(((SNR))) Normally, it is encouuraged for the two BS to help one another. That is not gonna work here. Why would he want his WW to talk to your WH? That makes no sense.

Please use your caller ID and don't talk them.

Get an unlisted phone number.

Change your cell phone numbers.

Change your email addresses.

take care

I'm so sorry dear haert. SOrry you are hurting. I know it had to be painful hearing him lie. I don't believe you will be able to trust him until he is able to decide to go with you and resist the urge to go with OW, go through w/d and follow doing the steps toward recovery. You were able to see with your won eyes that he can't be trusted. He is really like a substance abuser who can't resist right now.

Gosh, with my Hs first A I went through some of these things and the feeling is like coming back. Now is like the time to try to build yourself up. Detaching yourself will be so imporatnt so that the blows of his actions do not destroy you. Darn, I hate to say it this way, but he will be a hard force to reckon with b/c the claws of the A are into him deep.

My H would sneak away to talk to OW when he said he wouldn't. I would ask were yout alking to her. THe look in his face told me he was. I would tell him call her back right now and tell her you will not talk to her again. And he wouldn't. I would be enraged to the point of hurting him but I didn't. Thank God.

This is my opinion. You will have to bear down and get tough with H. You will have to see past what he tells you and past any fears that you have of him leaving. I just want to say you aren't alone. I hear your sadness and I hope for you strength and courage to say what you must and do what you must. You may need to look into all aspaecs of protecting yourself from financial to physical (sexual) at this point.

Who have you exposed to? Further exposure will be necessary.

Why would the other husband agree to let his wife talk to my husband. Why would he give her that opportunity after they did what they did? I just don't understand.

He probably knows NOTHING about marriagebuilders. It is extremely common for the BS to allow the infidels to "say goodbye", even in person. It happens all of the time.

The WS claims they need to end the affair this way, and the hurting BS goes along with it.

This is so sad, snr. Some BS's, I am sad to say, are professional wimps who will just about tolerate anything. Imagine being so p-whipped that you HELP your own wife contact her OM. At least now you know he is a spineless wimp who is not to be trusted.

OW said she needed "closure" ... and her BH thought by giving her "closure" the affair would be over ~~~ almost universally UNtrue by the way ....

many a "closure" situations end up with the infidels accidentally falling in bed together ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> "It was an accident. We did not mean for sex to happen."

*bah* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

This is true.

RM's alleged new W ac2ally allegedly said 2 RM, relayed 2 me via my FWW (perhaps losing something in the translation), that "they probably just need 2 get it out of their system", with the translation being translated as "it's okay with me if you 2 remain friends", when my W explained her desire 2 remain in contact with RM as "friends" 2 me back in January.

I don't believe a single translation of it, and neither should you.

No still means no, in my dictionary.

-ol' 2long

What should I do now. My husband is baffled that he let her call as well. Do you think it is really over. What should I be doing. Do I do plan A.

Take care of your babies.

WHAT, pray tell, does your H say about his affair and his contribution to the devestation of your sweet family?

WHAT is he saying now in regards to his past and present and future choices?

*baited breath* <~~~ I am waiting ... but take your time

He says he is willing to work on our marriage. Today he talked to his parents and his dad told him he has to stop this. He told him this is not how a real relationship starts, and he told him he needs to be a man and be there for his family. He knows he messed up he just feels sometimes that he did so much damage that it will never be better. I tell him it is not going to be better for a while, and it won't ever be better if he is not willing to work. I am trying to be a good wife, but it is getting very hard. Today I was very angry and I was thinking what am I doing. But, he seems sincere now when he says he wants to work on this. I just don't know what to do.

Is he willing to do the HEAVY LIFTING in recovery?

By that I mean

HE calls and makes the counseling appointments ... and I HIGHLY suggest you BEGIN with one of the Harleys.... if your H balks at the $$$ ... he is insincere

Pep

We are going to counseling. I have not suggested the Harley's yet. What other things should he be doing. What is the heavy lifting that he needs to be doing.

WHEN YOU SAY "WHAT DO I DO?" I AM ANSWERING..NO CONTACT!!!!

None with OW or OWH..Unbelievable what OMH did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />.I do not understand why OMH would not let you listen on speaker phone if the call was to have OW say goodbye..You should not have agreed to let H speak to OMH. No matter what stupid reason he gives you. Every time he hears her voice he get's a small fix and will want more.

Change your phone number(unlisted) and email address right now..today...Don't tell your H you are doing it..Just do it..Only give it to trusted people and tell them not to give it out.

If OW calls on new phone# you know that your H probably gave it to her and he is talking to her.

Have you called your Mom yet about coming to stay with her for alittle while?

BTW they are harrasing you now, so I hope you are considering an RO or a Stalking order. It will continue as long as you guy's answer their calls.

It is very important that you do not have contact with them. I mean it. You are fueling the drama as long as you let them in. YOUR HUSBAND SHOVED YOU AWAY BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TALK TO OW. Sounds like H and OWH both are spineless wimps and she is very manipulative. Next time he shoves you, you tell him to get out... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Please change your phone numbers to unlisted !!
Or - can you block their phone number -- asap

Like Beauty said, if they find out the new number, then you know your WS has given it to them.

So sorry you are here, but you have come to right place for support and advice.

Strap your seat belt tight ~~ I think this is going to be quite a ride for awhile....

Bless you dear, you WILL make it !!!


carnation

snr, this statement stands out to me. It is foggish. It reminds me of when a person is trying to stop a certain action but they fail and continue to give into urges.

So when looking in the face of the many mistakes they've made and wanting to avoid going further into resisting the urge, they say I've made too much of a mess. Then just revert back (in some situaitons simply continue) to not trying to resist at all or to previous behaviors.

Seems he need inspiration to keep trying and pushing forward. Seems part of that you may be able to influence by remaining firm to MB concepts, but not LBING. Telling him what you would like for him to do, Stop A and be in this M, let me be sufficient for you, you can get through this if you choose to, I'm here for you. He has to make a choice.

Your H is still very weak and knows what he should do but is still choosing OW and you and your family at same time.
This isn't a choice that your M can stand.

About the thing with her H, I've read where people have done some strange things. BS's have posted that their BS wrote NC letter saying so many wonderful things about the OP and how they hated to have to let them go rather expressing how they hated to have had the A.

Many BS aren't read up on how this sort of thing works and Dr Harley offers the most contrmporary, well expounded information about it. More than any other author I've ever read from. So people who aren't aware allow WS to do things that those who've read up know shouldn't be done to "get the A' out of their (WS and OP)system".

Her H sounds very huh, strange. In each situaion when I told the OWH about my H they wanted to talk to him to confront him about the A, to address it. Not to all let their Ws talk to him. Maybe he wasn't sure of what to do.

I can say I feel strongly from your post that the A is not over.

Also about the phone number, if you decide not to change telephone number and are concerned about them stalking you, You have already talked to OWH and told him for them not to call again, if they do, after telling them not to call again and hanging up with them dial, *57. This traces the call on your phone bill as proof that they called. Present to police. However it wouldn't loo k good if you are calling them.

good morning. Just wanted to check on you.

Today is a good day to call the phone and cell companies.

Until you get them changed, use your caller ID and do not answer any unknown or calls from them.

Since he is off this week, why not do something with your little ones and enjoy one another. It will feel like a black cloud is over you, but it helps to do something that is normal.

just wondering how you are doing

I am doing ok. Today we took the kids to the park and had a picnic. He also had a good counseling session. We are just taking one day at a time. Thank you for checking.

I'm glad you are doing ok. Hang in there, honey. I know it looks really bleak right now, but hopefully you guys are on the right track.