Today one of the other husbands family members called and told my husband how bad they are hurting and he just kept saying I know. I felt like this was an opportunity for him to tell someone how bad we are hurting. what should I do.

You don't do anything. This is part of the price he has to pay for the decision that he made. I think it helps to clear that fog we all keep referring to. He needs to go through this.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Letting him know, yes, he has made a big mistake but that you do still love him and will do your best to work it out. You will become his safe zone. And that is when the tide turns.

ellcee

We need help fast. How do we move? Does anyone have any advice about having to move and move quickly. I got a call from the other husband telling me my husband and his wife were together today and they weren't because he has been here all day and has taken the rest of the week off. I can't live like this. We need to move, but where do we go how do we do it. Please any advice would help.

calm down, honey.

Take a deep breath.

And another one.

Turn your phone off or unlpug it.

Call tomorrow and have your number changed.

Do you have relatives in another town where you could go for a couple of weeks to allow you to think?

What kind of work does your husband do?

What state are you in now?

Take some more deep breaths.

we live in texas and he is in the computer industry

Well, let's just slow down here a little bit. Moving tonight isn't going to solve the problem.

How close does the OW live? Does she also work?

Will your husband write her a no contact letter?

she lives ten miles away, doesn't work, he wrote a no contact letter. But, I think she is very persistent. She doesn't have anything else to loose.

Oh, they are always very persistent at first. It is tempting to blame it all on her, but your husband needs to step up to the plate and be on-board with recovering the marriage, ie: NO CONTACT.

It may be that you will have to move away, but please don't make sudden decisions right now.

By the way, do you have children? How many does the OW have, and ages?

i have two children 15 months and 2 months, and she has two as well 5 and 4.

another Texan. There are lots of us here.

email me here if you want mbmoveforward@yahoo.com

I agree with believer, you can't really move tonight.

What about relatives? Is there somewhere you can stay to get your bearings?

i have my parents in texas. Do we all leave as a family. Does he quit his job.

Dr Harley says sometimes that is what has to happen.

Maybe you can just go to your mom's for a few days and get away from the OW and her H. Maybe your mom could pamper you and help you take care of the little ones.

SNR,

I agree with moveforward. Unplug your phone for tonight and have the number changed to an unlisted one tomorrow. Change your email addresses as well. Turn off both your cell phone and your H's.

You can't pick up and move that fast. But if you take these steps, you are protecting yourself and your family.

What does your H say about all of this?

ellcee

Slooow down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

You can't just up and move. Your WS has a lot of work to do.

Could you just answer a few questions for everyone?

How long have you been Married? How old are your children? How long have you been best friends with ow? And how long has this been going on?

Have you read about plan A here? Are you familiar with MB prinicipals?

I can tell you right now that yelling, screaming, crying, and begging are not going to work to save your marriage. No more of this. These reactions will just push your WS toward the ow. No more disrespectful judgements.

Get the book His Needs/Her Needs, and Surviving the affair. Keep posting and hopefully the wise ones will chime in here. Read up on Plan A and Plan B.

So sorry that your WS and exBF(ow) saw each other and did the bad thing yesterday. I hope you told ow's H that your WS was home all day and did NOT see ow today. Seems like you might want to cut all contact with both.

Ow is NOT your BF anymore. Do NOT contact her, she is unrepentant and still persuing your WS. NOT good, but very typical of an ow. It is all about them, and with your WS this A is all about mememememe!!!

Your WS is flipping, and you need to be the calm one. No more lovebusters. If you need to vent, vent here and we can help.

Now step back, do NOT react, and decide what is healthiest for you, your family and marriage before you say one word.

(((((hugs!!!))))) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'll put our a call for the 'wise ones' to help you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

The big thing is there is going to have to be POJA with your husband about quitting his job and moving. I suggest he find another job first.

But the real problem is that he WAS with her yesterday. So apparently the affair was not over. The OW is not wanting to give up because of whatever he has been telling her.

The OW seems to think she is going to trade in her husband for yours. I wonder what kind of promises your husband made. Is he certain that he wants to work on your marriage?

Really good points, believer

Love in Christ,
Miss M

snr, you have recieved some good advice here. First off, you are going to have to calm down. Secondly, I would stay in touch with OWH to make sure that contact does not take place again.

You are probably going to have to further expose this affair. I would expose to the OW's parents and ask for their help in persuading her to leave your H alone. Have your H's parents been notified?

But she is not the big problem here. The biggest problem is your H's contact with her. He MUST agree to end contact and fulfill that agreement. Will he do that?

Do they work together?

We have been married for two and a half years. We have two kids 15 months and 2 months. I was friends with her for ten years. The A has been going on since December. She pursued him and told she has always found him attracted and wanted to start something. She was the one who started contact. I blame him but its like she calls him and he does what she says.

they do not work together. she is a stay at home mom. his dad emailed him today and told him he needs to stop seeing her. her parents know as well. her mom was cheated on by her father for their entire marrigage so she has said she hopes that he and I stay together. his sister also called me today and is very upset, and let me know that she was there for me if I needed her

Are there any guns in your house? In OW's house?

Please answer yes or no.

This situation could become volatile very easily. Safety first. One cannot marriage build when there is a real threat over your head.

What to do in a crisis? Protect yourself (& your 2 little ones) first.

If OW & her temper-prone BH really are a threat to your sanity safety or the wellbeing of your babies in any way shape or form ... being that you are trying to care for and bond with an infant ... I would get myself and my babies to somewhere serene ... and if WH cares to tag along ... good for him ... but if WH contacts OW from your place of safety ... kick his [censored] to the curb!

THAT is how Pep reacts when babies are threatened ... and believe-you-me ... this sounds like something is going to get much worse before it gets better

SO SORRY my dear

Pep