Six weeks ago, my husband of 13 years confessed to me that he had had a long term EA and a 3 month long PA with a female coworker. When he confessed, the A had been over for about 2 months. He told me he was confessing because he did not want to have that lie between us for the rest of our lives. He says he loves only me and that everything is clear to him now. (Whatever the ****** that means.) We have been together 20 years and have two small children. I love my husband very much and I was completely blindsided by this. Never in a million years would I have believed he was capable of hurting me this way. I have made a promise to him that I will give him a chance and try to make our marriage work. We have been seeing a counselor ever since d-day. Here's my problem. I do not feel any less hurt and angry than I did on the day he told me. If possible, I think my hurt/anger has increased. He is doing everything he is "supposed" to do, as far as total disclosure about his whereabouts, stopping any and all contact with the OW, rigorous honesty, etc. None of this is making my hurt go away. I admit that I am an extremely sensitive person and it does not take much from someone I care about to hurt my feelings. Maybe this is why I'm having such a bad time. I am still crying at least once a day, everyday. I blow up at my H in a rage almost as often. I can feel myself loving him a little less everyday and that scares me to death. I always pictured us growing old together and I don't think I can do that if I constantly have these images in my head of him having sex with someone else. I feel like I have no idea who he is. The person I married was not the person who did this. I just don't know what to do. I want to work this out, I desperately do. I just feel like this little girl whose been horribly abused by her parents, but still loves them because they're all she knows. Does that make sense to anyone?

(((hugs))) to you- it does make sense. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

6 weeks seems like an eternity to you, but it really has not been that long. I know you don't want to hear this, but it takes a lot of time. I am 9 months out and still have those kinds of days.

You are so right- he was not the man you married and probably not the man he is now.

The images get better. Spend as much time together as you can to make new memories to replace those awful visions.

I know at 6 weeks when people told me these kinds of things I was like, yeah right. They were right. It is amazing how things have changed in 9 months.

What do you need from him? Do you know? He is doing what he is 'supposed' to do, but what do you need?

I bet he'd be willing to do it.

Are you in counseling? I did it and it was a lifesaver. Sometimes I would tell him the same things I had been telling my husband, but he would say it back to me in 'man words' and then I would know the way to say it to my husband.

Hang in there.

It makes a lot of sense to me - I feel very much the same way as you do.

Been a few weeks longer for me, but I don't feel better and probably feel worse. Situation is different, however, in that W has not been as good as your H since dday. You should probably be glad about that at least, but I am sure it's hard. I think that would help me, but it's not going to happen.

I think if you read other posts on these boards you will see that your feelings are not at all unique and, if you are like many others, your feelings will change constantly (up and down).

Great advice from move forward. I am also new to this; about 2mos. I don't have a day where these thoughts do not overpower my carefully laid resistence. I'm so sorry you've joined the club, it's not something I would wish on anybody.
I am also finding MC and IC extremely helpful, I highly recommend it.

I hope you find some peace and please pass on any successful moves you discover; I could surely use them.

Hang in there, vivre le vie!

Thank you all for your encouraging words. It helps me just to know that other people feel the same way I do. It also really helps to know from others who've been in my place that time can help me heal. I want to be a big enough person to forgive this betrayal. I can only hope that I will be able to.

Thanks again.

One thing you will find is that forgiveness is for YOU. You are very early in the process. It takes years of healing for the pain to go away and while I can only speak of my experiences there are still times when I think of it and it hurts.

Stay here and learn...it is very normal....I wish someone had a link to Bob Pures thread on D-day...and the emotions of finding out...

your level of pain and anger is very appropriate for your timeline

you are just fine, not abnormal

take care

Pep