MM:

How bad was the tax hit? Damn taxes crushed me this year also. I was stalling sending that return in, as I know the good tax payers of these United States were waiting for those funds that I owe.

Did you find any late tax deductions in your fury to get the return in on time?

LM

Thanks!!

In His arms.

No way...thanks for the prayers. I needed that. And I do agree with what Proverbs says there!

In His arms

Mortarman, I don't think I noticed a reply to this post.

However, I posted it at 5:53am so you may have
easily missed it. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

********************************************************

Mr. Mortarman....would it be possible for Mrs. Mortarman
to begin a thread and post here at MB?

It would be helpful for her to share what is going on inside of her. HER THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.

She would get kind and caring advice from MB members.

It would be very good for your marriage. It might even SAVE it.
(The way things are now, it sure couldn't hurt.)


What do you think, MM?

P.S. You are getting lots of good advice from others.

**********************************************************

Unfortunately...no. Our tax situation is a mess, and this is another thing I must lay at my wife's feet. it is what precipitated her filing for divorce. I had come to her all last year and told her that now that she was working, we needed to sit down and work on the finances. We needed to buy a house. We have been renting since she took the proceeds of the sale of our home right after I returned from Bosnia and bought a boob job and squandered the rest on running her little "love pad" for her and the Troll). Anyway, she wouldnt work with me, wouldnt show me the bills. Wouldnt meld our finances together again. It has been "yours" and "mine." So, when I had to address the tax issue and address some finance issues still remaing from our horrible past, she didnt want any part in it. but I still had to be responsible, so I told her that if she couldnt sit down and help me with a solution to this, then I would have to take on the issues myself. Which meant less money I was giving to her. She blew up...and within days had filed.

Fast forward to this weekend. we have always filed jointly. Last year we got hit with a $13k tx biil with which we had only paid $8k. So, we had to choke down $5k. This year, our tax bill rose to $21k, with which we had only paid in close to $11k. So you can see things aint good there!!

So, just another reason to look at my wife and wonder why she continues to destroy. I didnt say that to her...but we are stuck in the tax situation we are due entirely to her not working with me and us not getting a plan of attack together. As I just wrote to JustJ, I am not passing blame. I am saying what is the truth...we are in another mess...and I could do nothing about it.

Add all of this to the fact that we are wasting money on attorneys because my wife wants to end things...and you can see that I just wonder when she will stop destroying lives and our financial future.

It just keeps getting interesting, huh?

So, how did you make out?

In His arms.

MM, we were posting at the same time.
Check message above yours. Thanks.

I created a username for her years ago she never wanted to come on. And I know even if she did right now, she would just use it to vent and tell people every negative thing about me. Which would be fine (as I have nothing to hide and I think I have already told you all). It would be fine because she has her perspective on all of this, which needs to get out. But the problem would be that she wouldnt be looking for honest replies right now. She would only be looking for those that would agree and validate her.

That may sound like a DJ. But it wasnt meant to be. Just trying to make an honest assessment of what I believe is the reason she wont come on here. I wish she would. I wish she would be open to counseling. Because I know if she would finally open up and be ready to look at herself, atthe marriage and want to do something about it, I know for a fact that this would all be able to move forward and be great.

That is why this is all so sad...and frustrating.

In His arms.

Mortar:

Ok, I am gonna throw something out here for your thoughts. I live by the axiom of taking 100% responsibility for your life. I think you are assigning too much power to your wife on this.

The facts of the matter are that YOU SHOULD HAVE never let it get to this. You cannot in good faith be in the hole $5,000 to the government (with growing interest) and then get back in the same predicament this year.

I have to wonder how a man with as much wisdom as you could let this happen to your financial house. I have to wonder how much of "ignoring" the big white elephant in the corner of the room with respect to your wifes poor financial accumen had to do with you conflict avoiding in an effort to stay married and on the road to "recovery" with your cheating wife.....almost as if you were walking around on egg shells with this. If you are honest, you'll have to admit that that played a role here. I am sure that if I were in your shoes, the same would have probably happened to me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I think you have some things that you need to do now. Placating your wife in any way IS NOT one of them.

I am worried that your wife will drag you back into this abyss.....when things become uncomfortable for her (as the ofcourse will). I am worried for that, so I guess I cannot in good conscious root for you to "recover" with her now. I think that your wife is much more "broken" than the addict proponent theorists say. I think it is so much deeper than that.

I feel your pain, and I feel your desperation and anger. In the end though, taking 100% responsibility for this predicament is the ONLY way you can ever prevent it from happening again.

Just my thoughts.....take em or leave em.

You'll survive this....noone doubts that here. I certainly know you will.

Lem

I agree with this, 2Long! And I remember Spacecase. I am glad he is doing well now.

In His arms.

Yes, I can. It is called a wife that does not want to sit down and plan out our finances. To plan out our deductions. To plan out how to buy our next house, so we are no longer renting. I cant just up and move. In so many ways, she has me stuck!!


True on the eggshells deal. Really, it has always been a sore point as she has always been financially demanding. But, i nthis case, I couldnt force her to sit down and work out a plan. I couldnt force her to buy a house, etc. And talking to her did no good. I even warned her that this very thing would happen. It fell on deaf ears.


You are correct!! This is what I have been saying.


The only way I could have changed this was either leave (ad leave my kids behind ) or to have never reconciled last year. Those things I could have controlled. And then I could have controlled the financial situation and this would not have happened!


You hit pretty close to the mark, Lem. But I will say that I dont know much of what I could have done to change the financial situation with a wife that refused any efforts at working on it or compromise.

In His arms.

MM:

But what is so different about TODAY on the finances than 3 years ago? You knew this was her makeup? Someone as smart and an insightful as you had to know this was going to be the financial conclusion to this as she continued to NOT want to work on this with you.

I guess we will disagree on this. It is easy to MMQB this now. You don't need more $hit with this. I will leave this alone.

LM

Actually, Mortarman didn't "own" any of the damage his anger at his wife’s adultery may have caused in the marriage. He said he sees some of his DJ's after he found out about the betrayal weren't helpful. Big difference. Also, please note he was REACTING to the evil done by his wife. He did not precipitate it. Actually, the damage to the marriage was done by an obscene, slimy, adulterous relationship. The adultery was committed by a woman who is the personification of selfishness and freely admits it. What is so hard to understand about that? Quit blaming the betrayed spouse for things beyond his control and concentrate on helping him get through this.

LH:

Greetings. I can only assume that you were NOT talking about any thing I specifically said above. I happen to believe that this whole thing goes way beyond an affair or an "addiction" as is commonly referenced here and used IMVHO as a "catchall" for despicable behavior.

The finances issue is my main concern for MM. He does not feel he had any control over what happened, and I strongly, but respectfully beg to differ with him on this...I feel he had a GREAT amount of control over this (financial disaster) happening.

We see it "differently". I happen to believe that for whatever reason he knew choosing to do what he did (recovering with a woman who did NOT fully suscribe to recovery and follow through with counseling) may result in this devestating financial outcome. In the end, we are all 100% responsible for choices and outcomes that we make in life. I have made some bad choices in life, and even choices that have ended people's life's prematurely, so I know from where I speak.

In surgery, the definition of "experience" is having had previous bad judgement <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Sad but true.

If it was my opinion on things that made you post what you did above, please enlighten me. I am happy to look at it differently.

Thanks

LM

Nope, Lemon, I didn't even read your post before throwing mine into the mix.

Lem,

He was posting in response to some others.

And I do own the fact that I did have choices. Of course none of them good. The only way around this financial issue would have to have never tried to reconcile with my wife. I was under the impression when we got back together a year ago, that she was redy to work. She even had said to our counselor that she wanted us to give our finances over to someone to come up with a plan for us. So, I believed she was truly wanting to work on things.

She then did none of it!

So, apart from not accepting her back and just going my own way (which at this point, appears to have been what I should have done financially)...I am not sure what I could have done last year to get her off the stick and engaged in our finances.

In His arms.
In His arms.

LH:

Care 2 be more specific?

Lem:

I understand what you're saying about experience. Similarly, in space exploration, we recognize that we learn our engineering lessons from our failures, not our successes. If a rocket explodes on the pad, or a lander lithobrakes on Mars, we learn how 2 make them better next time.

Sadly, though the cost of a lost spacecraft is miniscule compared 2 the loss of a human life, it is nonetheless ginormous, and can (and has) killed careers.


So much of what MM is going through is similar 2 that lived by many MBers. I didn't know he and his W had remained apart most of the time since he ended his plan B over 2 years ago (?).

Whatever MM decides (and I agree he must take full responsibility for all of his choices), his W will forever be the mother of his kids. He's going 2 have 2 continue 2 make an effort 2 facilitate their continued contact, while seeking primary custody.

In many ways, then, the struggle will never end. It'll just morph.

-ol' 2long

That is the saddest thing I have heard today...unfortunately!

In His arms.

2L, I'm not addressing whether MM made a mistake letting his wife back into his life. What I'm concerned about are some posts that appear to blame him and his "anger" for causing the marital discord in the first place and then a few DJ's for making it impossible to reconcile.

2long:

I fully am with you here. I think it is almost harder to have to be civil and cordial to someone who has hurt you so much. It is actually easier to NOT talk to them and just ignore them and remove them from your life.

Our man Mortar can't ever do that. He is forever tied to this woman, and all of the Plan B, or silent treatment or anything can never change that.

For the record, sometimes in life, we must take chances and those chances do not work out the way we want. I also concede that. Mortar had to take a financial risk in getting back with his WW ( who had already revealed the propensity to lie, cheat, and be of terrible financial mind)and trying to salvage the marriage for his childrens sake, and his marriages sake. I get that. I understand it. However, I also believe somewhere deep down inside he knew the risks....but to him it was "worth it" to at least try. I don't for one second begrudge him for that. I don't want people to think that is my point. It isn't.

Money can always be earned....a chance at a recovered marriage sometimes cannot.

That being said....I just motion that ALL of his efforts now go to getting primary custody of his children and becoming financially solvent....with not an ounce of effort go wasted in helping a woman who does NOT want to be helped.

Perhaps this is a controversial opinion....so be it.

Lem

Well said, LM.

In His arms.