hello my advisory team. glad more of you have joined.<BR>Wasstubborn: this is my 31st day of not lying sobriety..this is hard, but i cant believe the things im feeling and finding out about myself. i called her and she huing up, so im writing a fax saying some things that are hard, but at east she know they are the truth, before she asks the questions. i have a ot of patience, and wi do what ihave to. i got a fed ex from her yesterday with our wedding video, marriage cert, and some wedding pics. i watched what i coud of the video, not enough kleenix around so had to stop , but will watch more today. my how much i love her.<BR>Lor:, she says she is seeing an EAP from work, this is good, but EAP focuses on acohol and substance abuse.yes she is angry, and im trying to understand, and im understanding more every day.i wil continue to send fowers and cardsa s i have. one positive thing is on the fedex label, she is still using my name. i caled her yesterday morning and she hung up on me , but il keep trying unti the cows come home...thanks for your thoughts<BR>Sheba:i know im here and shes 2000 miles away, i have aske dher if i can come ther and she says no. in t weeks, im just going to go there and try tomeet with her, but i wont force the issue. her b-day is the 16th of this month, i asked her if we coud have lunch oir dinner on this day and she says shes goin g out of town. i understand your response. im continuing my counseing irregardless, and my support groups and church, i send her MB articles daiy and keep teling her i ove her.<BR>BRIANA: yes, im not ying, she ony knows ies, so i know what im up against. she is craving the truth and i give it to her yet she stil cas me a liar. she went for STD testing and was positive for herpes, my testsA of them came back negative. she things i made the tests up, so i gave her the nurse and dr. to ca thanks for your thoughts<BR>Kat1: iknow i have to be patient, i will keepup being constitent i have explained thaty i "used" toie but dont anymore, anyway, i wil just keep doing what ihave been doing.<BR>sosad: i'm sorry for your situation, i ahve been reading your posts, did you get the book, reationship toolbox yet? i wi send you a copy if you wish. it is so ful of info that is and has been very helpfulto me, i wished i would of started this book 8 years ago. i understand everyday the pain thaty i have caused her, and am going thru forgiving yself and rebuiding my own inner self, so i can be of help to her more. thanks and my prayers are with you all.<BR>my thought for the day for you al:<BR>"people risk everything on the hope that they can achieve joy by changing everything in their lives except themseves: and <BR>"hello, this is God. I wil be handeling your probems today and wilnot need your hep, so sit back and have a good day"

toolbox<BR>I really am excited for you. I know this is tough but WOW you are doing some great things for you too.<BR>Does it feel good to be honest? The hard things are often the most rewarding you know. If only my H would catch on to the honesty thing!!!<BR>Something a very wise lady told me once - Think of it as a work in progress.<BR>You're doing great! Keep it up!!!!<BR>Persistance and consistancy are the keys!!!

wasstubborn<BR>thanks for the words. i have a lot more honest stuff to tellher, she wants me to fax it to her, but i wont doit. my counselor told me not to. i want to keep this between me and her and a counselor, not me, her and her attorney as my counselor said. i offered to read her the letter, but she was adament about having it in hand. i offered to fly to las vegas and go see a counselor together she said no. i may be tooptimistic her, but ihave a lot of faith in God. thanks again

toolbox<BR>It's a good idea to hold back on the faxes until you get a better idea of where she's at.<BR>You have taken some very good steps. I would hope that evetually she'll be willing to meet you partway.<BR>Keep your chin up!!!!

wasstubborn:<BR>thanks, i m really down today.i would love to go and talk for weeks with her. wathcing our qwedding videomreally got to me. i i wasnt allergic to pain, i would kill myslef, because its realy hurting more and more of what i have done. i was at teh grocery store a while ago shopping and was doing all i could do to hold in my emotions. im going to prayer meeting tonight and church tomorrow and i wil just keep busy. i hope you know how uch your advide and supprt meanns to me thanks

Hi toolbox, sorry I haven't been in thisboard much, I have been extremelly busy and get home really tired.<BR>Even if you don't get the responses you need right now, or nothing seems to be moving, you are already going trough a lot of improvment and doing right things. SO that is positive. <BR>I agree with you , your counsellor, as wassy in that you should hold on the faxes for now. Offering to read your letter to her was a nice gesture ( don't worry that she refused ).<BR>I know I always talk about the consistency thing, but it's extremelly important ( whenever my H did something that wasn't really consistent I would get anxious and nervous, and doubting we could do it, even when we were in recovery already )<BR>I'm sorry that you're feeling feeling down, but try to focus on small positive things, and on how much you were able to change. She'll get it one of these days, and then you'll be ready for the hard work of rebuilding ( hard work that brings great rewards )Keep posting, we're here.<BR>Take care <P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

KAT1<BR>thnaks fopr the advice. weekend went well, i have to get a comp., soican talk with you guys over the weekend, i miss you guys a lot. anyway, your right , im making small changes, hopefully someday she will notice and we can rebuild. she called me and left a message last night saying "she was in a car without a top on the freeway, and could i guess who she was with" then started laughing...oh well<BR>thnaks