An update. New job, around the same sex all day long, good thing.....It does ease up and it does get better. I regret the EA, thought I'd never find my way out of the fog, I did. Thought the pain I was feeling would never ease, it did. Thought OM would never leave me alone, he did. Thought, wow, that was really a stupid adventure, it was!!!
H is making major effort with the boys, me. We seem a lot happier now. I hope it continues. We both admitted we were headed for a D and don't want it to happen. I thought I didn't like him very much at one point, I like him a lot. H told me all he wants is to see me happy....I'm beginning to feel happy again and in this cloud of hapiness I'm thinking, what the heck was I thinking? It wasn't worth throwing 15 yrs away. OM wasn't worth it!
Those of you in one of those coworker A's situation, get out. Quit! Not making as much $$$$$ but I found my sanity and happiness, I'm keeping it. You have to leave the job if that's where the affair has taken place. You leave or the OP leaves but one of you have to leave or it really is true, it WONT GET BETTER< IT WILL NEVER end. I hated hearing those words and now I am very greatful for them.

Thank you MB again, a million times over!!!!! A marriage saved, but I still HATE HIS SNORING!!!!!

I am glad you are happy. What a difference in a few short months. Wow. Good for you!

BTW, have you ever looked in to the LAUP procedure? If that is your only problem with hubby, seems like a much cheaper alternative than divorce. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I haven't done it yet but am planning to.

Outstanding, smfry! You've done all the work, Lady, and you've done a fine job of it too. Stick around and share your experiences with those who need help and come to MB for guidance, okay? Paying it forward is the only way to go.

Oh, and maybe you could buy a package of "Breathe Right" nasal strips for your husband? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good to hear from you Smfry,

Your post reflects your own self-amazement...but I do have a concern...getting to the why of your EA is really important for your recovery and your marriage's recovery. I don't want to take away anything from your affirming and marvelous post...

Here for your long term recovery and thriving marriage...

LA

Hey Girl,
I am proud of you- however, you can't stop now.

This is a marriage building site. You have to keep working on that very specail relationship.

Its kind of like a flower garden, if you neglect it, the weeds come in, the flowers start to die.

See if he'll work through His Needs Her Needs with you.

Keep getting stronger.

The why of the EA....I really don't know, been trying to figure the why out for the past month. I honestly meant it when I said I don't know how all of this transpired, I know, I know. The OM was a friend of the brotherly sort and then one day it changed drastically. I guess I became so self absorbed in myself, work, I pulled away from the one person I shouldn't have. My job was a huge stress factor in my life, when I was away from it I was a different person. Because of the person I was becoming our M suffered greatly. I pulled away from my H, I became really sick, (not an excuse), blamed him for that too I guess, ok, maybe not. He was beginning to see the example he set when he became distant and so sucked up into his work world he forgot his family had feelings when he lashed out at us. Only when I became this way did he realize what he was doing to me and our M. Then along comes the brotherly friend who from what I have come to realize was hitting on me and hitting on me until one day I woke up and realized it then played on it. The drug of the EA pacified my problems at home, it was my escape into fantasy land where everything felt great. Then I began to feel very miserable, remember, I didn't realize what I was doing for I never heard of an EA, when I began learning about EA's I became very disgusted with myself. I was one of those who WOULD NEVER EVER CHEAT! Then I woke up and found out I was human and what I was doing was cheating.
I was highly attracted to the OM, now I'm asking what did I really see in him? I won't lie and say I don't have those feelings every now and then. I do. Everyday is like a day an alcoholic doesn't take a drink for me. There are days I know I never ever want to see the OM again, then there are days I have this hurt. (I know I shouldn't have any hurt or have the right to miss the OM) I guess I miss my fantasy world and not so much the other person. Each day since I left my office job I forget a little more about the OM, every now and then though, like today, I feel these feelings. I know they aren't real and they will pass. H has been working very hard at improving things at home and I have too. It's only been 2 weeks and I guess I have one week to go with the Witdrawls, so I guess this is normal.
I don't even know if I answered your question Loving.....might be more babble than anything. But happening upon this place was the thing that saved my life and my sanity. I am so greatful for one thing and that is I didn't allow this EA turn into a full blown roll in the hay. I think I would have been seriously considering suicide after it was all said and done....I wouldn't have been able to live with myself at all. I just hate the way this emotional thing takes over...but I am healing and so is my M. One awesome moment although not a very kind thought, H realized that we were headed for the big D and the best gift he could have given me is to allow me to leave my job. The person I am now is not the person I was several months ago. I found myself again and I am so greatful!