Compassion and caring are entirely one-way streets. We're not called to be compassionate only to those who are compassionate to us. We are called to be compassionate toward all.


You're deciding what questions Mrs. MM needs asked and answered right now, FH. I would say that perhaps she is the best person to decide what those are.

Your approach is one of much teaching and lecturing. That works for some. I doubt very much that it will work for Mrs. MM. I am not a Christian, but many of the Christians who have posted here have suggested alternatives. I hope you will listen.

Forever:

I found your post TO ME very helpful.

You are right. I did not ask specific questions but you provided answers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You said:



Irrespective of MM's issues and struggles, this is a PERFECT DESCRIPTION of how I approached PLAN B...



I certainly agreee.I was concerned yesterday about MM saying: "Don't pray for my wife but pray for me and my children" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I look forward to hearing from him today...

I believe he may be saying "enough is enough"... as you say..and I can understand that...

After much soul searching again yesterday thru what you all posted and thru prayer, I did realize some things about myself and the last 4 years of this mess. And I told this to my wife last night.

You see, I do love my wife. I always have. But when I came home in April 2002 from my deployment and found out what had happened...I was devastated. I had never been hit that hard...it really did almost kill me. I know most of you folks understand this!!

My modus operandi before I had decided to follow Jesus fully, was that if someone hurt me, then they were either gone from my life or I would bring back the pain three fold (and then they would be gone!!). But I was faced with a dilemma…how do I handle this person who is causing the most pain I have ever felt (even more than my father dying)? How do I justify repaying this pain with pain, when Jesus said “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do?” How could I look my kids in the eyes, if I lowered myself to the level of my wife and the OM…and took revenge for their actions?

You know something? The Bible has a section that describes what happens to an OM if he doesn’t heed the advice therein. It says that the BH will not be compassionate toward him, will not show mercy toward him. That the OM is a fool to pursue a married woman, because he is trusting that the BH will not exact revenge upon him. And that is very misplaced trust!!

It is like when I saw on TV a few years ago, a man that had forgiven his son’s murderer. This dad had gone to the courthouse and pleaded for this man’s life. Think about it. How could he do this? Why didn’t he want this murderer punished? How could he feel anything other than utter pain, anger toward this man?

Thru all of this, I now know how that man felt. It isn’t he didn’t feel those things…it was that his Lord had called him to overcome those things.

But how do you overcome anger so deep? How do you forgive betrayal and pain heaped on you ON PURPOSE by someone who promised to love you and protect you? How do you continue to reach your hand out to such a person, only to have it ignored and scorned? This is where I have been (and most of us have been).

I told my wife last night that I did indeed come to some realizations yesterday. And for a brief time as we talked, I did see that what I was saying got thru the fog. And it is because we both know this to be the truth.

As I said, I will answer all of the messages above today…but some of them will be included in what I am saying about last night. And here is what I told her:

I told her that there has been three reasons I continued to try to make this work. First, was because my God said so. The second is because I wanted to save my children’s family. And third, because I do love my wife and want to be with her. The first two are the main reasons why I have stood so long…why I have gotten back up when I made mistakes. But it is the third that I think at least ties into what many of you are saying.

You see, the anger of what she has done has never left. I have tried to purge it, but inevitably, something my wife would do (usually continued contact with the Troll) would cause the anger to come flooding back over me. I wondered why in all of the rest of my life, I felt so at peace. I felt like even in bad things, that I was okay. But when it came to my WW, I could feel the anger and hurt flood over me every time she would fall away. This is why I have said that I have been in awe of Dazed. He almost never has done this.

When some here talk of abuse, I understand what you are saying. And I know that there have been times when both of us have been “abusive” in one way or another toward each other during the last 4 years. But I don’t agree that I have abused my wife in the traditional sense of the term (except for the incident 4 years ago that everyone knows about here).

I told her last night that I believed my hurt and anger (and at the basis of anger is fear) really did cause my love busters. Sure, she came home. Several times. But she hadn’t ended contact and she hadn’t committed to the marriage. I was left in a very unsafe place and with no real way to protect myself. So that fear bred anger as my wife continued in her adultery, continued in her betrayal of me and God.

Most of the time, the other two reasons (kids and God) would come into play and calm the forces of fear. I would go to church, or talk to a Christian friend. And the anger would disappear. Or I would look at my kids and see why I was doing this. And the fear would disappear and I would become emboldened.

But, there have been times when my fear and anger overcame me. Where I did DJ. Where I did pull back from her. Where I did begin to doubt why I was doing this.

I told her that my heart has always been in saving our marriage, because of those three things. But the third…the part of me and her together…has been a source of constant battle for 4 years. I told her I don’t know that even if I had been perfect in that area, that it would have changed things with her. I think FH is very much onto something, when he said that the first issue here has always been who is on the Throne in my wife’s world. It is has been quite evident that the person on the Throne in Mrs. Mortarman’s life is her.

I went on to tell that even though I tried, that the anger was still there. The fear was still there. Most FWSs on here understand that once they commit to work on the marriage, their first responsibility is to protect their betrayed spouse. To do whatever it takes to make them feel safe and to protect them from the cruel and destructive behavior that the WS had heaped upon them.

This never happened. She held onto a cell phone that the Troll owned for years. She would send the check every month for the bill. That alone doomed us, because it was a stab at me and our marriage every time she picked it up. It was also continued contact. And that wasn’t the only thing. Nowhere did she EVER make the effort to protect me. I know for a fact that if she had made even an effort in this area…that my anger would have been placated and I could have done better in that area.

But I told her, that ultimately, I know that in that area…because she was unwilling to give me what I needed…that ended up holding onto my anger and fear. Sometimes that manifested itself into overt behavior…such as arguments where I would not listen to her side of things. Sometimes it was more covert, such as just being silent and pulling away. She said last night that soon after we moved back in together in January 2005, that she felt me pull away again. I look back, and in some ways, that was true. Sure, I continued to try to engage her in going to counseling or in trying to work on things. But my heart was saying something different. It was in “protect mode” from a person who almost killed it, and was showing no care for it now.

She said she had felt the conflict in my heart. She felt and knew that the Mortarman apart from Jesus wouldn’t want anything to do with her. I likened this to what some of you said above. Here she was seeking her husband…and his heart was filled with contempt for her.

I told her that part of that was true. That my hear did have contempt for her…but it also had love for her. That was the battle. That was why I could go from wanting to work on things to wanting to end it because she wasn’t worth it. I guess she could feel that conflict in my heart, and maybe was scared herself that she would put back into this…only to have my contempt side win and me move on.

While I write this, I do have to say that this does not excuse her lack of making any effort. If she had gone to counseling, she would have learned that this is an ordinary condition for a BS. And she would have learned that in order to overcome that, she must protect me from her! Of course, after three sessions…she no longer went to counseling. Sure, the counselor got to some very hot topics (we had just gone thru the custody hearing the month before and me finding her in bed with the Troll again) last year. And later on, she did say that she felt the session had dumped on her (I had felt that way also). But this counselor had wanted to lay things out there, to see where we were at, in order to help us understand what must be done to move forward. She was unwilling to do that and thus left counseling after a couple of sessions.

Added to all of this is the fact that my wife is a very angry woman now. She wasn’t that way before I left for Bosnia. She has assaulted me physically in four cases. She feels it is okay to constantly stay on the negative when she is angry. That pretty much has not changed in the last four years. Which again, leads me to the same conclusion that 2Long and others have said here…that contact and the affair has never ended. Which means, just as she said a year ago…this recovery was no recovery…it was her trying to void a judges order and to get her kids back.

Anyway, I told her that I do still love her and pray for her. That I am and always will be open to what the Lord wants for me and us. And I am open to do what is best for the kids. But the third part, I am no longer open to fight that fight between the anger and the love. I want the anger gone. And thus, I do want this divorce to proceed forward as at this point, she continues to be incapable of doing what is needed and expected by God, by her children and by me.

I ended with telling her that I was sorry for not being better at all of this. I have changed a lot. But as is true of ALL of us humans…I have a long way to go. I told her I did try my best. But I also said that I wish she had given me the chance that we deserved.

I then shut up and she began to speak. She immediately (her face showed this) went from understanding to a fogged out look of anger. Instead of taking my apology, instead of just understanding that I was trying to relay what I had learned and to accept it as such…she began to use the opportunity to berate me and to bring up the negatives again. Of course, I wasn’t going to allow that and shut down the conversation.

But an interesting thing happened during that conversation when she started in on me again. Because I have decided that the anger is just not going to be a part of my life anymore, when she did these things and I began to feel the anger and hurt well up…I just began to say inside me “No, I am not allowing this.” And it went away.

I realize now who was behind that. As someone said above, Satan knows where to hit our weaknesses. I used to have the weakness of not liking being accused of something I didn’t do. It would drive me nuts. Now? Well, I have learned to just walk away knowing that the person who thinks that will just have to believe a lie. So it doesn’t affect me anymore. But Satan has been poking at my anger. Trying to knock me over. Using it to move me off mission. Using it in order to help me keep going the climate of anger that my wife was fostering.

But, as Scripture says, when a Christian says “Away Satan,” Satan MUST leave. At least for that moment. What I was saying last night was when Satan probed at my anger, stoking it…I said “No…away…” and he had to listen. It was VERY powerful, because I could IMMEDIATELY feel his presence leave from around me. Also, curiously, it was then that my wife stopped talking and decided to go into the bathroom. I am not saying Satan went with her…I am saying that for that moment, when Satan left the room, that maybe for a second, her torment did also.

Very powerful stuff here, folks. It is like being an infantryman and walking thru the woods for so long with this heavy pack, and then finally looking in the pack and seeing a whole mess of weaponry you didn’t know you had.

She came in a little later to lay into me about taxes and more about my supposed bad things of my past (all typical of a WS in contact with the OP!!). But I had learned something about this finally. And I know now that her, nor anyone else, will ever be able to play my fears and anger again. It was a very big step for me last night.

Now, I want to get to all of your posts. Please don’t respond to this one until I can get thru them (I will leave a post at the end saying I am caught up).

In His arms.

I hope my new post answered that question, SC.

In His arms.

As always, thsi was a great post. For those that believe thru my postings here that I have given up on her...I have not. Not in the sense that I want the Lord to redeem her. But I have to now give her over, so that she might be won.

Someone once said that when a believer departs a home (and the other spouse isnt a believer), that Jesus departs also. I believe this. I believe this in this way: because when the believer leaves, the blessings and protections that accumulate on that home because of the believer's presence, are no longer there once the believer departs. I think my wife doesnt fully see that. Unfortunately for her, it looks like she will get to see that very soon!

In His arms.

BB, you said it very well!

In His arms.

MM:

Don't read this yet! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But I have 2 type while this is fresh in my mind...


I understand a lot better how your sitch has played out recently, where you and your W are on your individual paths.

The first point I see is that you're in very different places on the path 2 enlightenment. Not on the same page, perhaps not even the same chapter, so 2 speak.

And I think you're about at the point, if you're not there already, that you can truly lovingly let her go and continue on your path, because you have pretty nearly learned all you can from this chapter of your life.

But your W has several chapters 2 go. And OM may likely be a character in the next few chapters. I don't know for sure. It IS hard 2 imagine, still, that the "outcome" at the end of this stage of her personal growth, will have OM in it in any way at all, but it may take a while for her 2 come 2 that realization on her own (and she needs 2 do this on her own).

Fundamentally, you have still been dealing with an active A, with the secrecy feeding it and perpe2ating it in the background all this time. That had 2 end before your family could continue forward.

It will end, 2. The secrecy has ended, finally. And now that it has, the A will 2.

But it may take a while, and you're not obligated 2 hang your life on a hook and wait for it.



I think in sitches like this, the process simply can't be rushed, and thinking about it - we shouldn't even want our life-lessons 2 be rushed.



I'm reminded of what Spacecase told me about his DV. In texas, they're required 2 go 2 classes for DVing people (not with their STBXs, necessarily). He said he and one other person were the only ones in the class that weren't bitter and angry 2ward their Xs. He still cares for his xW, but is in a new R now. I like visiting with him, because his happiness lights up the whole room.

You will be fine. So will your W, someday.

-ol' 2long

FH,

Thanks for yoru prayers and support. As you said, as we gather, so does the Lord. So He is very much a part of what is going on this thread right now!!

I will cover all of your posts here. And you have been dead on in what is going on here.

Who is Jesus to my wife? HHHmmmmmm?!?! Of course, she would need to answer that herself. Before the affair? I believed He was her Lord and Savior. Now? I believe that she believes He is God, that He is who He said He was, and that He is her Savior. But He is NOT her Lord!

I have talked with ehr many tiems about this during all of this. And I get the usual justificatiosn of "My Jesus loves me...He knew this would happen and allowed it...He knew we would mess up...He died for all of my sins...I believe Jesus loves me and will see me thru this." Again, all justifications for sin. All just saying "I can do what I want, and Jesus will be there to pick up the pieces. He will accept me in the end." And while true..as David and the others that were discussed by Neak earlier...God accepting them back came at a huge price.

What if God exacted the same justice on my wife? What if one of our kids were taken by Him because of her rebellion? Would it be worth it to her then?

I have firmly believed that my presence i nthe house has held back the wrath of God. I didnt want my wife to feel any more pain!

But, I have realized that now my presence is actually sin. It is me getting in the way of God. It is me not trusting God with my wife. It is the question that has been asked of me before..."MM, do you think God loves your wife less than you do?"

So, the answer clearly to yoru question, even without her actually answering this...is that Mrs. Mortarman is on the Throne in her life. And if she is indeed a Christian, we both know that Christ WILL NOT accept that! He is God. It is His Throne. We were bought with a price...we are not our own.

I will say again that to my wife, she would say that Jesus is God, He is her Savior. But He clearly is NOT her Lord.

She has reserved that position for herself.

In His arms.

Thank you for the prayers, Carnation!!I know that this is the most effective weapon in our arsenal!

In His arms.

For those that have asked about 9/11, I would like to lump those together and respond all at once (as there are a lot of posts to catch up on).

Before 9/11, the few years before, we had serious financial problems. First off, my father had died at age 54. Then, our house flooded with sewage the next year. And anyone that says insurance covers everything is lying to you. It doesnt cover enough! We began to go into huge debt and were on the verge of bankruptsy when I left for Bosnia. During all of this, my wife had just had our youngest son (she was a SAHM). She had begun to pull back from me, especially in the areas of intimacy and sex. Which are my top ENs. This was probably due to her top EN (financial security) was obviously not being met.

So, as she pulled back, I began to also. I would fall asleep on the couch many nights...when she wanted me to come to bed. She needed me beside her...but because of the finances and stuff, I found myself needing the TV on and drowning things out until I sort of passed out. It was the only way I could find to sleep.

During this, I began to watch porno more and more...which once she found out that I was down stairs with that...it just caused further resentment.

As you can see, we were in a nasty cycle downward. One that each of our actions was making things worse and worse. Then, my unit got the word that we were going to Bosnia for 7 months. This happened in March 2001. I began to see this as an opportunity. I promised my wife that I would leave the military when I got back, that I would find a job with more money and we would begin to get rid of this mess. I also began to tell her that I wanted to work on things...to get us back to our loving marriage. The day I left, I kissed her and asked her to just hold on until I got back. That everything would be alright once I got back. I then prayed over our bed as she slept, asking God to protect my family.

In the meantime, she had decided to go to nursing school in order to help our situatuion. She was to start that September while I was in Bosnia.

So, here we were with huge financial problems, strained relationship between us, three kids (the youngest 3 years old), husband off to deployment, and now the first year of nursing school (boot camp!!!).

I landed in Bosnia September 10, 2001. A day later, everything changed! When I heard about the attacks, I tried to call home but international long distance was shut down to the East Coast of the US. I tried and tried for over an hour. I then had a program that auto calls locally that I have on the web (I used it to call parents when we had rainouts for baseball games), and I typed in a message ot my wife that I am okay...and that I am trying to get ahold of her. I told her to go to my Mom's house and wait for me to call.

But it was that evening that our friends came up to take the kids because she was freaking out. i did get to talk with her briefly. I tried to console her...but she seemed distant.

It was that night that we began hunting Al Qaeda. It was that night that the Troll first came into my house.

I hope that helps you understand the sequence of events and what happened surrounding 9/11.

In His arms.

Mimi...

It isnt that I have necessarily given up on my wife. It is that I am taking a tactical withdrawal. I am no longer able to continue the fight. I am now allowing the Lord to fully take over without my involvement.

I am open to what the Lord works out in this. As of now, I must concentrate on what is in front of me. And my wife is not one of those things. She is in my prayers. And I pray the Lord works miracles, because right now, that is the only way she will move away from this divorce and the Troll.

In His arms.

Mulan,

I have not seen that film. I will look for it.

Yes, I do have compassion for my wife. As I put in my recent update from last night, I do see where I could have done better...and will. But I am not driving this train. So, where this goes from here really isnt up to me.

In His arms.

I am...as you can see from today's post.


Which is the fine line, right? You see, as my exampel I used earlier...if my wife said she wanted to murder someone, then I can say "No, that is wrong." That is not a DJ. The key is my motivation and how I say it. if I am using it to beat her up or coerce her, then that is wrong. But I dont think I have ever done that. I almost always have told her that it is her choice...but this is what God says. And i nthe end, no matter her choice, I will follow God. if she chooses not to, then she chooses to go that way alone...without her husband and without God's blessing.


It is different respecting value systems that are different...than respecting wrong actions. The members of NAMBLA (pedofiles) have a value system quite different than my own. I in no way am under an obligation to validate their value syste. What they are about is wrong. What my wife has been about (adultery and divorce) is wrong. Those things needs not be validated.


I may agree with the first part, as I am very opionated. The second part is wrong though, as has been discussed previously. There was no nuclear option. I didnt hold custody over her head. She filed for divorce, she sought custody of my kids, she sought to limit my exposure to them. I, in response, sought custody, did nto try to limit her exposure to them. And I got custody. Now, how is that a nuclear option?


True!


And these happened, not due to anything I did...but to her own actions. I wasnt behind her decision to screw around. I wasnt behind her decision to file for divorce. I was not behind her decision to try to get custody and limit their interaction with their father. If any of the things that happened "destroyed" her, then it was because of her own actions. Her losing her kids was because of her actions only. I didnt want that to happen. I also didnt want it to happen to me.

You see, I believe that if you want to commit adultery and destroy a marriage, you really have no right to anythign the family "owns." Cars, house, kids, etc. All things a part of the family...stay with the family. The person that wants to leave the marriage is also wanting to leave the family. Because the major part of the family is first and foremost, the husband and the wife.


I have said in my last post that both of us have visited "abusive" behavior on each other. I understand what Stosny has said. By his definitions, I also am abused. As a matter of fact, every spouse is abused. But I do get the point that I have contineud to try to become a better person and better at not visiting my hurt or anger on my wife thru DJs or other love busters. Sadly, she has never done the same.


I understand. And I do own my actions. I wont own hers. Some of what you have listed above go squarely in her corner. Those that are mine...I have always been willing to address and repent from.

Thanks again.

In His arms.

Okay folks...I know there were others, but hopefully I covered everything. if not, please post again. Already, open the posting gates!!

In His arms.

Repeating:

--------------------------------
MM,

I can't seem to get you and your family off my mind.

Let me ask you a question. The very first time you posted to me, I believe -- when I came here as a FWW struggling with whether to tell my H about my affair -- you asked me if I am a Christian. I gave you a one-word reply. "No".

I remember wondering whether you'd then ignore me. Or maybe try to convert me. You did neither. You continued to be a friend and teacher, without preaching to me or hammering me with quotes from scripture. And you helped me soooo much. Why? Why did you bother with me?

--SC

(I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. And, yes, I am sort-of setting you up. But I hope you'll answer anyway.)
--------------------------------

Unless you skipped this on purpose, which is fine. But just in case you missed it....

Mortarman, thank you for the answer to my post. I am so glad that you're starting to own and understand the tremendous damage that your anger can do -- and almost certainly has done. I didn't realize that you also spent a lot of time looking at porn at one time. Do you still, or have you found ways to end that practice? It can be tremendously damaging to an already fragile spouse like your wife. You might want to check out some of the Gentle Path series, by Patrick Carnes, for further information.

I think you have a beginning of an understanding about anger and how to turn it into other things. I really hope you'll look more at Stosny's work. He was featured on Oprah last year. You might consider going to one of his Boot Camp trainings. You'll learn a lot, I think.

One other thing that I read is a lot of blame and resentment toward your wife. Some of it reads like, "It's all her fault because of her affair." I know you don't believe that all the time. I also know that you're tempted to believe it some of the time.

MM, if it's all her fault, then it's all in her control and you are in the most helpless, powerless position in the world. It's all hopeless and there's nothing you can do.

I don't think you want to believe that -- it's something that's there some of the time, when you're down and stressed and upset and working your way toward angry (even if you don't get there). You said that you're willing to own your own stuff, and I know that's true. So each time you consider pointing a finger at your wife's wrongs, consider instead spending the time on your own stuff. Your wife may choose not to correct her own faults, which we all have. You can't control that. You can control your own actions and responses, and there's a lot that you've learned and will continue to learn with that focus.

Thank you MM for your last post which explains quite a bit more, and in a way which doesn't leave us all in such a state of agitation/worry.

I sincerely hope that you two find your way back to each other some day. You both have been through a lot.

And as they say, some times you must let go and let God.

MM,
As someone who reads and reflects on your sage advice to others, I am sorry to hear about these developments. I offer the following two prayers/verses that helped me (and continue to help me) through my trials: One from a Lenten prayer book and the other from Proverbs.

Prayer of Cardinal Newman

“God has created me to do Him some definite service: He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another.
I have my mission – I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told of it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
He has not created me for naught. I shall do good. I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher or truth in my own place, while not intending it, if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore I will trust Him. Whatever, wherever I am. I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him; if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him.
He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends, he may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.”

Proverbs 12:4

“A worthy wife is the crown of her husband, but a disgraceful one is like rot in his bones.”

Proverbs hits the mark, if a WS continues their disgraceful behavior, then there's the outcome for the BS. Thank you for your honesty and self-reflection, a source of strength for many on this board.

V/r,
No Way

Just missed it, SC. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

The reason I "bothered" with you is that I know that as an unbeliever, it wouldnt do much good to "preach" at you. To quote verses wouldnt do much good either.

The reason I continued the effort because no matter who you are, we are all here in order to try to save marriages.

The reason I tried to help you is because I really do care.

I understand where you are going with this. And to an extent, you are correct. But, if you ask Dorry (and go look at her thread), she will tell you I did not work with her in the same way. Why? Because she professed to be saved and a follower of Jesus. As such, she would know that she is not her own, she was bought with a price.

It is like helping a neighbor with this problem...or helping your brother. Wouldnt you handle the issue differently with the neighbor, than with your brother? Even the same issue? I mean, a neighbor you know. But a brother or sister...well, you REALLY know them because they are family.

I could talk to Dorry that way because I know Dorry, even though I have never met her and had never talked to her before. How? Because she is part of the family. She has characteristics that are the same throughout the family. She has the same Father. The same rules. The same love shown to her by Him as to me. Thus, I would hold her more accountable and be more upfront with her than I would my neighbor...who I care for just as much.

Does that make any sense?

In His arms.

As I said...I do own my faults. I do own my anger. I do not believe my anger has been atypical for what has been going on. I think, in fact, I have been mostly rather patient and have controlled my justified anger. But your point is well taken. Even though I am justified in my anger, I do not want that anger to get the best of me. Thus, as I spelled out above...I have been learning how to let it go.


Yes, it was damaging to her. Early in our marriage, we actually had watched together. Back then, I had seen no problem with it and neither did she. Obvously there is! But, the fact that I was watching that poro and sleeping on the couch some nights instead of coming to bed, I know hurt her. Back then, I though I was doing her a favor. she kept saying "no" a lot of time to my advances. I knew she was worried about the finances. I knew she was tired from the young'un. And I was overly stressed from fighting the financial battles. So, I thought there was no harm in, rather than approach her for sex or intimacy, to just let her have her rest. I was wrong, and I know that now. Wish I knew that then. Porn is no longer a factor in our marriage!


I will look for it. As I have always said, I do want to learn. especially if i am wrong...because I do not like to be wrong.


I dont think I am so much pointing the finger at her wrongs, as just trying to understand and own what part of all of this is mine. I am trying to see what is my responsibility, because by doing that...I then can work on what I can do. Her affair is owned by her. I dont have a part in that. That is entirely her choice.

Thanks again. As I said, I do appreciate being challenged and learning more about myself.

In His arms.