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PleaseHelp, I am sure smolina is a big girl with big girl panties who is perfectly capable of answering questions about her statements. If she is not, then she shouldn't be making them. Far from "bashing" her, she seems to feel entitled to bash older posters who have helped many people on this forum when she has helped NONE.

But she goes even further and attempts to have those BANNED who disagree with her. Good grief. She owes some answers to those who challenged her statements. I will await her response.....


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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frank, thank you so much for your support. you are teaching me to be stronger and i feel i can post knowing you will stand up for people like me and others who are imtimidated by bullies. i thank you for your wisdom and compassion hear on this site. i spoke to my dear husabnd and he will not email you or accept the principles yet. he has forbid me to email you or anyone privately so can we post hear about the plan a principles? i respect my husband and must honor his wishes. i feel so much better knowing i can post now and not lurk. my plan a has been helped by you so much. dazed's success has given me the strength to press on. can you tell me more about your friend lostva or the person who plan a'd for 5 years and got his wife back. i think the boards hear could use that inspiration.

thank you for being such a good person and encoouraging of gods word and the harleys marriage building prinicipels. your goodness can never be repaid and i know i will owe you my marriage someday becasue i know i can reocver with my husband. i believe it so strongly now. with god, and these principles and support from you and others anything can happen. thank you so much.
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MelodyLane,
big girl with big panties.... what a resourceful put down... aren't YOU clever..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Come on Those three helped someone here? Do what? Hate….Kick to the curb…..go “dark” they are misinformed hateful and anti-MB and if I were Harley…. I would “Kick them to the curb” Because they go against EVERYTHING he’s tried to build her…..after all it is...... MARRIAGEBULIDERS….. Not MARRIAGEHATERS…

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frank, thank you so much for your support. you are teaching me to be stronger and i feel i can post knowing you will stand up for people like me and others who are intimidated by bullies.

Not ME my friend… you know WHO is making you stronger…



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i spoke to my dear husband and he will not email you or accept the principles yet. he has forbid me to email you or anyone privately so can we post hear about the plan a principles? i respect my husband and must honor his wishes.

That’s OK…. It’s more important that YOU understand and implement them….. If I were you I’d read from the bible to him as he is a Christian… and THAT is the last word anyway…..



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i feel so much better knowing i can post now and not lurk. my plan a has been helped by you so much. dazed's success has given me the strength to press on. can you tell me more about your friend lostva or the person who plan a'd for 5 years and got his wife back. i think the boards hear could use that inspiration.

Why don’t you start your very first OWN thread with YOUR story… (it’ll be long so remember to separate the paragraphs to make it easier to read) and I’ll check back later tonight and respond…. There are a LOT of good people here and we’ll keep the “wolves” away or ignore them (even better) on your post so we can get something going for you….

As for LOSTVA… she is a woman…. The recovered her husband after about 9 months of Plan “A” (only BTW) they have been BACK together 5 years now though…..

I pasted her posts above she’s a good read for betrayed women…..

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i know i will owe you my marriage someday because i know i can recover with my husband. i believe it so strongly now. with god, and these principles and support from you and others anything can happen. thank you so much.
Smolina

I can guarantee that it won’t be me you will owe your Marriage to someday… you need to look a LOT higher than me for the RIGHT person to thank…. (he likes when you kneel BTW LOL) And you are right… “Nothing is impossible with GOD”

So go post and tell details of how long you’re married… children……when where the affairs happened….. With WHO… and all the details you can think of… remember… we are all anonymous here no way to find out who you are (don’t use names of course) I’ll re-spond later… GOD BLESS….

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Is there a full moon tonight? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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MelodyLane,
big girl with big panties.... what a resourceful put down... aren't YOU clever..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Why thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I guess I was wrong about those big girl panties, though! Apprently, I was being overly optimistic about smolina! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Hi Melody, JPH and Resistent.

All of you had some good points.

Don’t even bother with Frank. If you don’t agree with him you are a hater. Frank thinks that if you demand your spouse stop sleeping with other people that is a love buster. With his logic if a wife demanded her husband stop hitting and abusing her it would be a love buster for the wife.

When a WS continues to display abusive behavior to the BS he mocks people that point this out. When a father who should be protecting his daughter tolerates his WS abuse and her continued contact with a OM that has used threats then people are going to be upset about this.

Melody you are one of my favorite posters because you tell it like it is. Some people don’t understand if you have a spouse that keeps abusing you and you allow it to go on then you need to get away from them. Without consequences their behavior will not change.

Frank thinks no one wants to debate him but no one wants to bother with it. I will continue to speak out and I don’t care what Frank thinks. There is no place for abuse in a marriage and for him to mock people that point this out just shows that he does not know what he is talking about.

I am not going to convince Frank he is wrong, it is his opinion. He is sure not going to convince me that I am wrong so all of this is just a waste of time

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Pleasehelp...

Jesus did get angry. He got angry at those in the temple who were taking advantage of the poor by charging high prices for the sacrifices that people who traveled so far could not bring with them. He said the temple was not to be a marketplace. He also got angry at the Pharissee leaders whose long list of rules were used to make themselves feel superior and relied upon for salvation. Never did he express anger in such a way that you have expressed.

If any one of us that you describe to be "evil,"
did not know God, you've made it certain that none of us would listen to you if God called you to witness...and aren't Christians called to be witnesses unto all the earth? In fact could it be that with your harsh words and condemnation, which of us would spend eternity in ****** because of the judgements you made.

When God tells us in Matthew, "judge not lest ye be judged" what He was saying is that one cannot judge the matters of the heart as only God can see the heart. We of course can "judge" evidence of the fruit of one's life. If we all took this scripture to the mis-application that you have, our court system would be abolished and the judges that God established in the Old Testament would have been a foolish error on God's part..and of course we know God is not capable of foolishness..but man surely is.

You defend smoblina's drunken, adulterous, incapable husband. I don't get it. Do you care as little for her as she does for herself? Are your brain functions limited to the misapplication of Plan A only?

You blame Adam and Eve's sin on satan? Wasn't evil in their heart or they would have obeyed God? It was their choice to disobey..satan created the opportunity and they took it. Eve didn't cause Adam to sin, he just blamed her for it. Adam did what he wanted to do.

When speaking of Christians you say "some of us drink, swear, lie, cheat, steal, lie, murder, whatever." God does not speak of sin so flippantly and what about a person whose life has a pattern of such behavior? Doesn't God say that not all who say Lord, Lord shall enter the kingdom of heaven?

Christians are certainly not supposed to pretend to be perfect nor do they walk on the road some of the time. A Christian understands that they can do nothing in their own strength but only through trusting God to work in their lives. Not plan A, not walking on some road part time, not berating others, not claiming satan to be the author of all that is evil but knowing that we're all capable of unspeakable evil...

God allows the tough times of life to reach us, teach us and grow us up. Don't get in the way of His purpose by your foolish rantings that you know people by mere words typed on a screen. You're defending someone who has posted a few times and know little of her life or experience. Your criticisms are directed at people who have been here for a long time and have established relationships and histories that prove they have wisdom borne of difficulties.

And by the way, I'm a lady.

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Hi Melody, JPH and Resistent.

uuh hem, that would be "[color:"blue"]R E S I L I E N T[/color]", not Resistent. lol

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Come on Those three helped someone here? Do what? Hate….Kick to the curb…..go “dark” they are misinformed hateful and anti-MB and if I were Harley…. I would “Kick them to the curb” Because they go against EVERYTHING he’s tried to build her…..after all it is...... MARRIAGEBULIDERS….. Not MARRIAGEHATERS…

deleted in anger and hurt.
smolina

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smolina, the only bully I see on this thread is you, dear. You are the one who wants those who disagree with you be BANNED. That is the behavior of an intolerant bully. You know nothing about Marriage Builders principles and even disagree with Dr. Harley himself. He advocates the very thing you want to ban other posters about: recommending divorce.

I am still waiting for you to answer the points I made in my post to you. Please quit avoiding my post and answer my points.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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smolina, the only bully I see on this thread is you, dear. You are the one who wants those who disagree with you be BANNED. That is the behavior of an intolerant bully. You know nothing about Marriage Builders principles and even disagree with Dr. Harley himself. He advocates the very thing you want to ban other posters about: recommending divorce.

I am still waiting for you to answer the points I made in my post to you. Please quit avoiding my post and answer my points.

melonylane. i dont know what questions you are wondering about??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> this whole thread was started because people like ihadenough and lemonamn were misguiding dazedandconfused with his marriage fight against what steve harley told dazed to do. that is very upsetting to those of us who value and trust in the harley principles. the harleys told dazed to fight on with plan a and that is what he was doing. to say to the conterary is wrong and that is what frank was saying and i agree with him so much. i believe so much in this website and the principlles. dazed has become a light guide for us who are trying to save marriages and people like those men i mentioned are not supporting this site. i did not email justus asking for her to ban those men but i will still consider doing so. i have talked to others here before who also feel the way that frank and i do but they have made it so scary to disaagree with anything they say ever. i know that steve harley had advised divorce but it is very rare and he is so much more tolerating and accomdating to other peoples problems than many of you..inlcuding yourself are. he is so accomodating and tolearble that he has not already banned ihadenoug and lemonman for all of the horrible things they have done and said to people here who are hurting and trying to save there marriages.

steve does not advise dazed to leave plan a now. how dare any of you say dazed should do this. i am so happy frank can stand up to you like this. i am trmebling with anger right now at having to defend myself on this site which is so dear to me and my marriage. how dare you??
smolina

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i have talked to others here before who also feel the way that frank and i do but they have made it so scary to disaagree with anything they say ever.

You have asked the MODs to BAN those who disagree with you and you have the gall to say this? You have not only disagreed with others, but you are a big enough BULLY to try and have them BANNED for disagreeeing with *you.* You then accused them of being "intolerant." Who is being the BULLY here, smolina?

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they have made it so scary to disaagree with anything they say ever. i know that steve harley had advised divorce but it is very rare and he is so much more tolerating and accomdating to other peoples problems than many of you..inlcuding yourself are.

Shouldn't you practice a little of this "tolerance" YOURSELF that you demand of others? Do you think it's "tolerant" to ask that folks who disagree with you be BANNED? I see others practicing tolerance, but I don't see you doing so. Wouldn't that be a little hypocritical?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Never did he express anger in such a way that you have expressed.

Of course he didn’t HE WAS JESUS…. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />but he did feel and display and act out the human emotion anger…..which was said in another post…. He didn’t………..

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If any one of us that you describe to be "evil,"
did not know God, you've made it certain that none of us would listen to you if God called you to witness...and aren't Christians called to be witnesses unto all the earth? ! In fact could it be that with your harsh words and condemnation, which of us would spend eternity in ****** because of the judgements you made.


For one….I never said the “doctors” were evil… I have always said EVERYTHING they say is directly opposite of the principals of this board…. I ask them time and again to reference me to the part of this site that they pull their “wisdom” <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> from and they don’t because they CAN’T…..

So if you don’t believe in MB GO AWAY… that’s all I’m saying… there are a LOT of angry “kick-em out and get even with the WS sites out there…. This is not one of them…. It’s like going to a counrty western lovers site and trying to tell them the way is rock & roll….. Sure R&R is OK and country is OK… but…. Stay on your own site Rockers…..

And my harsh words or kind words or no words will NEVER save or condem anyone… that’s God’s job…. It could be that when you stand up to these people maybe… a few years down the road (it may take that long they’re pretty arrogant and dense) they may see it as “righteous anger” and look to the lord because of it… BUT it will be GOD that softens their hearts not anything I can say….


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You defend smoblina's drunken, adulterous, incapable husband. I don't get it. Do you care as little for her as she does for herself? Are your brain functions limited to the misapplication of Plan A only?


I don’t defend WHAT he does… I just (unlike MOST of the haters) DO NOT define HIM by WHAT he DOES… and I’m not speaking for God here but I think he said something about forgive 70x7???? Something like that wasn’t it?

And Plan “A” is a principal on this board that closely resembles (to me) what Jesus would tell us IF he were approached with this like Steve Harley….I can’t picture Jesus telling someone…. Your WS is evil and he/she deserves what he gets because I GAVE THEM a choice and they blew it…. CAN………YOU??????????? I mean really don't just argue...here... can you REALLY??

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You blame Adam and Eve's sin on satan? Wasn't evil in their heart or they would have obeyed! God? It was their choice to disobey..satan created the oppor! tunity a nd they took it. Eve didn't cause Adam to sin, he just blamed her for it. Adam did what he wanted to do.


Satan deceived Eve…Eve deceived Adam….. God punted……


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Christians are certainly not supposed to pretend to be perfect nor do they walk on the road some of the time. A Christian understands that they can do nothing in their own strength but only through trusting God to work in their lives. Not plan A, not walking on some road part time, not berating others, not claiming satan to be the author of all that is evil but knowing that we're all capable of unspeakable evil...


About the "road" you just agreed with what I SAID......so you are just looking to argue....
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
So satan ISN’T the author of all evil? Then who? God? Us? We don’t CREATE… we are just CREATED and evil was brought to us by satan….we may be his tools sometimes… but.,.believe it… it’s him……

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God allows the tough times of life to reach us, teach us and grow us up. Don't get in the way of His purpose by your foolish rant! ings that you know people by mere words typed on a screen. You're defending someone who has posted a few times and know little of her life or experience. Your criticisms are directed at people who have been here for a long time and have established relationships and histories that prove they have wisdom borne of difficulties.


Oh I’m so sorry…. I didn’t know you well enough to know that God speaks to YOU directly…. And you understand his purpose…..better than ALL of us……
I’m defending TRUTH……and the three stooges mentioned earlier…. Have NO IDEA… what the truth is…. They are the ones who rant….and you are their follower…….again…… what have we accomplished here to help anyone through this…. We just wasted more time….. Satan is smiling….

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And by the way, I'm a lady.

YOU ARE!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Sorry/.....

..

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Don’t even bother with Frank. If you don’t agree with him you are a hater.


YES PAAAALLLEEEEESSSS don’t……Frank doesn’t need to waste any MORE time…. And BTW it was DAZED that coined the phrase “Haters” not me but I do agree……

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Frank thinks no one wants to debate him but no one wants to bother with it. I will continue to speak out and I don’t care what Frank thinks. There is no place for abuse in a marriage and for him to mock people that point this out just shows that he does not know what he is talking about.

A debate..is what YOU never do…. Because to “debate” you need to have FACTS to back up your side… YOU simply argue and run….then comeback and change the subject…if you ARE a doctor… I hope you don’t do the same to your patients…I don’t remember if it’s you and Lemonhead or both that are doctors…???

My nature is sarcastic humor…..you are an easy target is all… because you never stay on issue… you make it easy….
But in general… you and Lemonhead strike me as an angry bitter misinformed people that hide their insecurities behind arrogance……

I mean how IS it that people here KNOW you are doctors? BUT NOT YOUR FIRST NAMES?? Did you think it would make them consider YOUR opinion better than theirs?? They MAY but I don’t…..I KNOW you can’t learn this in MEDICAL SCHOOL…..

I’ve NEVER told people what I do…. They may be impressed….but WHO CARES?? If I am a State Senator does that make me more “in tune” to this issue? That’s not what this place is about….



And… of course….you NEVER did TRY AND DEBATE the timeline of PROGRESS I wrote for Dazed… because you KNOW I’m right…..don’t you..Hit and run BOY?

..

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Whew..Ihadenough..you're right. Why bother..

Pleasehelp...I don't know why you used the screen name of "Pleasehelp" because you already know everything...

No wonder your wife found another..who could stand to live with this...hatred wrapped up in self righteousness. As I said when you point a finger at another claiming their intentions are evil, remember there are three pointed back at yourself. We're to examine our own motives not those of others.

State senator?? That's impressive to you? I would think more of a used car saleman...

There is no Marriage Builders Community Church and Dr. Harley's books are not divine in nature. His principles have wisdom and can be effective in some cases but not all. They are not a license to take abuse and allow the abuse of the innocent. His principles cannot prevent furuther pain nor guarantee that a WS will "come home."

Pleasehelp, put me on ignore and I'll do the same for you.

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Hi Melody, JPH and Resistent.

uuh hem, that would be "[color:"blue"]R E S I L I E N T[/color]", not Resistent. lol


Resilient - I appologize!!!! I should have copied and pasted instead of trying to type. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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But in general… you and Lemonhead strike me as an angry bitter misinformed people that hide their insecurities behind arrogance……

I mean how IS it that people here KNOW you are doctors? BUT NOT YOUR FIRST NAMES?? Did you think it would make them consider YOUR opinion better than theirs?? They MAY but I don’t…..I KNOW you can’t learn this in MEDICAL SCHOOL…..

I’ve NEVER told people what I do…. They may be impressed….but WHO CARES?? If I am a State Senator does that make me more “in tune” to this issue? That’s not what this place is about….



And… of course….you NEVER did TRY AND DEBATE the timeline of PROGRESS I wrote for Dazed… because you KNOW I’m right…..don’t you..Hit and run BOY?

..


Frank: I am going to insult you now. I learned never to debate an idiot. They pull you down to their level and beat you with their experience.

You are and insulting know it all jerk. Anybody could read my posts to you and compare what we wrote to each other and I have been far more tolerant than you have.

I am not the one that put your story on that other thread. But why is it that the things that you say don't work did work in your case? The exact things that you deny will work did work for a while in your case. Yet you keep denying it?? I did not put that on there but they were your own words.

You call what Dazed has is progress? His wife is still in an Affair and still abusing him with a "Nut" OM. Oh, she is in the house so she gets to treat him like crap and you consider that progress. The OM is a danger to his family still and you call it progress. Dazed now has a wife that is still in an affair.

Not all marriages should be saved because not all people are worthy. I know something about this since my mom was a horrible person. I loved her but no body should have been married to her. Not all marriages can be saved and it does not make you a hero to take abuse from a spouse.

You already have said that it is a LB to demand your spouse stop screwing another person so what if a wife demands her S stop beating her is that also a LB? People that put up with abuse get abused. There is no place for it yet you mock people and make fun of them for pointing this out.

Some people do not respond to the Harley's principles. Even if you meet all their needs they will not respond. It doesn't mean the principles are not sound it just means that some people are not marriage material.

Unlike you I don't sit here waiting to respond to a jerk like you. I have a job and a life. I am spending the afternoon with my kids. You are not important to me at all.

Now when did I ever stated that I was a doctor? I have never stated what my profession is on MB. The only thing I have said is that I earn a good living. No one knows if I am a doctor or not but I certainly have never said I was a doctor. It would not matter what my profession is just like I don't care what your profession is.

It is kind of sad that you call us the haters when your the one that is doing all of the hating?

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I believe Dazed should have plan B'ed immediately following his WW moving out, a few months ago. Yet he allowed her to return, with no boundaries, no NC, no RO, no nothing. She has continued to see OM since coming back home, no respect for herself, Dazed, and DD as a family unit. She has had both worlds since being back home, continued cakeeating in the most, dishonorable, disrespectful way. But I believe please help is right, only Dazed knows how much he can take of that.

I also believe that Dazed is setting up boundaries now, and hopefully he will be consistent with them, and hopefully his WW will take him seriously. He will have to stand stronger now, she will do everything to knock those boundaries down again and have it "her cake-eating way."
Of which is not healthy for any of them.

Blessings,
Lady

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Smolina99,

Let first say that I am on the side of IHadeenough, Lemon, JPH, Melody, Sendme and others of a similar temperament. I also have a lot of respect for the above-mentioned individuals. I just want you to know that upfront.

Having said that I have also come to respect people like JL and Mortarman who are much more patient than we are, but who are nonetheless very wise in their way. In fact, I believe that JL and Mortarman are as good as it gets on this board.

I am writing to you because I feel your pain through your posts. I think you should spend your time talking to someone like JL and not get on a thread like this that does no good to advance your situation and which actually affects you negatively.

With that in mind, I propose to call out JL for you and see if he can lend his wisdom to your situation. He is extremely nice and gentle person. More importantly, he is a very, very wise person.

You see, there are people like PH on one side and people like me, Lemonman, etc, on the other on this board. What I think you need is someone like JL or Mortarman, who are somewhat in the middle or at least more tolerant than we are, and who could be of great help to you.

Mortarman is busy right now with his own sitch, but like I said above, if you want I could put you in touch with JL. I feel that you are hurting, and I hope that someone (wise) on MB can help you out. I pray that things work out for you.

God Bless.

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