I decided to post here even though I just started the divorce. A little history....he took a job out of state 9 months ago, promptly started an affair, I begged and cajoled to move with him after resisting at first, he said no because he was living with her...... then said he wanted to work it out in Jan and confessed the affair and asked for a divorce a few days later. We bargained he said he would give her up... he didn't ... got proof of that... he refuses to commit to anything one way or another.

I deduced that not only is he not working on our marriage he has no intention of it, he's just trying to calm me down so I won't tell the kids the truth. He wants out and I'm tired of waiting for a decision. 9 months of my life has been trashed and I'm reclaiming my own life and moving on since he won't make any decisions. I also have come to accept the fact that I put up with verbal abuse for years and he sees nothing wrong with how he treats me so leaving is my only option to teach my children what responsibility is.

So I feel like I'm moving through the stages of healing rather quickly but is it just a false sense of progress? I figured that those of you who have been through it will probably have a better perspective than those of us just experiencing it.

I just filed this week and I cried off and on for a day or two but after quesioning my decision I know I've done the right thing. I know cycling through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance is normal but is the fact that I no longer get angry about what has happened sign of real progress?

I do find myself coming in and out of depression and acceptance and being at peace and almost excited about the challenges ahead. I'm trying to enjoy the acceptance and just let the tears flow as much as they need to when I feel sad. I don't really feel that sad about losing him now as the relationship was so flawed even before the affair but I feel more sad for my kids and the loss of what could have been. Not him specifically anymore. I don't know maybe the fact that we have been emotionally/sexually/and usually physically separated for 9 months has made me miss him less and less.

He only is here on the weekends and that's about to switch to every other weekend and that makes me even happier. He was here the other day and I felt nothing toward him negatively but more just like he was an old friend but when he left I was relieved to be alone with my kids again. How long does this stuff usually take? I'm a SAHM so I've had lots of time to devote to reading/grieving/processing.

I guess I'm answering my own questions and I'm in an upbeat swing today. I know the next minute I could be in tears again and that's ok. How long does the depression usually last? Could it be that I'm really starting to near the end of the journey?

It could be. Just don't be surprised if you continue to get angry and irritated and annoyed and sad, as well as joyous, excited, nervous, thrilled and happy.

For me, I simply think about my m and my X and the past, less and less.

there is no timeline. the five stages you go through take weeks in some people and years in others. i am at the acceptance stage and have been for about seven to eight weeks. i left and filed in january. my stbx x emotionally and physically abandoned the relationship months to even a year before i left. we separated three times. by the time i filed i was over a lot of the anger and denial. my stbx is still angry and denying so she has a way to go.

i can offer these suggestions. talk to someone immediately. family member, best buddy, church member/offical, or a therapist or all of the above. build a supports system now. feeling depressed is ok but you can't stay there. i know women and men handle things differently and this post is coming from a guy, so it may mean nothing to you.

there is no determined time. there is only your grief and recovery. be strong and work on yourself starting now.

good luck