WW asked me today if I was upset with her. She keeps telling me she is sorry, feels bad, etc. I responded with the following letter. Please let me know if it is full of LBs. She was extremely angry and will not talk to me now.
=======================================================
I am going to be very honest here, and I don’t mean to hurt you, but I think it must be said. I am upset. I feel like you are giving up on a wonderful thing. I know this isn’t easy on you, but I think you want me to make it easy. I do understand, somewhat, what you are going through. I went through it too, but I was a bitter man. Even so, I tried. I thought maybe something was possible. I don’t think you even want to try. I know you are not 100% right now, but how can you be when you are thinking about/talking to/going to dinner with someone else? You see all of my deficiencies and all of his strengths.

You keep saying you don’t want to be the bad guy, I think there is a reason you feel that way. You spring on me that you are not happy, tell me why, and then don’t even try to work through the problems. Meanwhile, I am just supposed to sit here and take it. I feel like you have already decided that I can’t change. You say that when I act lovingly that I’m not making it easy…am I supposed to? Am I supposed to tell you to move on with your life and that I don’t care? I would only be lying to myself. I feel like you keep wanting me to hate you to make it easier on you. I will NEVER hate you. I LOVE you. I know you are confused. It is okay to be confused. I am here for you for WHATEVER you need.

You keep telling me that you can’t force people to do something they don’t want to do, the ironic thing is that you are forcing me to do something that I don’t want to do.

I acknowledge that things aren’t perfect. I acknowledge that I have my faults, but almost all of them I am aware of and think I can change. I have been MUCH better with my preparation and doing things ahead of time…and I think the students are seeing the results. I am more motivated than ever to write grant proposals and get funding and I have the confidence that I can do it. I know I need to go out more with friends and make more of an effort. I remember back when we used to go to parties or go dancing, and I miss that. I know you would enjoy going out again with me if you would give me the opportunity. I am going to start taking piano lessons. These are all things that I know I need to do FOR ME, and I am going to do them regardless. But I want you to see that I can become a better person.

I want you to give me the chance to rekindle what we had, but you can’t do that if you continue to think that he is going to make up for what I lack. We have to be open with each other and say what is on our mind before things get to this stage. I use the analogy of giving my students a problem. You can’t read a problem and say, “I can’t do that,” and give up. You have to work through it. You may have to get some help to work through it. You don’t always succeed, but at least you tried. You haven’t given me the opportunity.

I know you feel bad. I know you don’t want to hurt me, but what do you expect? You are telling me that everything that I thought my life was going to be is no longer there. I grieve for children we never had. I grieve for anniversaries we never had. I grieve for vacations we never had. I think about us going to an open mic someday and me playing piano while you sing. This was my life, now it’s not.

I know I have low self-esteem issues, but I have also noticed how much that has changed with getting the position. I still have a long way to go, but I don’t think I am lost. I feel now like I could move on and do whatever I want. I know I CAN move on…I don’t WANT to. I know what we have is special. It is going to take work to get it back…and it won’t be easy, but I feel like giving up is just like saying that we never had anything to begin with, when obviously we did. Why else have we been together and happy for this long? If I felt that we were so wrong for each other, I would give up right now…but this is worth fighting for. Love is a choice, and I choose to love you.

I do understand that you feel like there is nothing there, that we are too different. Can you honestly say that your feelings for him aren’t clouding anything? What if you had told me two months ago about your feelings? Would you still be so willing to give up on us, or would have wanted to work on it? What if your parents told you that they don’t support your decision? Does it make it easier that they do? Why are you so mad at your sister for the points she made?

I don’t want you to feel trapped. I don’t want to make you unhappy, and I won’t force you to be with me, but if you are so sure, why don’t you divorce me? I am willing to give you all the time you need, but you don’t sound like there is any question. I don’t want you to regret anything, but what regrets would you have if you tried and it didn’t work? Do you think he wouldn’t be there waiting for you? What if you do end it and come to regret it? Do you want to have that in your head that you should have tried? And how can you be fair to our marriage if you continue to nurture another relationship while avoiding me? What good does avoiding me do? Make it easier to move on?

I know you are probably going to resent me for saying all of this, but it is how I feel. I could not believe all you had to say earlier when I brought up your feelings for him was, ”Sorry.” I am frustrated, tired, and devastated. I feel as though I have no control over a situation that will dictate where the rest of my will go. All I can do is control myself and my own actions.

I continue to love you with everything I have. I know that you are still the same woman that I fell so deeply in love with almost 6 years ago. I can’t change all of the things that I have done wrong. I am not proud of my shortcomings. But I believe they are things that I can improve upon and make a better future together, but how will you know if you don’t give me the opportunity?

I told you all along that I would never ask you to give up your job because I knew how much you loved your position. It would be too big of a risk to go somewhere and try something that we both may not like. I don’t define myself by my career. I define myself by my family and my values. I value us and everything about us, and I will do whatever it takes for US.

You keep saying I am a good person and we are best friends. How many married people can say that AND MEAN IT? I couldn’t say that in my first marriage. For you and I, there will probably come a time when our friendship is more important than anything else.

If I sound desperate, maybe I am. I have never wanted anything this bad in my life. I’m holding on by a thread, and I feel like you are going to cut that thread. If you do, I will have no choice but to move on. It won’t be easy, but I will. But I want you to know that I am not going to let go that easily. I love you and our life too much, and I think it is worth saving, and capable of being saved.

These are all things that I really needed to say. I am sorry if I hurt you or made you mad, but right now I have nothing to lose, so I have to be honest. It doesn’t change anything that I wrote to you Monday…I meant everything I said. But I don’t want you to think that I am ready to move on with my life and I agree that it won’t work between us. I won’t agree, and never will. I will, however, always respect your decision because I have no choice in it. I will always love you and hope that you find happiness in everything you do, I just hope I can be there to enjoy it with you.



Of course I am okay with seeing you. I love to see you. It makes my day. I think about you ALL THE TIME (even before this situation…I am always talking about you, bragging about you, etc…and you know that bragging really isn’t in my personality). I have had plenty of things that I wanted to talk to you about, but I have been trying to respect your space. I was very happy to hear that you made the second cut…I know how worried you are about “turn-over” this year. I will help you with whatever you need from the house. Maybe between the two of us, we can somehow get the bed to your friend's house. I have already taken it apart. I know how uncomfortable couches can be, so I don’t want you to be in pain. It is important that you get good rest.



Please understand that I am NOT mad. I am hurt. I know you are hurting too. I have NEVER discounted your feelings through this. I do care about you and your feelings. We have different perspectives on things right now, and I’m not saying you are wrong. I just want you to know what is REALLY going on in my head. I am never going to stop fighting for something that I hold so dear. I married you because I felt forever, and I want to try to keep forever.

(edited for readability...thanks Mulan)

Dear Lost - please break up this post into paragraphs and re-post it. Huge solid blocks of text are virtually impossible to read and you will not get very many responses. Please help us to help you by not making us struggle to get through your post.

I will check back a little later.
thank you
Mulan

Okay, all broken up. Sorry for the long lines of text. When I sent it to her, I just let it flow from me without thinking about it.

I really need some feedback because I am going crazy. How is it that a WS can make a BS feel bad for not approving of being treated like dirt? I don't get it. I know only I can allow her to do that, but it's always in the back of my mind. Was I wrong? I am more than willing to admit when I make a mistake and to take responsibility.

You've already sent it so why do you want opinions? Just asking...not judging.

I am going to be very honest here, and I don’t mean to hurt you, but I think it must be said. I am upset. I feel like you are giving up on a wonderful thing. I know this isn’t easy on you, but I think you want me to make it easy. I do understand, somewhat, what you are going through. I went through it too, but I was a bitter man. Even so, I tried. I thought maybe something was possible. I don’t think you even want to try. [color:"red"]don't put words in her mouth [/color] I know you are not 100% right now, but how can you be when you are thinking about/talking to/going to dinner with someone else? You see all of my deficiencies and all of his strengths.

You keep saying you don’t want to be the bad guy, I think there is a reason you feel that way. You spring on me that you are not happy, tell me why, and then don’t even try to work through the problems. Meanwhile, I am just supposed to sit here and take it. I feel like you have already decided that I can’t change. [color:"red"]again ... try to write this so it will not seem you are speaking FOR her ... sometimes you can express this sort of stuff in the form of a question and it "goes over" with less resentment .... just a suggestion [/color] You say that when I act lovingly that I’m not making it easy…am I supposed to? Am I supposed to tell you to move on with your life and that I don’t care? I would only be lying to myself. I feel like you keep wanting me to hate you to make it easier on you. [color:"red"]same issue ... this puts HER immediately on the defensive having to argue what you think she thinks ... it's a circular arguement usually pointless and without a clear win-win solution [/color] I will NEVER hate you. I LOVE you. I know you are confused. It is okay to be confused. I am here for you for WHATEVER you need. [color:"red"]THIS is great! [/color]

You keep telling me that you can’t force people to do something they don’t want to do, the ironic thing is that you are forcing me to do something that I don’t want to do.

I acknowledge that things aren’t perfect. I acknowledge that I have my faults, but almost all of them I am aware of and think I can change. I have been MUCH better with my preparation and doing things ahead of time…and I think the students are seeing the results. I am more motivated than ever to write grant proposals and get funding and I have the confidence that I can do it. I know I need to go out more with friends and make more of an effort. I remember back when we used to go to parties or go dancing, and I miss that. I know you would enjoy going out again with me if you would give me the opportunity. I am going to start taking piano lessons. These are all things that I know I need to do FOR ME, and I am going to do them regardless. But I want you to see that I can become a better person.

I want you to give me the chance to rekindle what we had, but you can’t do that if you continue to think that he is going to make up for what I lack. [color:"red"]instead of getting into her head ... state it as a solution to a problem not a solution to her thinking [/color] We have to be open with each other and say what is on our mind before things get to this stage. I use the analogy of giving my students a problem. You can’t read a problem and say, “I can’t do that,” and give up. You have to work through it. You may have to get some help to work through it. You don’t always succeed, but at least you tried. You haven’t given me the opportunity.

I know you feel bad. I know you don’t want to hurt me, but what do you expect? You are telling me that everything that I thought my life was going to be is no longer there. I grieve for children we never had. I grieve for anniversaries we never had. I grieve for vacations we never had. I think about us going to an open mic someday and me playing piano while you sing. This was my life, now it’s not.

I know I have low self-esteem issues, [color:"red"]STOP ... I cannot stand the "low self esteem" psycho-babble discussions ... I'd delete this ... too weak ... there is nothing for HER to do to repair whatever self esteem issues you may have ... my vote ... DELETE ... wrong time and not a marital issue when you have an infidelity to discuss [/color] but I have also noticed how much that has changed with getting the position. I still have a long way to go, but I don’t think I am lost. I feel now like I could move on and do whatever I want. I know I CAN move on…I don’t WANT to. I know what we have is special. It is going to take work to get it back…and it won’t be easy, but I feel like giving up is just like saying that we never had anything to begin with, when obviously we did. Why else have we been together and happy for this long? If I felt that we were so wrong for each other, I would give up right now…but this is worth fighting for. Love is a choice, and I choose to love you.

I do understand that you feel like there is nothing there, that we are too different. Can you honestly say that your feelings for him aren’t clouding anything? [color:"red"]bringing OM into the discussion is often a mistake ... the infidel then feels the need to DEFEND his character, charms, and what-have-you ... I'd drop him out of the discussion other than to reference that OM is a third party interfering in what could be a wonderful marriage [/color] What if you had told me two months ago about your feelings? Would you still be so willing to give up on us, or would have wanted to work on it? What if your parents told you that they don’t support your decision? Does it make it easier that they do? Why are you so mad at your sister for the points she made?

I don’t want you to feel trapped. I don’t want to make you unhappy, and I won’t force you to be with me, but if you are so sure, why don’t you divorce me? I am willing to give you all the time you need, but you don’t sound like there is any question. I don’t want you to regret anything, [color:"red"]really? I was sure as heck wanting my husband to regret his affair !!!! Don't write mush if it is not true mush ... I think any decent human being with a functioning conscience SHOULD regret their infidelity .... [/color] but what regrets would you have if you tried and it didn’t work? Do you think he wouldn’t be there waiting for you? What if you do end it and come to regret it? Do you want to have that in your head that you should have tried? And how can you be fair to our marriage if you continue to nurture another relationship while avoiding me? What good does avoiding me do? Make it easier to move on?

[colorred]altogether too many questions ... she will not be able to manage a decent answer for much of what you are asking ... and that may drive her further away ... ask one or two questions ... then wait for her to respond [/color]

I know you are probably going to resent me for saying all of this, [color:"red"]no no no ... do not tell her how she is going to respond ... that builds resentments all by it's self .... allow her to form her own emotional respose [/color] but it is how I feel. I could not believe all you had to say earlier when I brought up your feelings for him was, ”Sorry.” I am frustrated, tired, and devastated. I feel as though I have no control over a situation that will dictate where the rest of my will go. All I can do is control myself and my own actions.

I continue to love you with everything I have. I know that you are still the same woman that I fell so deeply in love with almost 6 years ago. I can’t change all of the things that I have done wrong. I am not proud of my shortcomings. But I believe they are things that I can improve upon and make a better future together, but how will you know if you don’t give me the opportunity?

I told you all along that I would never ask you to give up your job because I knew how much you loved your position. It would be too big of a risk to go somewhere and try something that we both may not like. I don’t define myself by my career. I define myself by my family and my values. I value us and everything about us, and I will do whatever it takes for US.

You keep saying I am a good person and we are best friends. How many married people can say that AND MEAN IT? I couldn’t say that in my first marriage. For you and I, there will probably come a time when our friendship is more important than anything else.

If I sound desperate, maybe I am. I have never wanted anything this bad in my life. I’m holding on by a thread, and I feel like you are going to cut that thread. If you do, I will have no choice but to move on. It won’t be easy, but I will. But I want you to know that I am not going to let go that easily. I love you and our life too much, and I think it is worth saving, and capable of being saved.

These are all things that I really needed to say. I am sorry if I hurt you or made you mad, but right now I have nothing to lose, so I have to be honest. It doesn’t change anything that I wrote to you Monday…I meant everything I said. But I don’t want you to think that I am ready to move on with my life and I agree that it won’t work between us. I won’t agree, and never will. I will, however, always respect your decision because I have no choice in it. I will always love you and hope that you find happiness in everything you do, I just hope I can be there to enjoy it with you.



Of course I am okay with seeing you. I love to see you. It makes my day. I think about you ALL THE TIME (even before this situation…I am always talking about you, bragging about you, etc…and you know that bragging really isn’t in my personality). I have had plenty of things that I wanted to talk to you about, but I have been trying to respect your space. I was very happy to hear that you made the second cut…I know how worried you are about “turn-over” this year. I will help you with whatever you need from the house. Maybe between the two of us, we can somehow get the bed to your friend's house. I have already taken it apart. I know how uncomfortable couches can be, so I don’t want you to be in pain. It is important that you get good rest.



Please understand that I am NOT mad. I am hurt. I know you are hurting too. I have NEVER discounted your feelings through this. I do care about you and your feelings. We have different perspectives on things right now, and I’m not saying you are wrong. I just want you to know what is REALLY going on in my head. I am never going to stop fighting for something that I hold so dear. I married you because I felt forever, and I want to try to keep forever.

(edited for readability...thanks Mulan) [/quote]

[color:"red"]overall a good start ... but too long

Pep [/color]

ahhhhhhhh

I see you already sent this letter .... I agree with Cinderella ... what's the point now???

Pep

Cinderella,

I want feedback because she won't talk to me and is making me feel like I am a psycho. I just want others' opinions to see if was completely off base and did more harm than good. I think part of her reaction is that I am calling her out...I don't know if that is good or bad.

This letter will not ATTRACT your WW back to you

nor did it serve the purpose of making you feel less like a psycho ... did it?

next time ... post it before you send it

have you seen your physician about anti depressants? Most BS need them ... it was a huge help for me

Pep

I think Pepperband did a great job of critiquing your letter. And if you want your wife back, I'd suggest reading up on Plan A and implementing that immediately if not sooner.
Mulan

Thanks for the notes Pepperband. Read my previous point for my reasoning. I agree with your assessment.

Let me go into a little more depth about why I am freaking out. I sent a letter to her parents earlier in the week telling them how I was handling everything ("impending" divorce). MIL called WW, said she understood, but sounded sad. I forwarded WW the letter. She called me later almost mad...she felt like the "bad guy" (what else is she? I don't want this). Later she apologized. (BTW, she is currently living with a friend)

This morning, I sent her a message saying that I do not understand her feelings...it is like she just wants me to be agreeable and give her a pass. I also talked to a counselor for the first time this morning and realized how much OM is confounding things...even if she thinks he's not.

She called me and we talked about things for a minute. She keeps asking if I am mad at her. I told her that it really hurt me that she was already thinking about her future with OM. That was when she said, "Sorry." I just said bye and hung up the phone. She wrote me back. She told me she was sorry, and didn't know what I wanted. Did I want to hear that this is hard on her too? I wrote her back with the letter that I posted...that was 1PM.

I had a meeting until 3:15 PM. I continually called at work and her cell. She wouldn't answer or call back. I knew she had been to the house because she got her mail. I went to the friends and knocked on the door. She told me to leave, that she would call the cops and that her friend didn't want this...all I wanted to do was talk. I eventually left, and called her. She talked to me on the phone...wouldn't say much and kept trying to get rid of me. I asked her is she was mad and she kept saying no. She said she would talk to me when she wanted and that she would be by tomorrow.

I guess it is just her reaction that has me freaked...did I say something SO WRONG? I just want to save my marriage. BTW, I have NEVER been physically abusive, so she has no need to be scared of me. Right now, she says she is a little worried because I have mood swings. I wish I could disagree, but I can't help it. I am losing my wife and it hurts. I have been doing much better since I have been taking the medication though.

So now what? Am I wrong? Was I completely off base?

I guess another question I could ask is what should I say tomorrow? Should I admit that I was hasty and said things without thinking? Or should I just shut my trap and Plan A it all the way? I have been handling this so much better since I felt like I have nothing to lose, but deep down, I feel like I am losing everything.

It's not a matter of being "wrong" ... this is how many betrayed spouses behave when they LACK a PLAN

You have no plan and you are not behaving in a way that will ATTRACT your wife back to you

have you asked your physician for anti depressants?


Pep

I am on medication.

I did have a plan...but I strayed from it. I lost focus. She has insisted on not talking to me and spending time with him. I moved on to Plan B...make him fulfill everything. Didn't last very long.

Regarding Plan A...I did it as much as I could. The biggest problem is that she really didn't have a lot to complain about. She said I was a good person and a good husband. I didn't get mad at her at all and listened to everything with understanding. She has 3 "problems" with me. The first is that she feels that I am lazy and I procrastinate which causes me to not complete things as well as I could...I have been working on that, and showing her. The second is my "low self esteem" which I would recast somewhat. It is not that I don't feel capable, it is that I don't feel I'm given a chance. (I know that I have to listen to what she says, because that is her reality).

The final, and probably biggest, is that she doesn't feel that we have common interests, but she won't allow me to participate in her life. How I can show her that I can change if she won't give me the opportunity? I keep telling her about what I am doing and how I want to change, but she turns a deaf ear.

It would be so much easier to accept if she would try. If we tried and it didn't work, at least we could say that. But she just sprung feelings of unhappiness on me 4 weeks ago, and said she had to determine whether or not it is worth working on. How is that fair? Tell me I'm broken and not give me a chance to fix it. I know I must stop blaming myself, but I know that I had a stake in this.

hey lost2 - completely honest here...i think you need to step back and breath.
sit in a quiet space alone and really do some of the self care stuff LA wrote about on my thread. you need to step out of the situation for a little while...and give yourself some space. If you spin - it is exactly what she expects you to do...be needy and panic - that will help her in stepping further away from you. if you are strong it will throw her off guard. Don't need her for anything. (honestly you really don't) Once you get there - you will be amazed at how much better you feel. Try to stay in the present...don't think about kids, vacations etc... you are just torturing yourself and it will give you the opposite reaction from her that you are after.
keep me posted...

read this

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=&vc=1

Thanks Pepperband (the link)...all things I knew, but needed to be reminded of. I keep letting fear get the best of me. I keep letting her get the best of me. I need to go back to the drawing board and set a clear plan for myself...and execute it.

I did have one realization this morning. She treats everything else in life the way she is treating our marriage. Anytime something stops working, she just wants to throw it away and get a new one without trying to fix it first. That is what she is doing with us...it's not working, so she wants to throw it away and get a new one without trying to fix this one. Maybe I am stretching, but I think it says something about her approach to life.

L2,

I'm excited you realized your WW operates from the same thing you do...fear. She fears and runs. You feel that urge very much, also. Good to know, huh?

Now, take your focus and realizations off of her...it's a DJ of the highest order...to her and to you. Stop.

Stay on you. Your fear, your choices...all your power. Clarity is what you long for...seeing you for you, where you end and she begins and making a solid property line for YOU to respect.

You can do this. You are doing this...just from habit, straying over that line, back and forth, causing yourself a lot of grief.

Let us keep you clear on you. Not her. What are your LBs? What beliefs do you need to replace with more adult ones in yourself to stop LBs? Where do you feel helpless, powerless, choiceless?

Can you give yourself a clean slate? Do you know how? Have the desire? Part of Plan A is giving the WS what they crave most (from fear)...a clean slate. First, we do it for ourselves, then we inject respect and choose the perspective to see our WS new...respectfully. Separately. Equally. In these choices, we find our stride, know our power for the first time, and complete ourselves...not them.

Stay focused on you, L2. You're worth it.

LA

Thanks LA. You're right, I need to focus on myself. I was doing fine until I lost focus. Everytime that happens, things fall apart. I need to remember that I can only control myself, and right now I have to make myself a better person.

Re: LBs. I tried to be very honest with myself and this is what I have come up with. I am full of DJs. I always give the impression that no matter how much I say I respect her opinion, I feel that mine is superior. I try to tell myself that I respect her opinion, but I realize that I must not because I feel that once I present the argument, of course she will see I'm right. HOW UNATTRACTIVE! I also see that's why I am doing right now regarding our relationship. I feel like I just have to present a logical argument and she will "see the light." The only way she is going to change her opinion is through herself. I can only try to improve myself and show her what she is giving up. Actions...not words.

I am ashamed to admit that I have a tendency for angry outburts (AO). I have a bad temper. I never get physical, but that doesn't make it any more right. I have been making a conscious effort to work on this in the past 6 months. WW even made a comment about it recently, and I never even mentioned that I was working on it. My other problem is that if I don't blow up, I release through sarcasm. This is another behavior I have been working on, although not having the same success. Either way, I see that these behaviors have been emptying her Love Bank. Even though I have been trying to remove them, the cumulative effect may have left her exposed.

Finally, I see that my tendency to procrastinate was a major LB for her. She always felt that I could do better if I would start earlier. I knew this behavior bothered her, so I would always try to hide it. The results of my work would always speak for themselves though. I didn't do a poor job, just not as great as things could have been. She feels this behavior is engrained in me, when in reality, I was just too selfish to make a true effort to change it. I have recently with the current situation. I know I can do it. Either way, it is something I have to do for myself. I have to make myself a better person, whether I continue on with or without my wife.

Thanks for forcing me to look inside myself, LA. I know that there is a reason that WW is straying, and has to do with both of us...but I can't change her...I can only change me. And I do love myself. I am a good person, deserving of love and happiness.

ok Lost, you have not done Plan A at all. Plan A does not mean being cute for a couple of days and then giving her the silent treatment. Plan A involves everything I told you earlier: attracting her back while BUSTING UP THE AFFAIR. Plan A is pretty worthless if there is no consistency and nothing is done to bust up the affair.

You are just making it easy for the OM to destroy your marriage by doing NOTHING. Do you realize this?

Let me know when you are ready to get to work.

Remember this?

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A by Pepperband

The carrot of Plan A


Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.