I have been separated from my h for 2 months. We were married almost 14 years.We have 2 kids(13 yr old dd, 12 yr old ds).After 3 tries at MC, some self help books (Tough Love,Dr.dobson)and Men who hate women,Women Who love Them,Dr. Susan Forward) and years of verbal/emotional abuse I moved out with my kids. I even moved out in June2005 in an attempt to get him to see that he he needed help(IC) and anger management. He was a perfectionist, very controlling, and had a bad temper(paranoid and accusing too).I moved back in after he agreed to get anger management. We even renewd our wedding vows in August2005. Well, long story short he never went to AM, all the verbal abuse, accusations, bad temper came back.Add to the ingredients twin 14 yr old stepsons whose mom came back into their life and then started treating me horrible w/no back-up from my h. Well, I was on an emotional high when I first moved out(2/4/2006).I was free to be myself without my h trying to bring me down or have a problem w/ everything I did. I was feeling pretty good. I had a few sad moments(crying spells) then April started. April is significant because I am staying with my best friend's mom and stepdad until the end of this month.There is an opening in a subsidized rent program that just ran out of funding so no more opening unless funds come from somewhere else. I dont have a very big income so I will need subsidized and/or child support to pay for my own place. Anyway, I am going thru some new emotions and a lot more crying spells. I am a christian and have prayed about and thru it all. I have never felt closer to God. i dont regret moving out, I am going to file for D after I get my own place. We share equal time w/ the kids. I miss my kids and am very sad w/out them if I dont stay busy. I am grieving being married and I think it is so sad that we couldnt make it work because he wont look at himself and get help(IC). He is very manipulating and angry.He plays games w/me regarding the kids. He tries to make me look bad to my kids(ex:Mom has more money than me because she left me w/ all the bills). My daughter is talking to me just like my H does. She is defensive of him. I dont what to do. I left my H for the same thing my dd is now doing to me. I am happy and sad at the same time. I cried myself to sleep last night. I know w/out a doubt that I tried everything. I used to want my H to get help so we could get back together but I dont even think that will work out. He just has too many issues to work on and he wont even take accountability for his actions. He is STILL blaming me for moving out(He told me to move out over and over) My biggest concern right now is my VA dd.

{{{arielle}}}} My STBXWH was also a verbal abuser. I'd recommend learning all you can and doing what you can to help yourself. Here's a good book on the subject which offers some real hope:You Don't Have to Take it Anymore :...ionship into a Compassionate, Loving One

Do you go through the sadness but happy to be out at the same time? I am reading a good book called "The verbally abusive relationship" right now. It has defined a lot of my stbxh's behaviors and confirmed that no matter what I said or tried, I would never be right or good enough. Communication is/was IMPOSSIBLE. Thank you for the book suggestion. I will try that one next! Sorry I took so long to reply. My kids just got back from Easter dinner w/their dad. I am sorry that you have been through the same thing. I wouldnt wish it on anybody.

YES! It's been much longer for me, though. It was very hard at first. My WH was having an affair, and in typical abusive fashion, accusing me of what he was doing. It was hard to accept that I'd put up with all the abuse and tried so hard to get through to him only to have him leave me for someone else.


Excellent book! It really helped me to understand that I wasn't saying it "wrong" or doing it "wrong", that there was nothing I could do because he wasn't trying to communicate, he was trying to control.



Nothing to be sorry about. I only saw your post a little while ago. Unfortunately, it seems all too common, yet we who are living it feel so very alone.

My WH is also an alcoholic/addict and got pretty threatening and aggressive (mostly toward property, but still scary). I've had a restraining order and no contact for almost 4 years, yet I have to go to court for a divorce trial in a couple of weeks because WH and his lawyer haven't responded to any written offers. He's really destroyed his life, which makes me sad, but I'm getting on with mine and doing much better.

You sound much more decisive than I was. I hope you continue to take care of yourself. How old are your kids? Have you gotten IC for yourself to help you through this? What about counselling for your kids? Sounds like DD is having a difficult time with separation...