Hey there,
you are taking the right steps. Way to Go! I am proud of you for doing these things.

Have you done the EN questions? That gives you a good start on knowing what to do on meeting his needs. as Believer says, he needs lots of admiration and encouragement right now. You need to figure out which needs she was meeting that you might not have been meeting as well. Then, you have to get really busy meeting those.

It sounds like you two are on the right track- hang in there.

SNR,

I am so proud of you. Your husband sounds like he is coming out of the fog. Keep up the good work and listen to the members on this board. We will all help you get through this.

My H also did as yours is doing and the OW did not like it. OW started harrasing us the more we ignored her and we got an RO on her. She couldn't stand that H would not respond. It also helped H come out of the fog and withdrawels faster, because she was so pyscho it back fired on her. H thinks she is crazy and saw her true colors. So, just to let you know, OW may not go away quietly. Just keep your eyes peeled. OW may try to find other ways to contact H especially if she is being ignored. Hopefully, she will giveup, but if not hopefully she will show H another side to her that will repell him. H must tell you every time OW tries to contact him and he needs to be very transparent about everthing.

Way to go....

how do I respond to my WH when he feels like he is constantly being checked up on. I told him I have to do this right now, and he said Im just getting use to it. I asked him if he is mad at me for checking everything and he said no he just wonders how long is this going to last. How do I respond?

According to Dr. Harley, trust is the last thing to be restored in recovery. You tell him "As long as it takes me to trust you."

tell him that he is rebuilding your trust in him by being open and honest. Tell him that everytime you find him trustworthy, it means so much to you.

Tell him it will get better.

He has destroyed your trust in him. It is his responsibility to build it back.

You may honestly check things for years to come. Not everything as you do now, but somethings.

We are 10 months from d-day. I don't check his email every day, but today I was in his office and he wasn't and I checked his email. I look at the cell phone bills.

If he gets defensive or starts hiding things, then yes you need to worry.

I don't think any of us can give you a timeline for not checking up on him.

Just wondering, are you close to Longview?

i live around austin

We were just looking at houses in New Braunfels yesterday, SNR. I live in SAT.

You and your husband are doing so good! I've been checking on you.....keep up the good work!

- Kimmy

Was hoping you were close to me. I was going to offer to babysit to allow you and your husband to date.


keep us posted on your progress.

Today was his first full day back at work. It was very hard for me. I don't know if I can continue to live like this. I hate that I constantly have to know where he is. I am upset because I didn't do this, but I have to do most of the work. I am at home keeping his house clean, taking care of children, doing the bills, etc, and now I have to add babysitter of an adult who promised a lifetime of honesty and fidelity. How long can a person continue to go on like this. When will he realize what he had. I am so upset that I don't know if I can continue to do this. Did anyone else feel like this at the beginning. What did you do to get through it.

Boy howdy did I feel like that. It didn't involve my best friend, though. I didn't sleep or eat for like 2 weeks. I have never been so depressed in my life as those first 2 weeks. But it got better. It got better because I decided it was going to. I decided it was going to get better because I could live in pain or misery or I could rebuild myself.

That's your first goal. Get yourself, your own head, unfuzzed. If that means you gotta go see a doc and get AD, then do it. You can't function if you're depressed. As a SAHD, I know what it's like cleaning and bill paying and all that. Hardly any distractions to keep the bad thoughts from creeping in.

I'm not gonna volunteer cause I'm a guy, but find you a girl friend that you can call and vent to during the day. I'm sure someone on here will step up to that.

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes, honey, we all felt exactly like that. I have told my husband those EXACT same things. He made the bad choice, but seems to pay few consequences. I was faithful to my vows, but I am the one that was seemingly punished.

It gets better.

Is today a week? That is so not very long. If I looked at my journal for a week after, I am sure it is full of rambline and anger.

You can do this. Just keep on keeping on.

today is 3 weeks from the first exposure a week from the second time they got caught

I didn't mean to trivialize by saying one week. 3 weeks is still not long on the journey of recovery. My mind is a tad rattled as I had surgery 3 weeks ago today and just today feel much more clear- headed.

I am a female, so if you want to email me, please feel free. I can be a sounding board. I know there are things you might want to talk about and may not feel right about posting them here.

mbmoveforward@yahoo.com

10 months out I feel so much different than I did 3 weeks out.

take care

What you are feeling is completely normal. I still feel the way you do and it has been five months. But, my husband doesn't mind being transparent to me. He wants me to trust him again.

I am a stay at home mom and I know how you feel about doing all the cleaning,bills,kids and then dealing with the A. I just take it one day at a time and tell myself. I am strong, I can do this. So can you! Then I found MB and everyone was so helpful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I can tell you are still overwhelmed. Did you call your Dr. about getting some AD's. It might help you to deal with this better. I also had no one to talk to about it and felt all alone, doing it all. Felt like I was just going through the motions like a robot. But, when I looked at my kids, I knew they made me happy and that made me feel better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It will get better just give it some more time. Keep posting to us. We will help you with whatever you need to talk about.

SNR,

I felt the same way as well. But in the middle of my misery and anger, I realized that if I left, I would just want to figure out a way to work it out. I knew I loved him and there was just too much a stake to leave. Besides, I felt that he should see the hurt and deal with the anger that was created from his bad decision.

In those early days, this website was a life saver for me. Whenever I felt that I just couldn't take it anymore, I would comb through the posts and read other people's success stories. Read the information that Dr. Harley has. Just knowing that other people had made it through gave me hope. Each one of us replying to you are the signs of hope that you CAN make it, even if you don't feel like it today.

Hang in there. I know you don't think so but both of you are doing really good.

ellcee

Just wanted you to know I am praying for you today.

I know you so want life to feel normal again. I know I would go to church or the store and people would say hello. I would act normal. Inside I felt like I was dying. I wanted to just scream "My husband had an affair. I am living thru ****** right now!" But I didn't.

I didn't want people to think bad about him or think I couldn't hold on to him.

Just wanted you to know that it does get better.

take care

i wanted to ask a question. she still has many of my things. Like my whole wardrobe that I let her borrow while I was pregnant for two years along with many other items. Should I go about getting my stuff or should I just let it go. If I do get my stuff how do I do it.

I'll confess, I am of no help. My FBF still has boxes of mine that were stored in her attic. I sent her an email asking for them back. She said no problem but never got them down for me. I think she was waiting for my H to come get them so she could see him one more time. I decided I'd rather keep my husband than get that stuff back. But it still makes me mad. One day I guess.

ellcee

Tell you what...I'll meet you in San Marcos and we'll go shopping....

Okay?

All in all, what she has is just "stuff"....better "stuff" than anything else, imo!

- Kimmy

If she wore them, then I wouldn't want them back..Yuck <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Go out and buy all new clothes, it will make you feel better and you will look great too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />