I have been married 15 year and have 3 kids. I really want a divorce, but I'm petrified that I'll regret it later and I am sad that it will hurt my children. I have been unhappy in this marriage since it started. My husband and I have a lot in common, but our personalities and backgrounds are so different, it has created so many walls around me. I am a smart, educated, hard working introverted, quiet, kind, loving, considerate woman who would rather bite her tongue than say something that might hurt another. My husband is an intelligent, opinionated, argumentative, confrontational, extrovert who says anything, as long as "it's the truth". For years, he has been very critical of me. I'm not organized enough, I'm not sexual enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not affectionate enough, I'm not dependable enough. As a result, I have shut down any feelings I have or had for this man. I feel like I never loved him, and was never attracted to him, and that our marriage was a disaster before it even started. I had never really been in a relationship, and he really wanted me and was very persistent. He is a fun guy to be around, a great person to be friends with. But he treats his friends much better than his wife. Most of them always joke saying they can't believe I put up with him. But maybe they're not joking. I come from a big family and he a small one. My family likes to get together often, and for years now, he has resisted all of it. He behaves badly when they are around, or refuses to be a part of it. Or he complains for weeks before and after the visits.

We went through marriage counseling 3+ years ago and then we separated for 3 months (he moved out). I missed the help with the kids, but not him. He really wanted to move back in and I agreed, not wanting the conflict, being an optomist as usual, hoping that things might work out. Things were good for a few months, but then the impatience and criticism started again. Now I am to the point that I am just done, and I've told him such. He seems to get it now and wants to really try to save our marriage. He is doing "everything right", but still, I have no feelings. Is it even possible to get any back, not knowing if there were really any there in the first place? I would rather be alone that with him. But I am so afraid that I will get out there and learn that I made a terrible decision. I'm really scared. I could really use any and all advice out there. HELP!!!

I do believe there's a way to recover a marriage, and I believe all the tools are on the MB website. Please read the Concepts, and I think you can identify where the M went offtrack.
You can work with your H to follow the MB steps to recover your M, and to have a better M than you ever thought possible.
Your post is not extremely negative about your spouse, as many are on here, so if you can both learn to meet each others emotional needs, while avoiding disrespectful judgements, I think you could make it work.
Divorce is hard on everyone, if there's any chance for your M, I say do all you can to recover it. If it doesn't work, at least you'll know you tried. You owe that to yourself and your children.
Divorce is not the easy way out by any means.

I definately agree with Newly. If he is really geniuen(can't spell) about his changes give him time to gain that trust back. I know from being on the other end of making the mistakes I made that have a second chance has got to be one of the best gifts I have ever been given. I had time to realize what I needed to change and I work on them everyday. My marriage is the most important thing to me and I realize now where I fell very short in making her happy. I do believe that if you put out there the most important EN that you must have met and he meets them that naturally the loving feeling will come back. I have noticed just in a couple days that meeting those needs I fell short of in the past has made a huge difference.

I always wondered and blamed my wife for the way she acted without ever taking into consideration how I acted toward her. I realize now that the way I acted toward her directly affected the way she acted toward me. Now with meeting these needs and showing I have really changed and I am 100% dedicated to making a healthy relationship that has made her act differently toward me. I never saw that I was the one that made her act toward me like that. You really wear someone down when you don't meet those needs without even realizing it and then you think that it is just all the other person when really it was me that wore her down to act toward me how I was to her.

Sorry for the rambling I still have a long hard road in front of me as well but with both people dedicated to starting over and building a strong foundation to start the relationship over it can work. Have you tried to get him on this site print out the questionaire and have both of you fill it out. Let him see how important some needs are that you just cannot live without. I don't know if this really helps and I know its very hard but I don't want to be in the divorce statistic and I want my family and wife. Do anything you can and set your limit if he can't meet it than you have your answer.

You know, I try not to be negative, cause it just makes me depressed. I always try to be the optomist, but I think that's why it's gone on for 15 years instead of ending way earlier.

You know, I turned him on to this website, and it seems to have really hit home for him. I read a lot of stuff years ago on this site. I think he is genuine, but we have been through this cycle many times, and it always comes full circle. I don't have much faith in it. When I think about trying to make this thing work, I just want to crawl in bed and go to sleep. But when I think about being on my own, with my kids, out from under the "thumb", I feel invigorated. Am I just restless, or really done with it?

The next MB weekend seminar is:
April 28th & 29th
Sheraton Safari Hotel
Orlando, Florida

Can you afford a weekend to try to save your marriage before you give up on it? Whatever the cost, it could be the best money you've ever spent.

BTW I tried to get my H to go to one of these but he was already out the door.

Wow -- this is me, but you! I have also posted looking for advice but can I ask you -- will your husband let you have your kids? I also daydream about life with just me and my kids (him with partial custody or whatever, I want him in their life) but he will fight me tooth and nail for full custoday (read it will be nasty) and I just know we will end up breaking the hearts of the kids. I am ready to end the marriage, but can't figure out the logistics of doing so.