I have been married for four years and have two children, 3 and 2. My husband has a job that sends him away from home on a regular basis, sometimes a day, sometimes a couple weeks. Two days ago my husband let me know that when he was at a conference last Sept that he went out drinking with the guys, got drunk, and had a one night stand with a girl whose name he doesn't even know.
I'm fortunate that it wasn't some planned affair and that he wasn't looking to cheat and he regrets that it happened. But I can't help feeling helpless! He has to go on these trips (Can't quit, he's military) and I feel like I can't trust him.
I live in a small town with few friends and no nearby family. I feel so alone. I am committed to this marriage but I just don't know what to do now.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. I'm sorry you are here, but your situation sounds very hopeful. It is not often that men confess, usually they have to be caught. So that makes me think that he does regret it.

I know it is still a huge shock, and very hurtful though. I hope you will read here about the emotional needs and make sure that the two of you are meeting them for each other.

I think your husband also needs to have some boundaries when he is away from home. He needs to not drink for one thing. He also needs to put some boundaries in place to make you feel safe. What would he say about that?

Thank you for the advice, I'm new to the site and I've been reading several articles, I'll make sure to check out emotional needs.
He did tell me that he couldn't ask for a better wife and theirs nothing wrong with me, etc. etc. I'm a housewife who takes care of the house inside and out, always has clean clothes in his drawers, runs the financial side of the marriage, takes care of the kids, and usually has a hot meal on the table when he walks in the door. All he has to do is his job, then he can come home and relax...am I making it too easy for him. Have I just become boring?
Sorry if I'm rambling.

Well, you're going to have to discuss that with him. Also be sure to schedule some date nights, away from the kids.

Are you eating and sleeping okay?

Sorry to hear about what your going through.
I agree with believer. It sounds as though he is truly sorry for what he has done and I'm sure the guilt in him is eating him away. However, there is no excuse for what he has done to you and your marriage. There has to be boundaries when he is away from home and if he respects you and your marriage I would think he would be more than willing to do what ever it takes to make your marriage work. He has a lot of work to do to regain your trust. Actions speak louder than words.
Good luck in the future.
Mrs-K

kara,

First, I suggested that both of you get tested for STD's. If he engaged in unprotected sex while drunk, he could have been infected. Clearly he should avoid drinking while TDY and stay away from bars altogether.

I agree with the others regarding setting up boundaries. Your H needs to figure out why he cheated to start with or he will end up repeating his mistake.

You are in a very supportive place for you right now so don't forget you have plenty of friends here on MB.

Who

Believer, I am making myself eat even though I don't care much, however I am sleeping OK.
Who, thank you for the important reminder about STDs. I have made an appointment with my Dr.

We talked last night, mainly about boundaries. The guys in this group bar hop, period. He used to have trouble with alcohol but had gotten over it before we even met. Now he's around it so much that occasionally he joins in and his old problem still exists-once he starts he doesn't know when to stop. When he first joined the unit he felt being with the guys was important for gaining the unity needed as a functioning group. Already he only goes out with them when they are away from home, never at home. Last night he committed to not drinking at all, and to going back to the room right after dinner most nights. I'm hoping he can stick to it.
We are also in the beginnings of figuring out what went wrong in the first place. Next weekend we're taking a trip back home and my mom is going to keep the kids so we can have time together.

Last night, H let me know that he's going to be gone all next week. He's going to be staying at the exact place where all this mess happened last year. I knew I'd have to deal with this, I just didn't expect it so soon!
Its funny, I've never before given a thought to his being gone. Now, I feel like I can't trust him and don't know how I'm going to deal with this.

Your H really looks sincere.

It's very hard to regain trust when it's broken. Only time can give it back.
But, the good point here is that HE told you what happened. I don't think he wants it to happen ever again.

He has to stick to his promises. He can't drink or go out. He needs to reassure you. Can he call you often while away?