I am guilty of this - but Im gonna stop. Ive started saying 'her'. My sisters call her 'root' (her name is Ruth).

For those that may not know 'root' in Australia is another word for F&^% so it works very well.

I WOULD like to use that with WH but think it is a tad too sarcastic atm!

I could call her the 'pommy b!tch' lol!

Justine

gemela and I refer to her OM as her "amiguito" or "little friend". This is our most common euphamism. We had a conversation the other day where the OM did come up and she did say his first name but she almost whispered it. I don't think she wanted to hear it out loud. Sometimes I lately refer to him as the "swimming instructor" because that is what he was. This is just to remind her in case she has any doubts about how well he was going to be able to support her. I agree that not using the name is therapeutic for both BS and WS and it deprives the OP of legitimacy. I will say that the OM does not come up very often any more with us.

speaking of names just reminded me of something... WH actually accidently called my daughter by the OW's name (her name sounds similar to my daughters name, basically just different first letters) My daughter was pretty shocked but didnt say anything. She later told me she was very angry at that. WH did correct himself right after, but still.

I ususally just refer to OW as "her" as i am not sure of her last name, she seems to have two as she is still married but seems to like her maiden name better. I used to call her by her first name, but it was just strange to do so. I dont even talk about her anymore anyways, and when WH mentions her, that she did something or whatever, i usually just ignore it. When he is angry at her, he himself calls her b****h, what a lovely relationship.

I usually refer to the OM as "that person" while my BIL (my WW’s brother) calls him “street rat”. Only thinking of the OM’s name makes me sick especially because we used to be good friends and he did what he did. I told my WW that and animal would bite your hand if you got too close to its cub while “that person” was capable of leaving his own son.

You all are much nicer than I was. It has been so long she is never mentioned now, but in our house she was s**tgirl! And I didn't name her that my oldest son did. He was 18 at the time. I couldn't even dredge up the power to be mad at him.

Well, Traic, I gotta disagree with you.

I don't think not using the name of the OP is therapeutic for either... particularily the BS. Not using the name deprives them of legitimacy, but the fact is that they don't have any legitimacy in the first place. Not saying the name, I think, promotes a sense of denial, which is deadly under any circumstances.

Also, not using the name, or worse, substituting a viscious nickname denies the OP of their humanity, of their individuality as a person. How can you hope to find forgiveness and peace if you hold this kind of perspective in your heart?

My W used to refer to OP as "certain people" as well. I hated it. It always made me wonder if she meant Certain People or certain people. I prefer using OPs name. It's clear. It's simple. And in the long run, I think it's a lot healthier.

Well dewt I gotta disagree with you. I think using the name puts emotion back into the situation. It never really bothered me to use the name but I always wondered if it did not cause a little sentimental stir in gemela. I find it interesting that now she won't say the name or, if she slips up, only whispers it. She is still trying to justify and rationalize the affair in her mind. I think dehumanizing the OM is a good thing for her.

BTW, how are you doing dude? Been a while. Hope you are okay. Give my regards to Soulloss.

Names I use for the OWs...
1)most infamous of them all...the dreaded MONKEYHO...yea...b/c she has an upturned apelike snout and is well...a ho! monkeyho!
2)my xh's present wife: SHE HAS MULTIPLE NAMES! Usually I call her 'THE WISTRESS'...on some days she's 'THE BRAINIAC', and the one when she's ranting about something? like the time she called my friend at my son's birtday party a lookalike for a serial murderer? I called her 'HODOG". As of more recent, 'THE SQUATTER' since she moved into my old home with my xh...she wanted squatters' rights..the house and especially in my bed!
3)his mistress from last summer. she is a college student. 'THE BABYSITTER'..why? b/c my xh SAID SHE WAS MY SON'S BABYSITTER...how gross! she was /is 21

I totally deny my xh's wife of legitimacy. On all and every level. It was/is/will always be wrong. Can't put pearls on a pig. He tried it. Too dang hard.!

I have found if you give the OP a nickname that is ironic, or on some level amusing, YOU TAKE AWAY ANY MYSTERY AND POWER THEY HAVE...it's hilarious.

It is good for me. I also gave my xws many nicknames too...when he's in full WS mode (which he's been in for FOUR YEARS NOW)...???

Nicknames for the alien xh I have:
Jethro (my girlfriends still refer to him as that)
Heffie (as in Hugh Hefner...who has his harem of blondes and what my xh wishes he had)
Darth (he IS THE SITH LORD!)
Beelzebub (no explanation needed)
Einstein (used in conjunction with "The Brainiac".)....sadly my xh has become shall we say? dumber and a bit more dim-witted over the last 2 years biiig time? And his wistress the braniac? No education past high school unless you count the times she engaged in skimpy swimsuit modeling...that's as close as she came to a real job. Not much between the ears period. She makes Jenny McCarthy appear like Ghandi or Carl Sagan or Einstein compared to the wistress!

I think that "name calling" is reflective of the "Anger" stage of grieving. While it wouldn't be healthy to hold onto the anger forever, suppressing the anger wouldn't necessarily be helpful in the long run.

The grieving that goes on with the "loss" of one's spouse to an "alien" identity is intense. Dehumanizing the situation for a time, helped me deal with some of the immediate pain and anger. Otherwise, I was on a self-destruct pattern.

Frankly, I was tired of being the "good girl" only to get scr#%^d! I was entitled to a little "bad" behavior. My friends wondered how I could be so kind, by "just" name calling. Their suggestions were far more overtly aggressive!

I'm sure all of us look forward to the day when there is little to no "charge" attached to the OP's name or nickname. But for now....it is what it is.

I don't call the OM bad names in front of gemela. That is a backhanded DJ to her. I also don't use his name because it makes him a legitimate part of our relationship. We use euphamisms that are not disrespectful to either one of us. It is neutral territory and it seems to not upset either of us.