I am glad you are doing good, also. I'm seconding moveforward. Be encouraged and keep hanging in there.

Monday he goes back to work and I am scared. I am not so much worried about him but I am about her. Her husband emailed my husband and said he know she called him the night before, and her husband just asked mine to back off. My husband doesn't know what he was talking about, and I had been with him and he never received a call. Unless she called his work number and he hasn't been at work all week to check it. Why would he email my husband if he didn't know for sure that he tried to call. I think she is not givning up. What do we do.

((( snr )))

Please change your phone numbers. And block them from your e mail.

Not sure what to do about her contacting your WH at his work. If he gets a RO order against her, then she can't contact him at work, right ?

Please keep posting here. This is far from over, hon.

Sending very warm wishes, carnation

Girl,
you gotta get those numbers changed. And the emails.

I know you said he is in computers, but is he is own boss? Does he have a secretary or receptionist who cna help keep the cals away at work? He may need to enlist his boss's help in that as well. He might should change his email at work, too.

hang in there, but get the numbers changed. That will help so much with the stres of them calling.

Snr,

Why haven't you changed your number or email address? Do you need this drama right now? This A is eating OWH up alive and your H is his target. If you do not want this to esculate further into something worse, you better change your numbers and email. No more contact. We have told you that so many times, but I am afraid it is falling on deaf ears <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> We do not want anything bad to happen to you or your family.

I have blocked their email addresses and my husband will do the same. But she is still calling his work number. He has not been at work all week so he hasn't been able to change anything. Today we were able to listen to his messages from work, and she called four or five times. Saying she loves him, she will always love him, that if he ever wants to call her she can and her husband knows and says it is ok for him to call her. What is her husband thinking. Should I call her. My situation is a little different because she use to be my "Best Friend" Should I let her know how I feel. I don't think she will give up. She called him three times after the no contact letter, saying she hopes to hear his voice once again. She has no respect for me or my children. What should I do. In our state it says you can't get a restraining order unless there is a real treat, and I don't think she has done that yet. She is just playing mind games.

Do not call her!

If she calls do not answer. Your husband needs to block her at work, too.

You're right she has no respect for any of you. Do not lower yourself to her leverl.

Are you going to get your numbers changed?

Are you working your plan A?

hang in there but do not call.

You made a statement that you can't file an RO on OW or OWH because they haven't threatened you. This is untrue. My WH filed one on his OW and she did not physically hurt us. She was menacing and stalking and would not leave H alone. Called him at work repeatedly, emailed repeatedly. You also have the email from OWH saying "wonder" you can say that your are in fear of what OWH is going to do in retalliation. That is threatening considering your H had an A with is W. If you feel fear, then that is enough. If you don't want to go that route, then file a stalking order. Does your state have one?

Repeated attemps of unwanted contact is STALKING..

I have heard something about a *peace bond*. You may be able to get one of these. Not too sure about how they work. Maybe someone else here does.

You and your WH MUST not talk to either of them in anyway. By ignoring them and not taking their calls, numbers have been changed, will send a message to them. This is the statement you want to convey.

Can you block her number from calling his work phone ? Please handle the work number first thing on Monday.

You can do this. We will all help you.

Carnation

Dear OW,

I would just like you to know the tremendous hurt you have caused me and my family. It will take years to get over this and there may always be some of the hurt still lingering forever. You were my best friend, best friends are suppose to do anything they can for you. They don't tell their husband they have feelings for them, and they don't start a relationship with their husband ever. I know I have things in my relationship that I need to change, but I did not cause this affair. You also hurt me and used my confinding with you about personal information against me. Currently right now I do not forgive you, I don't know when I will but forgiveness will be to set me free of pain it will not be for you. He and I are trying to work on our marriage, we think it is worth fighting for. We are also individually working on ourselves. Please respect our wishes and do not contact us ever in life again. Not by phone, email, im, in person, or any other kind of contact. Not even as a friend. You can not be our friend anymore. That is not possible. We can not have three people in our marriage. A marriage consist of two people. Please just leave us alone. My family and I deserve a chance to be happy. Please respect our wishes.

This is what I would like to say to her if I ever got a chance. I just needed to get it off my chest. It kept me up all night, so I needed to say it to someone.

Although all affairs are extremely painful, I think one involving a BF is one of the worst. There is a double betrayal by someone who was supposed to care for and protect you.

At least one can understand somewhat when the OP is a stranger.

(((SNR)))
Some of the best therepy for me was writing letters to the ow. They were no where near that nice. I never mailed it to her, but man, I wrote some nasty scathing letters. I also wrote some to my FWS. I never gave those to him either. They helped me get my feelings out.

Are you a Christian? Just curious. I am, but in that time I really felt like God had betrayed me as well. I even wrote Him a letter expressing my hurt ans despair- not like he didn't already know it. It just really helped me to do those letters.

It also helped me to journal my thoughts.

I wrote pages and pages in my computer that no one else uses.

How do ya'll plan to handle the phone situatin at work?

Have you changed your home phone numbers yet?

Let us know what you are doing so we can support you and encourage you.

snr, it will be up to your husband to prevent her contact. He shouldn't listen to any of her phone calls; he should just delete them. I agree with the others about the restraining order.

I am presuming he has already sent the nc letter to her? If not, that should be your next step.

Yes he has already sent the no contact letter and she called him three times after that. Should I send her a no contact letter as well. Considering our situation is a little differnt, and she use to be my best friend. Does it help for the other woman to see the pain she has caused, since I am not just the wife I use to be her friend. Please help. My husband says he will not take any of her calls or emails. We are going to set up a plan tonight for next week.

Does it help for the other woman to see the pain she has caused, since I am not just the wife I use to be her friend.

no it does not

right now both families need 100 % NO CONTACT

and that includes you

stay safe

Pep

snr, it will be a long, long time that she will actually see the damage and pain she caused..not just to you but to her H and her kids.

Honestly, I don't think it will do any good for you to send a letter. She is not the person you thought she was.

Good idea on sitting down and making a plan together.

He is going to be foggy and in witdrawal for a bit- do not expect him to be the same old husband just yet.

Have you two done the emotional needs questions here on the site or in the book?

After we did them, I typed them out and emailed them to my FWS when we were in the beginning stages of recovery. He was committed to meeting mine as I was to meeting his. Now, we do check-ups where we talk about how well the other is meeting those needs. Keep communication lines open between the two of you.

He'll need to be an open book to you. His cell phone and the records, his daily calendar, his emails can no longer be kept from you. You'll need his passwords. This will help him with accountability as well as give you peace of mind.

It is very good he is working with you. That shows promise to me. hang in there, girl

snr, Pep and moveforward are right, it will do you no good to send her a letter. She doesn't give a whit about your "pain." Only complete and total no contact will suffice. It is also dangerous for your H to even listen to her voicemails. If she continues to call him, I would file a restraining order for harrassment.

It is too bad that her H is such a wuss that he is of no help. How disgusting.

Today is my husbands first day back to work. I am very nervous. I am currently finding out how to change my daughter's middle name so she doesn't have her name anymore. My husband is blocking their email addresses and someon at his work put a do not disturb on his phone. I am going to change our phone numbers today. Our phone company will do it for free if someone is harrassing you. I am very nervous about this week. Friday is my husbands b-day and I am afraid she may try and contact him. She said on her messages about that she misses him as a friend, so I think she thinkg they can still be friends. I think my husband is doing everything he can to start recovery. He gave me all his passwords and emails. And he said to IM him at work any time. He will call me when he leaves and he is eating at his desk. Thanks for all the support

Stay calm, and give your husband lots of admiration. It does sound like he "gets it". Many do not.

I'm sure she will contact him, and hopefully he will be strong.

You need to stay very calm and not LB.