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Oh MM...

I'm so sorry 2 hear this news. I had no idea.

I agree with JL, though. Don't give up on her entirely. Letting go and letting the unbeliever go, as you put it, is not the same thing as giving up on her.

You are right 2 be grateful for the experiences you've had. They've made you the person you are 2day, someone even you might not have been able 2 imagine yourself becoming before all this began years ago. But when we're in the trenches, particularly at the beginning of the war, it can seem so hopeless and purpose-less. Now you know it wasn't.

We can still hope that your W may learn and grow from her experiences, 2. Letting her go may be just the thing she needs in order for that 2 happen.

Let's hope she siezes that oppor2nity, and doesn't stagnate.

best,
-ol' 2long

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MM -

Like others here, I am so sorry to hear of what you and your kids are going through. You are an amazing person - many in your shoes would have given up their faith, but this trial has strengthened yours.

I'm still a newbie around here, and not all that familiar with your story, but you are definately an inspiration. You have helped so many people (me included) even in the midst of your own struggle. I will add you and your family to my prayers. May God continue to keep you and bless you.

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MM:

You have been an inspiration to me. I thank you for sharing your very painful journey with us and for allowing us to see how God has worked in you and your life. Through watching your walk has given me hope and encouragement.

I understand your letting go of your wife and giving her totally to the LORD. Reading your post made me remember a time when I heard with my spouse to get out of God's way and let HIM work totally with my spouse. I always thought that I could help, I couldn't so it hasn't been until I totally gave my spouse to HIM that I have seen changes, slow changes but changes non the less.

It seems now that you have a different walk to walk while the LORD takes care of your wife. I believe that HE will take very good care of her and will bring her back to the LORD. Maybe she needs to see the utter desolation her choices have cost her and what her life will be like without the daily Grace that you have given her.

I keep reading that something changed for her on 9/11. By your writings I understand that you were not here. As a military wife whose spouse has been away on some very difficult times it does affect us. I'm not sure what happened to your wife but maybe it truly scared her about how precious life is and instead of holding onto JESUS she has grasped fear, and lonliness. I learned through all that I have been through with all the times that my spouse was not around was that JESUS was the one to hold onto, that only HE could truly help us. Before this walk I thought it was my spouse therefore whenever he was not here during those times I had an extremely difficult time coping and believing that because he wasn't here he cared about others and his job more than us. My daughter also said that she felt safer when dad was here. Mayber there is tremendous pain and resentment if you were not here during that time. Maybe on that day she felt so incredibly alone and did not see any hope and didn't know how to reach out to JESUS for that help. I don't know though just some ramblings.

I know you won't totally give up on her, as she may be inside screaming for help and not knowing how to get that help. Satan knows our weakness and comes after us there. Whatever happened she may not have realized that JESUS was there waiting for her to call out to HIM for help. Maybe her walk was not as strong as one would think and she has taken a detour. I believe that JESUS is with her and will help her to turn her walk around. You have walked with her for awhile now and I believe that she must have been a very special person for you to spend part of your life with her and for you to continue that walk with her. I do believe that she feels that and knows that on some level and each step you have made that she has seen has impacted her. There is so much hope for her as a person.

My prayers for you, your kids and your wife.

*** . . . whenever he was not here during those times I had an extremely difficult time coping and believing that because he wasn't here he cared about others and his job more than us. My daughter also said that she felt safer when dad was here. Mayber there is tremendous pain and resentment if you were not here during that time.***

I think that bjs is a very wise woman, Mortarman, and I hope you are listening to her. Has your WW every said anything like this?
Mulan

Mortarman, it seems to me that referring to your wife, whom you vowed to love and honor for the rest of your life and who, in your belief system, has an eternal and immortal soul, as nothing more than "the unbeliever" is an extraordinary DJ (Disrespectful Judgment). I really hope that you will meditate on the damage you do to yourself, your wife, and your children when you speak of her that way.

I know little about your version of Christian beliefs. However, I will say that if I were your wife, and were visited with such an incredibly high level of disrespectul judgment, I might very well flee from you in order to save myself -- because what you were doing would be abuse.

I'm a believer even less than your wife is. So maybe this might help you see that you are still a part of the dynamics of the situation. I really hope that you eventually heal, Mortarman. You've been through a terrible situation and from where I sit, what you've written is very, very troubling indeed.

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JustJ -

I don't think MM has called his wife an unbeliever. He did say that he doubts her salvation, and I think he doubts it because of her actions and choices over the last few years.

Yes, MM's wife has an eternal and immortal soul. That does not equate, within the general Christian view, with eternal salvation. One does not lead to the other. The first is a fact, the second is a choice.

MM is doing what he truly believes God is telling him to do. He didn't reach this decision out of the blue, and I doubt it was easy for him.

The only people who truly know whether Mrs. MM is saved or not are herself and God. I do believe that MM is within his rights to doubt her salvation, especially when there are others that are at risk in the situation. Nowhere do I get the impression that MM is standing in front of his wife shaking his finger and demanding that she repent, or calling her an unbeliever, or unclean, or anything else like that.

Believers are called to live in peace. Hence what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians - "But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace." (7:15, NKJV) Forcing his wife to stay, or pleading with, or even demanding that she repent (if she has not) or become saved (if she isn't) would hardly be conducive to peace.

The Bible has multiple examples of where God has released people to their desires (the Babylonian captivity, for example). He does this because He gave us free will, and He respects our desires, even if He doesn't agree with them. I believe this is what MM is prepared to do - if his wife desires to leave, he'll let her, even though it's not what he wants. I don't think he will stop caring about her, or praying for her.

Just my 2 cents. MM and others on this board are much more qualified to quote scripture and back up their beliefs than I am. I felt it was important to put another perspective out - that MM is doing what he's doing out of love, not spite. If I misread what you wrote, I apologize.

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