well i was doing a good plan A up till last night..i was having a few drinks and totally lost it and berated my wife for her behavior...i violated every love buster..than i contacted om and told him how i felt and how my family was being destroyed.. now im depressed and derailed and my wife is angry with me..dont know what to do next...i guess i had to much wine whatever........

mruggi,
I know you are struggling- it would be much better if you kept all of your threads as one- this is your 4th or 5th called in shock.

If you keep them together, it really enables foks to help you without having to dig for your old posts, or ask you for info you have already given.

are you in counseling?

sry im new..can u please explain to me how to do that..

You can either go find all your posts and copy the info here, or since you have several to combine, why not just type ALL of your story (Please use paragraph breaks) here and from now on, come back to this thread to update.

I'll get you started by asking some questions.

How long have you been married? How old are you and your spouse?

Do you have children? How old are they?

Is your WW's affair over?

How long did it last?

How did you find out about the A?

Have you exposed? If so, who did you expose to?

Have you read Surving an Affair?

I see you are familar with Plan A- how long have you been doing it?

Is your wife stll in contact?

Was a no contact letter written by her, an approved and mailed by you?

Is your wife still living with you?

Are you in Marriage Counseling? IC?

When you come back to this post to update, it will move this thread back to the top of the page.

If the OM is married then you need to contact his wife or girlfriend and expose this. Expose the affair to everyone close to you and your wife. Exposure is the best thing to destroy an affair. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change.

im 43 my wife is 38...the affair she is having is ongoing,they say they love each other.we have been married 20 years and have 2 children 6and8..im reading surviving an affair and have exposed it to her family not mine yet..

im in plan A 6 weeks and my wife still sees om.we still live together and are in ic..i will be moving out next month for the sake of my children..

DO NOT MOVE OUT unless you are giving up!

DO NOT.

Have you exposed to his family?

DO they work together? If so, YOU MUST expose there, as well.

mruggi...

As moveforward told you above, DO NOT MOVE OUT!!! You do not move out for the sake of the children, rather you STAY for the sake of the children!!! Do you realize that by moving out you not only enable the affair, but you allow this immorality to go on in front of your children...You're the only sane parent right now, their only advocate, you must protect them at all costs...If anyone moves out, it should be your WW...WITHOUT the children!!! mruggi, please listen to this advice, as a FWW and mother, I can most certainly attest to the insanity and poor mothering skills of a WW...

EXPOSE to all prime targets...your parents, the offices of the infidels, your WW's friends, the OM's family and friends...Are they in contact through email from a computer that you have access to? If so, do you have a keylogger installed on that computer? That is often a way to find the friends and family of the OM to expose to...Is the OM married? The more details that you give here, the better we can assist you...

Have you separated your finances??? PLEASE do so, financial ruin is often a byproduct of infidelity...

Mrs. Wondering

How will it be for the good of your children to have the ONLY SANE parent they have to move out and leave them to the mercy of your W' affair? That is ABANDONMENT, my friend. You can rest assured that she will have the OM in the house carrying on her affair openly. IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN. If anyone should move, it must be your WIFE. She should move without your children.

Mrruggi, you are going to lose your W unless you stop being such a wimp and defend your marriage from her. Your children need you to fight for them, not to lay down and CRY!

I am starting to believe this is simply hopeless because mrruggi just refuses to help himself. He has ignored all the advice we gave him on numerous threads. I don't think he intends to lift a finger to save his marriage, personally.

mruggi...

Ok, I have gone back and read your multiple threads, additionally, you have emailed Mr. W and I and those emails have been as brief as your posts here...it's hard for anyone to understand you here because of the multiple threads and the brevity of all of your posts within those threads...The advice that you have been given, btw, has all be very consistent and very correct...

This is not the first time that you have posted about moving out...you have repeatedly been told not to do so...you have also repeatedly asked if it is true that your wife could be in love with this OM...it seems to me that you are looking for someone here to tell you that yes your wife is in love with OM, and yes you should definitely move out...no one here will do that, and if they ever do tell you that then they are VERY WRONG...mruggi are you looking for validation(permission) to give up???

Do you want to save your marriage? That IS possible, but you are going to have to take the advice that you are given here and come back to report what you did and what happened in order for us to be able to guide you down that path...WILL YOU DO THAT???

If the answer is yes, do not start another thread (a "thread" refers to the chain that began with your first post today and includes all responses to that post, the word "post" refers to one link of the chain/thread or one person's response to you within that chain/thread-to respond to me or any other people that have responded to you today, or tomorrow, etc., just hit reply after you read this...don't go start a new one with a different title--do you understand that? mruggi, it's okay if you don't understand...just say that and we will all help you understand, ok?)


I know that you are hurting and unsure...everyone that comes here is...we want to help you, but you have to want to help yourself...are you ready to do that?

Something that I read in one of your posts along with your emails to us concerns me here...the alcohol abuse issue...Can you please explain? You have said that you use to "abuse alcohol", however, now you just "drink socially"...mruggi, specifically, can you please describe for me the difference between someone who "abuses alcohol" and someone who is an "alcoholic"? I fear that it may be the same as the difference between a married person who has an "inappropriate relationship" with a member of the opposite sex and and one who has an "affair"...I am interested to see what your take on this is...


Mrs. Wondering

Why put effort into moving out? Put effort into keeping your family together and removing the A from your family's life?

L.

my wife is using the alcohol against me...i am alcoholic and picked up again in social enviorments with my wife..last night when i exploded on her and other male she blamed alcohol and justified her behavior,,this is the card she is playin now...

Practicing to be a social drinker, are ya? How is that working for ya?

MRUGGI,

Blunt & to the point...put the bottle down!! It is both a bad companion and a very poor counselor. While you may be in VERY deep distress at this point, your drinking only plays into your wife's plans.

You and your kids need someone thinking straight right now. Get yourself squared away...get yourself back to AA...get educated here.

LOT's of good folks want to help you through this, but you've gotta want it too!