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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7 |
I'm in hypervigilance (or hyperawareness) mode & I'm snooping hard. As I discover new physical evidence of the affair should I keep it to myself to be used later, or should I let everything I find out be brought to WHs attention as soon as I find it?
Me - Betrayed wife
Married almost 27 years
1 son - 25 yrs
1 daughter - 21 yrs
DD - 3/16/06
I want my marriage to be better tomorrow than today.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
I think it is best to keep your mouth shut and let him hang himself. If you confront him, he will just get sneakier.
Stay in Plan A, and collect evidence over a couple of weeks. Then, when he says something is a big mistake, you can show him the pattern of evidence his actions.
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Well, what have you alluded to so far?
Have you accused him?
Have you showed any of your cards?
In contrast to believer, I suggest you ask him a blunt question that is backed up by your evidence, while not revealing your evidence. See how he reacts. When he dodges the question or denies, just say "OK."
This establishes the fact that he will continue to lie.
Without waiting too much longer, ask another question that you know the answer to. When he denies again, lay out your evidence without revealing your source or any more evidence than necessary to establish the truth.
Stand by for vile spew and just listen. He WILL reveal more just by denying.
Report back here.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Agree with WAT. When you have collected REAL EVIDENCE of an affair, act on it. But do so without telling him HOW you know so you don't lose your source.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164 |
What WAT and ML said. I like the idea of asking questions you already know the answers to.
I think every day you wait now is another day he gets deeper in the fog. Realistically, it's also another day he could get the OW pregnant...which would give the OW a legal claim on your H, and then you'd never be rid of her.
One question though...is your evidence solid enough to expose with?
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7 |
Thank you for the advice and insight. I have a printed version of an e-card which I told WH that I only saw the e-mail confirmation that it was sent to OW. He doesn't know that I have the printed version. I have two months of itemized cell phone calls too showing their daily long conversations and quick note codes saying "follow-me." I've told him that I saw a bill, but didn't mention the details.
Me - Betrayed wife
Married almost 27 years
1 son - 25 yrs
1 daughter - 21 yrs
DD - 3/16/06
I want my marriage to be better tomorrow than today.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
good2know, the very best weapon you have against this affair is exposure. Has this affair been exposed to the OW's husband and family? Exposure would kill this affair immediately, or at the very least, hasten its death.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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