First of all, I want to thank anyone who takes the time to read this and offer some bit of advice... I need it so badly. I'm at a loss what to do...
Background- met husband online in 99, got married a few months later, found him talking online to a woman only three months into marriage. Five months into marriage he says he is not "in love" with me. So, after a few days apart, he comes back and says he was wrong, etc. Everything was perfect after that and then we got pregnant. Had a child in June of 2000. Moved to my home state after birth of little girl.
Fast forward to 2003- found out from a girl online that he had met her and they had a "relationship" but did not have sex. He told her the marriage was over, lied to her, etc. and had no intention of leaving me. Found out shortly after that, there were a few other girls he had met. Two of which he had sex with each one time, one of them he had come to our home while I was out one evening doing karaoke with some family and friends.
During counseling, it came out that it was an addiction. Started with porn online, then chatting, then meeting a few girls for whatever... usually not sex, but like I said, two of them he did have sex with.
After working through that with off and on counseling and him recovering and working with our church to resolve/get better, he was really able to do it. I have no doubt that he stopped completely and has been faithful now.
HOWEVER, during the last three years I have cut him down, and basically tried to control everyhing b/c I felt everything was OUT of control since the infedelity. I call him stupid and bicker about everything. I know this is my fault. I've tried so hard to forgive and forget, and I have forgiven him in my heart, but my head has not forgotten the problems.
So, he told our church bishop he wants to work it out, that he ultimately wants to be married to me and wants to get through this, but his feelings have "died" inside. This happened after he got into a minor car accident and I belittled him and called him irresponsible b/c he did not get a police report, etc when the accident occurred. Most of the things I get really upset over are things that will affect us financially. He makes very little money, and I have no job.
So, the issue at hand is this- he told our bishop he wants to work it out, yet he does not speak to me at home, he does not call me from work ever (he used to call a few times a day) and he goes straight to bed when he gets home and is always soooooo tired. I think it's an avoidance thing to be honest. I am NOT yelling at him at all, but everytime I talk to him he thinks I'm trying to attack him or blame him and I pick and choose my words carefully now. I feel like I'm on eggshells. He just shut down completely.
If he wants it to work, why is he not doing ANYTHING? He gets up, goes to work, comes home and goes to bed. I can't take it anymore... I want to reach out and save us, but I have NO idea what to do.... He says "love you" to me, but there is NO feeling or emotion behind it. He initiated sex over the weekend, twice, which is highly unlike him, but I still felt no emotion or connection with him whatsoever.
I love this man with all my heart. If I didn't, I wouldn't have stayed through everything. We've been together 7 years. I just want it to work. I'm willing to do anything!
Please help.
