 9/06 What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has Magic, Power, and Genius in it. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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OW1 = lost one year of her life with someone who wouldn't leave his wife
OW2 = lost two years of her life with someone who continuously lied to her and PA'd her
STBXH = lost his dignity, lost his trusting wife (me!)
Me = lost my faith in stbxh, my marriage and myself

It's a high price to pay

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No Nellie she didn't win, becausw obviouly she has a husband that she does not respect at all, if she treats him like a 2nd class citizen, and he didn't win because when this gets old and she wants to retire do you really think she will want to live with him, she may have bought him right now but I think his rent will be going up.....
he surely didn't win because when the chips go down he will have no one there (his kids) to shore him up after he has abandoned them, and he will be alone, rightfuly so too.

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I certainly agree that he did not win - I don't think he is at all happy. Yeah, I do think she will want to live with him - why would she prefer living alone? She has enough money that supporting him is probably not a hardship, so what is the downside to living with him?

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I won!

I am still me, better then before because of what I learned. I have self-respect as I know I did what I could to save my marriage.

I have the respect and love of my family, kids and in laws.

I have financial security with alimony/child support.

What does she have? My xH and all that goes with that. Doubt, guilt. But hey she is with her true soul mate at whatever cost.

Dawn


BS 49
Divorced 10 yrs/married 21 yrs
Life is good and I am happy!
Engaged to be married on the 4th of August 2012!
30yoS&DIL & 2 gson/27yoD-Divorced & 3 gson/21yoD

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