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I sent the following email to Dr. Harley last week. Joyce emailed me and said it would be read on air around 10:10-10:15 CST. If you want to hear Dr. Harley's answer click on the Radio link at the top right of the webpage.
Hi Dr. Harley,
Do you think there is a difference between a serial cheater and a one time cheater as far as the motivation and the manner which both are treated?
I tend to believe that serial cheaters cheat because of a character defect and one time cheaters cheat perhaps because of a marital problem, but is an aberration of character. Would you agree or disagree with that assessment?
Can Marriage Builders principles be effective in resolving serial cheating? If not, what would be effective?
Thanks,
Melody
Last edited by MelodyLane; 04/18/06 10:49 AM.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Can Marriage Builders principles be effective in resolving serial cheating? If not, what would be effective? I'm so happy to read this, "as a victim" of a serial cheater who left multiple wives through affairs. Not that I want that one back, but because I know the devastation these types of cheaters leave in their wake.
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It would have been nice 2 hear what he thought about the similarities/differences between serial cheating and LTAs, 2.
-ol' 2long
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Missed it .... so what did they say??????
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Did I miss it? Today was the first day to listen on the new computer and had to go thru all the set ups on the audio program.
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I didn't sign on until 10:06; I hope I didn't miss it! Still listening...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It is in the next segment!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I just spoke to Joyce and she is going to read the email on air. I am on hold.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Cool, I didn't get on till 11:15 eastern & thought I might have missed it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Mel is on now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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I just saw this. Is she done? What did he say?
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Sounded like a yankee accent Melody...r u sure you are from Texas...I definitely heard a hint of Midwest in that twang
snicker
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Hey is that another Free book for Ya? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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Good topic today. Mel great question.
Thanks for the heads up.
WOL
BS (Me) 43
WW or FWW 40
2 DS's 16 and 13
Married 21 Years
D-day 9/10/2005
Exposure 9/11/2005
False NC 9/11/2005
Discovery of Contact 12/23/2005
NC (Letter written Jan 2006)
Divorce Petition Filed Jan 2006
In a holding pattern.
Me Still Handing in there
Phil 4:13
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Gosh they cut her off like they try to do in the forum. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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well...I am still of sort confused. He said they WERE different, but that in order to change a serial cheater, a more GLOBAL approach must be taken. For example, his environment must be changed to disallow him the opportunity to cheat.
He said that often anti-social personalities are serial cheaters but they usually don't marry.
He believes that MB principles can be effective but only if the person is willing.
Anyone who listened, please feel free to add!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sounded like a yankee accent Melody...r u sure you are from Texas...I definitely heard a hint of Midwest in that twang
snicker SHADDUP, you yankee DAWG! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Just to put it out there but it sounded like he was saying that a serial cheater is not necessarily character flawed but the recovered couple must take a more global approach to affair proofing their marriage, as recovered. They should commit to working together was one example of how to overcome the weakness of the serial cheater.
Mr. W
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I think I'll call so I can get that book. Anyone have a question?
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