I really don't know where I stand now. I guess I am letting myself drown in the anger phase?

I find it really hard to find a reason WHY should I even try to recover my marriage?

I imagine each and any situation might have their own reasons.
Could anyone share please?


For the kids? That's maybe the only reason I have... but I have been so angry that I even question if recovery is the best for them.

PS: I have read MB site, and Dr. Harleys mention that most couples try recovery after infidelity but he really doesn't mention the reasons, or maybe I miss it?

Love, children,family, memories, history, R, M, responsiblities, financial, legal, emotional and moral ties......all bind. The greatest is this: 'what God has yoked together, let no man (or woman) put asunder.'.... or as the Living Bible put it: '...and no man may divorce what God has joined together.' That's plenty enough reasons for me.

Though it has to be what we can live with. Adultery does allow the faithful mate to end the M from a scriptural POV. Legally there are many ways to end the M.

If there is t/b forgiveness, the roles change.....it is the WS who must win back the BS and family. Make sure you do what you need to assure you are NOT taken down that path again. That's why identifying your personal boundaries is sooo important both now and then.

JMHO,
L.

I have gone through phases where I asked myself the same question - "why am I allowing myself to suffer this?". Orchid gave all the right reasons. Each time I have gone through this phase, one of those reasons (might have been a different one each time) always brought me back.

The anger goes away and comes back. Eventually it dies ever so slowly. Eventually you learn to not make decisions based on your feelings because the feelings are so transient. You should only make your decisions based on what is real. That decision may be to separate - if it is, you will know it was well thought through and you are doing it because it is the only option. You should exhaust every alternative before doing it. I think you will always regret it if you don't.

In my case, I want to be able to look my daughters in the eye at some time in the future and tell them I did everything I knew how to do and it was not enough to keep Mom from leaving. Of course, if Mom does not leave, that conversation will never take place. Some days that is all I have - but it is enough - so far. I don't want to "ruin" my DDs's lives for my own selfish interests. As their father, I have an obligation to them.

Yesterday, for example, I was so mad that all I could think about was the bliss of seeing WW pack her bags (That was a feeling BTW). I woke up this morning and felt differently. I saw DD1 sleeping soundly in her bed as I went up the stairs. Did I mention I am a wreck today? yesterday was a bad day.

Lost_Willow - you have every right NOT to try and recover. Your spouse has had 5 A's that you know of in the past 2 years. He has put your health at risk and obviously is not trying to rebuild the love and trust recovery takes. You should not feel bad if you decide to call it a day.

If you want to stay married to him, Orchid gave you all the right reasons. TT