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Would you all KNOCK IT OFF...........or I am closing the thread (just kidding..I always wanted to say that)...
LM
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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I would LOVE to hear from Mrs Mortarman as 2Long suggested. (Kinda suggested. lol)
We are only hearing this one side; typical of this forum but how about including her in this conversation?
Maybe Members here could HELP her?
Has she read this thread and what you have been saying about her? Yeah, she knows pretty much what goes on here. And she has been invited here. I created her screen name for her. She wont come. Earlier on, it was mentioned for her to join in Marriage Builders discussion site and you said something like she would just be critical of you.
Holy Moly, MM, what have you been of her? Honest. But if you have read my threads over the years, you know I have laid my mess out there too. I would suggest that you might read those so you know that there is more on here than just this thread. Start in June 2002. And, another point...I said if she comes on right now...IF (because I doubt she will even though she has had the chance and been invited countless times), I can tell you EXACTLY what she will say. Which is fine...she can say whatever she likes. But her motivation wont be to find things out or get help. Her motivation will just be to trash me. And I know that. At least right now. But I am a big boy, and I have no problem if she would come on here and say what she wants to say. No problem at all. And this sentence so bothers me; your PRETEND Plan B or giving her the silent treatment. SO VERY CRUEL. There is no pretend Plan B. I am not in Plan B yet. I am not giving her the silent treatment. what I am doing is resting. I have nothing really I want to discuss with her. I really dont want to hear about her day right now, or about how things are at work, or any of it. You see, the Harley's spell this point out very well...and I know where I am at. I am at the bring of losing the love I have had for my wife. The bank has a few pennies left in it. So, I am standing by for Plan B as soon as I can make that happen. Until then, all it will take will be ONE more interaction like last Friday, and I will FOREVER close the door to her. So, my not wanting to talk right now has to do with not being able to talk. Period. This is NOT a game! While SPOTLIGHTING HER sins, are you blinded to your own? (We are all sinners, every single one of us.) No. Have you read ANY of my threads? Do you even know my story? Do you know that I have been around here for 4 years, and I have all of this down pat. I know what is going on. I know my options. Right now, due to the love bank being almost empty, I have chosen the only option available to me right now. I suggest before you come on here making assumptions, that you go back and read. I have laid out my sins...all of them. If I forgot any, it is only due to oversight...not covering up. I believe there is no help if you cover up...that you need everything out there so others can understand what the dynamics are. So, please make sure who you are talking to and about before posting. Thanks! Mortarman quote: "Right now, there are NO more discussions going on with my wife. I am not filling one EN of hers right now. The only talk is concerning the kids. And that is brief and to the point. She tried last night to strike up a conversation with me."
Why are you doing this??? How can your marriage possibly recover in this kind of a home environment? It probably cant. That is where we are at now. The recovery of the marriage at this point will be up to her and God. God has asked me to sit down and get out of the way. I am doing so. This is His show now...entirely. I didnt want this for her. I didnt want it to come to this. In the coming weeks and months, I know I will be posting what will undoubtably be some very bad times for my wife. I have no doubt that the Lord is going to chastise her because she REFUSES to listen to Him...refuses His love...refuses to obey Him. I am not gettign involved in that...I will only screw it up. Instead, I sit here and wait on either her to file and go her way...or her be brought to her knees...and to sanity again. Either way, as 2Long and JL stated above...this is no longer my problem. Folks, it seems like everyone here needs a refresher course in the Harley principles and what they do and dont do. Sometimes, Plan A and Plan B comes to this. Sometimes, it takes pain for people to turn around from their sinful ways (I know...because that is what iit took for me!). Sometimes, even due to our best efforts, our spouses will NEVER do the right thing. I have done ALL I can. I have not left ONE stone unturned. As Dr. Dobson puts in his book...it is time to open the door and let her go. No pursuing, no arguing...no trying to convince her. Let her go. I keep hearing this stuff from people on here where they think I am abusive, or abandoning MB principles or I am not being a Christian husband. And I wonder why. I didnt have D-Day two weeks...it was 4 years ago. I am not a newby to MB So it comes back to...what is this all about? I know all of this stuff. I know what to do. Why am I getting all of this stuff, which clearly isnt what has happened or is happening? This perplexes me. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM, I admire you. You are really following the MB plans.
cc
"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
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Would you all KNOCK IT OFF...........or I am closing the thread (just kidding..I always wanted to say that)...
LM THAT dawg STOLE my LINE!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Forever, I hear what you and MM are saying.... I have a question... Bear with me for a moment and look at this STRICTLY from a MB point of view.... Don't the Harleys recommend two years in Plan B? Hasn't MM, himself, encouraged us to follow this PLAN strictly? I don't get the 4 years cop-out... Yes, he has the the scriptural right to divorce his wife...OK But the Lord still hates divorce and if there is a way to prevent it (using MBers), I believe that MY LORD would support MM in this...hold him IN HIS ARMS... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Mimi, I am not divorcing my wife. She is trying to divorce me. Let's get that straight. If she files again, after she gets the chance to separate, there is nothing I can do to stop it. But since she doesnt have cause (adultery, abuse, abandonment, etc), he will have to wait six months after there is a separation before she can file for divorce. The issue for me is that I am not trying to work on the marriage now. As soon as she takes off (and I have no doubt she will soon), I will be in full out Plan B. Dark as dark can get. I would start today, but we are living in the same house and even sleeping in the same bed, so that is not possible. Yet. I have not abandoned the principles. I havent even abandoned my marriage. What I am doing is taking a rest. Plan B is for that and I need Plan B. I am ot interested in meeting her needs anymore. I am not interested in trying to even stop the divorce, if and when it comes. I am interested in sitting down and resting without this on my back anymore. My wife has enough information to process what to do. As JL says, in your life, eventually, the right answer almost always presents itself. well, my wife has been presented the right answer for over 4 years now...and she chooses not to take that. Okay. This is Plan B time. And as the Czar of Plan B, I can tell you, I know what it is about. It is about ME! It is NOT about my wife. What happens to her is between her and God. I know the conditions needed to go to Plan B. I know what to look for. I meet those conditions. I am tired and spent. I know should another conversation go bad again like her attack last Friday, that I will no longer be capable of LBing. I know this. So does God, which is why He says "Let the unbeliever go." As was said above, the Coach has put me on the bench now. The game stil lcontinues and I hope the good guys win. But, for now...I will just sit here icing my sore muscles and sipping on a Gatorade. It is all I can do right now. As I said, this aint over. None of us know how this turns out. But please remember, it isnt I that is trying to divorce. I have not filed and have no intention to right now. And if my wife decided to finally pull her head out...I would accept her with open arms. But that is not likely to happen without a lot more pain in her life. But that is not my problem. That is between her and God. If she wants to live in rebellion to Him, I am quite certain our Father in Heaven can deal with a rebellious child! In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Would you all KNOCK IT OFF...........or I am closing the thread (just kidding..I always wanted to say that)...
LM Knock what off? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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FH:
Well said.
Good post.
(except it's "Proterozoic")
-ol' 2long
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MM:
"The issue for me is that I am not trying to work on the marriage now. As soon as she takes off (and I have no doubt she will soon), I will be in full out Plan B. Dark as dark can get. I would start today, but we are living in the same house and even sleeping in the same bed, so that is not possible. Yet."
Curious that she still wants 2 sleep with you, if leaving is her intent.
I think you're doing well, MM.
-ol' 2long
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Alph,
No modified MB principles coming from me. I have been going right by the book.
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Well, I can't read the original Hebrew so I can't debate with you the linguistics. I can only read English (which I truly do lament), so all I can go by is my language, so that is the basis for my argument. I stand by it - until such a time as I learn Hebrew. What I was trying to convey about the unbeliever is that you can not approach an unbeliever as if they were a Christian. You can not tell them to go get right with Jesus, you can't tell them to be submissive to their husband (or to be the head of the household if they are men), or anything that is going to smack of religiousity. You need to be kind. In all ways, in all conversations, in all your thoughts. If your wife were to come here and read the things you have written, do you truly believe she would see compassion and love in how you speak of her? Are you speaking the truth. Oh, yes. But at what cost? I wasn't speaking of the last 4 years of your marriage when I said I didn't see compassion or Christ-like love. I was speaking of this thread. Read it as if you were your wife. As I've said before, I don't think you do have a choice. You've got to let her go. Good for you for having the fortitude to do it. But, do it properly. The silent treatment is horrid. I know, I spent years on the receiving end. It's harder for women than men. When I returned the "favor", repaying evil for evil, my H didn't even notice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> It used to bug me that my marrige coach was so nice to my H. Here he'd betrayed our marriage vows, cut me out of our sex life, chosen to become faithless in thoughts, and on and on. It was aggravating to have to look at the situation from his point of view, to try and understand his hurt. I just don't see any compassion for who your wife is - right now - in your posts. I don't know how to say it in any other way. God bless your journey. SLA SLA, No, I do not have much compassion for her right now. I readily admit that. I did during the last 4 years. I dont know. Look, if you and I were hammering a board and you accidentally hit your thumb with the hammer, I would have compassion for you. If you hit it again, I would have compassion for you. But, if you stood right there and intentionally, repeatedly hit your thumb and then wanted me to have compassion for you...I am sorry. I cant do that. Continued self-inflicted wounds by someone who knows better really doesnt need much compassion. They needs help. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM, I admire you. You are really following the MB plans. Thank you CC. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM:
"The issue for me is that I am not trying to work on the marriage now. As soon as she takes off (and I have no doubt she will soon), I will be in full out Plan B. Dark as dark can get. I would start today, but we are living in the same house and even sleeping in the same bed, so that is not possible. Yet."
Curious that she still wants 2 sleep with you, if leaving is her intent.
I think you're doing well, MM.
-ol' 2long She sleeps with me because she has no where else to sleep and I refuse to leave or sleep on the couch. But, I know she is workign daily on finding a new place. It is only a matter of time. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM:
Let me say that I am literally nauseous reading some of the same old predictable tired "doormat laden" posts trying to find the blame for the affair and realities of the consequnces with the BS. When I read someone posting of why your wife doesn't post to give her side of the story and post here..I wonder if people actually read the posts here. Hello????? Hellos???? Does anyone rationally think that MM's wife gives a rats A$$ enough to post here and get help. When I see people "upset" and infer that you have "given up" because you have not done the "2 years of PLan B" as prescribed in the "rules" I want to burst out laughing due to the cluelessness...but it is so friggin sad I can't. 2 years?????? 2 years?????? It has been 4 years AND COUNTING. "some" people really don't get it. THEY NEVER WILL.
You have done more than most any person of REASONABLE intelligence or level of self respecting love (this is key) could/would do. Rather than say what I really want to say to a few of "those" people, I will zip it here....no need to fan the flames. However, it is my opinion that 100% of your efforts should be focused on rebulding your emotional, physical and financial health and ofcourse getting custody of your children to ensure their continued guidance in this life. How are the finances and tax issues coming along? How are the children doing with school and their emotional coping? Those are the issues that this thread should be about.
I think it is ridiculous that you need to spend even one second defending your decisions or feelings here. It is disgusting that you should have to do this. I am speechles.....bt if I am honest, I am not suprised.
Best of luck my friend.
Lem
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Would you all KNOCK IT OFF...........or I am closing the thread (just kidding..I always wanted to say that)...
LM THAT dawg STOLE my LINE!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ML: How dare you call me a "dawG"....you don't want to go with me there girl. This yankee boy will have your texas "derriere" in a sling so fast you want be able to say..."y'all" or "fixin" any more... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> LM
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Hear Hear, LM.
MM, you have absolutely no need to be defending yourself.
It is as if some folks aren't familiar with your history here or your story. Amazing!
Last edited by Trix; 05/04/06 08:03 PM.
Married 1976
Me:BS
Him:FWS
MB Weekend March 2003
2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82
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ML: How dare you call me a "dawG"....you don't want to go with me there girl. This yankee boy will have your texas "derriere" in a sling so fast you want be able to say..."y'all" or "fixin" any more... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> LM OH BOY, I am so scared!! NOT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> click here, bucko! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML: How dare you call me a "dawG"....you don't want to go with me there girl. This yankee boy will have your texas "derriere" in a sling so fast you want be able to say..."y'all" or "fixin" any more... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> LM OH BOY, I am so scared!! NOT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> click here, bucko! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />Yeah well....you should be scared.....because...because...well....."just becasue"...(sticking tongue out at you) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />LM
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Hello Mortarman...I am fairly new here as you can see by my
registration date.
Most of what I have read from you has been you helping other people. It is clear that you are a Christian man and give good advice.
It wasn't til Lemonman started this thread for you, that I knew YOUR STORY. And yes, I always wish I could hear the other side of the story. (What caused the WS to stray and break marriage vows and promises.)
I decided tonight, after reading the last two posts, to go back and read what you had written on this thread but your posts are GONE. DARN!
Why did you take them off, MM?
So here is my request:
Could you give about a 4 paragraph summary of what is going on in your life (your marriage) tonight, May 4, 2006? Including what your wife's relationship with OM is now at this time in your lives. (Are they STILL having an affair?)
(I really don't want to hear all the STUFF from 4 years ago; since NOW is what really matters.)
THANKS for taking the time to do this.
You are always SO KIND in replying to everyone's messages.
By the way, several have asked if you have counseled with the Harleys, have you? (It seems kinda EXPENSIVE to me but perhaps worth it?)
Gracie
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Grace, yes he did counsel with the Harleys for quite some time. He has been there, done it all.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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i sit here scratching my head ( no I do not have dandruff)
wondering when the guide lines on how to save your marriage, became how to let your spouse wipe his/her feet on you as she/he walks out the door to their affair partner.
And why? When it comes to someone bringing their christians beliefs into saving their marriage, and going by the rules set forth in the bible... sets off so many posters, I mean some of the post that I read I cringed with disbelief, because it seems to me that if MM did not mention GOD and JESUS no one would have a problem with how he is going about this.
Sorry that is my take on this whole thread.
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