Hello. I know this probably will be disreguarded but its worth a try. Im a 20 year old in Florida. I will be turning 21 in 10 days from now. I have been married since high school with my wife of the same age. She will be turning 21 in June. We have been together for nearly five years, married for four. I know were "youngsters" but we were in love from first sight. We live around west palm and have moved from here to orlando, back, to fort myers, back and were here to stay (?) My problem is that we have owned our own business since 03', the year we graduated. Within the last 4 months, we obtained a small space to actually open a shop, instead of selling things online on ebay. Everything was going fine I thought; I worked for my wife's father doing construction, with good pay. We live with my grandparents partly because they need someone to just stay with them at their old age, mostly because they were the ones who raised me since birth and I feel like are my parents. Within a month more and more kids starting hanging around at our shop to just chill and relax. It wasnt a big deal until within the last month. A county fair ended up starting the fallout of our relationship. My wife hired two high school seniors to help out and be other sets of eyes while working at our booth. Everything went well until my wife had an idea to thank them. She wanted to take them out to a movie, which was normally fine, but the problem was that I couldnt go because I had to work. My wife with two other guys I dont know very good didnt settle to well with me. Things just started getting worse since then. These guys would stay till 8 or 9 o'clock with thier friends at the store when we normally close at 6. She hired them because they knew a lot about what we were selling and it could help us out. It went to ****** when my wife started spending the weekends up there all together. Now, I normally work from 7:30 till about 5 or 6, even later sometimes, but normally just weekdays. The shop would stay open till 8 on friday and 8 on saturday too and close on sunday. My wife started staying friday, and saturday night there with the guys and their friends, both girls and guys. She would also stay all day sunday, which would be our only day together because I dont see her much during the week because of our work. It went on for three weeks and I got tired of it and told her it was either the shop or me. She decided the shop and I appoligized to her and she came home. The forth week was when things broke apart; she was going to stay with the 2 guys on friday night, so i came home, went back and gave her clothes to stay in and blankets and pillows. We ended up making love in our car twice before she went back inside and i thought everything was going to be ok. The next day i went to get her to come home and get a bath and stuff and she brought 2 girlfriends with her. She always likes me to sit and talk to her while in the bath so I did. We ended up having sex again before she even got in the bath. She left and I didnt see her again until sunday. She had decided to get her nipples pierced "for me" and i was so angry with her not being with me even when she got them done, she came home, i didnt see them, and i went out for a walk. Later that night while in bed, i told her maybe we should seperate for a while and monday, she packed and left for the shop. She told her parents we were having problems and I couldnt work and she ended up staying at the shop. Not more than a few hours later i called her telling her to forgive me because i made a huge mistake. She didnt want to take me back...after going through the week until friday, everything was hopeless. On friday i finally got it out of her that she was starting to fall for her old friend, this guy who hung out at the shop. It wasnt till later in that day did i find out that they had sex...friday, saturday, sunday, and monday, only till she started her period on tuesday. I had sex with her friday night in the car twice...and after she ended up being with him...for her first time. It was like a movie, holding each other, then slow touching, then the kisses and then everything else she said to me. I ended up having sex with her the day after on the tub...if only i would have knew...i finally got it out of her why she left, and she told me that it was exact...but it was too late...she said that this guy broke up with his girlfriend...and now that they think their in love...i dont know what to do next...im so lost..they are spending all their time together and i cant stand the fact that are still married while all this is going on. I still have my ring on, although this guy took hers off... I havent eaten in a week and a day and ive been taking pm medicine to sleep because i dont want to cry myself there anymore. I just dont know what to do...to wait to see if she realizes what she lost...or to just let her go..because she seems happier...all i know is that im going nuts without her...five years is a long time with someone, to just all of a sudden be by yourself in everything...please someone help me...

exvladovir,

HI.... I'm sorry for your pain.... I figured I'd answer because of my name... seemed right... you came to the right place.. your Marriage is VERY inportant....just because your young doesn't mean it's not... it may be MORE important since you guys have a beautiful story...you're HS sweethearts!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Don't worry.... this CAN be fixed.... it really can.. it will take some work on your part....MOST of us have been right where you are....you do the work... and you can have a better Marriage than you ever dreamed.... EVER!!

First off....you should post in the General Questions II forum... or the "Just found out" there are more people in GQ II so go there too....

This is an affair your W is having..... there are reasons it happens.... mostly it is the Other spouse (you) wasn't meeting some important emotional needs. The OM (other man) is meeting these needs....

Your job is to find out what needs HE fills that you DON'T... sounds to me that it's not sexual needs he's filling.... find out. what it is.... it may be that he fills the need for recreational time together.....

Either way this is REALLY hard...but REALLY simple.... you fill the needs HE fills.....that along with the needs only YOU can fill and he can't.... and this affair ends...

BTW.... 97% of ALL affairs end.....and only 50% of marriages.... so you have the odds on your side.....

Your Wife still loves you....she does.... her love is still very close to the surface or she would be angry and nasty towards you to justify her affair...

Read about Plan "A" it is designed to recover a Marriage from an affair..... Good luck and you guys are in our prayers.... FRANK

P.S. Tell us more about your marriage... is there anything you can think of that you may have done to make her feel unloved? And brakeup your paragraphs..... it will make it easier to read and people will more than likely read and respond.....

Well. I didnt want to waste anyone's time by putting every little thing in because it would be long, and i figured no one would really want to read something thats just so long. The other things are like this...apparently, not to my knowledge, she has "loved" this guy since she was in 8th grade..he was in 6th...they were really good friends and then he ended up drifting apart when she went into high school. She met him a year earlier from her friend that was looking after him because he didnt have a place to stay...When in high school she was the girlfriend of another guy till just about when we met in 11th grade...She used to tell me that she always noticed me and that she wanted to ask ME out..but she didnt until we got to know each other. we started dating the second week of december and it started with a little romantic story that some people have. Ending the night after hanging out as friends with her longing for a kiss from me and i didnt feel it was right...so she kissed me on the head and the night was over.

Two weeks later on christmas eve we ended up making love for the first time...i was a virgin, she was not...but it felt right none the less...she ended up getting kicked out of her house when her mom found us having sex in their house (not one of our best moments) and i immidately took her in. We didnt sleep in the same bed for about a week and my grandparents didnt really mind her at all. I left for a week to go see my mom during the summer and she went nuts like i am now...but when i came back we sat down and mutually agreed that we wanted to get married. The marriage was really really done wrong. Her parents paid for one of the crappiest weddings ive ever seen. My wife is half costa rican and half american. I am almost all puerto rican and a little american. Everything was in spanish, which i cant speak or understand, the wedding was so small that she has to walk ACROSS the isle instead of down and the reception was a joke seeming like just an excuse for her relatives to get drunk. After, our senior year was good and we planned to make everything work.
We moved to Orlando so i could go to school, but i didnt end up getting in due to a small technicality...stupid really..so we stayed for a little while and then moved back.

About a year later, i got a job on the west coast in fort myers so commuting was hard at over an hour and a half each way. We ended up moving there and going to college for one semeister each, but then dropping out to try to pay for bills. After failing there as well we came back and a year later, opened up our shop in the small town...and the rest you know...

The thing that I ended up finding out was that she said she didnt love me since orlando...meaning..the last 3 years were just a...joke...I realized what had ended up doing that and it was my selfishness...I always had to be on top and i made her get the two jobs while i had none in orlando, until we were about to move. In fort myers, she had to get two jobs because my one job wasnt paying enough,although i loved it so much. I didnt realize that she sacraficed everything to make me happy and I did nothing in return...
Thats the reason she left and now she says this guy spends time with her...he rubs her back and plays with her hair...which she loves...but when i actually went back to work with her father today, trying to not think about her so much, i came to a revolation...

All of the things she has told me about this guy doing, we used to do...go to the movies every weekened...hang out with friends all hours of the night, have lightsabre fights till we were black and blue, and just hang..for hours..even if we didnt talk...is this guy just an upgraded version of me...i didnt know these things mattered to much or i would still do them today. She called today, thinking i was home, asking for a recipe that she has and i told her i was working... She was surprised and i told her i would call her back.
Last night one of my good friends dragged me out to watch a movie, to get my mind off of her. She asked how it was and i told her it was so sad...all i could think about was her, holding her hand while watching movies, getting close and i couldnt stand it. She just direguarded it and i asked if she ever things of her husband...she said what husband..and i said me..she replied not for long, which made me cry. She told me to stop because i was working, although her father understood what was going on. We were always one about the phases of the moon and children, and we only used protection during sex for the first two times, we agreed that if it happened, it happened.

Last night there was a full moon, and i was worried coming back from the movies, just staring it as my friend was driving. I knew if they had sex, she would get pregnant...which is a fear for me, because five years of unprotected sex with no child, and about a week of unprotected from this other guy and then..she would get pregnant. I actually asked her, but she said no...they just held each other and kissed. He had to leave today to back to training (army reserve) but he will be back this weekend...and she said they will do it then...

The thing that really kills me is the fact that she doesnt even act like its a big deal. No crying, no emotion, just like it never happened. While im crying and emotional she just tells me to stop and quit being a baby...im just so lost...i told her i was willing to do anything to have her back but she said no...she didnt want me back..if ever...I just dont know what to do...

Hello,
I know it's been a while since your post but I am new and just read it. I don't know how things are now with your marriage. But my advice would be to end it. I know this is easier said than done. You've been with someone for 5 years and it was during your "growing up" stage in life, which makes it more difficult. However, you must realize in the midst of all the sadness and feelings of despair - there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are so young and obviously have great values and qualities. Time as a single will be great for your personal growth and strength and confidence... and before you know it you will find true love. Be patient. Enjoy your time... you have plenty of it. It's better to end things now - and have known about her infidelity early in your marriage, than to have found out 10 years from now after kids and the whole nine yards. You're lucky you found out now. Not sure if this will help. But hope you're okay. Take care.