Post deleted by rainbowbeliever

rainbowbeliever

I feel your pain. I am in the same position as you. My WW is hurting me on a daily basis. I've been in plan A for the past 4 months but I haven't gone crazy. I am told by the experienced people here at MB that you need to focus on yourslef, on what you can do to make things better. I have evidence that my WW recently went to a hotel with the OM and still haven't eploded. I have tried to use reverse babble but that is no longer necessary since we don't talk much with each other anymore. It seems that reverse babble is good but up to a certain point when it can be interpreted as sarcasm so you should be careful with that.

I have started running in the morning and that helped me tremendously. I think you should try the same.

Also, since you're saying that your H is making tiny steps towards recovery I think that's great.

Take care

Post deleted by rainbowbeliever

Well yes Plan A is what you do regardless of whether WS is buying into the program or not. Yes sometimes you want to explode. Plan A is not easy when WS is still in the A but that's the deal. The purpose of Plan A is to get the WS to commit to recovery. Once that happens, you are no longer in Plan A - you are in R.

Post deleted by rainbowbeliever

What else do you have t/b in plan A for? I mean, if you have made your improvements..... u r done with plan A and if he is allowed to come back as an Xws, then what is he doing to earn your trust back?

Btw, if he insinuates or even breathes paranoia.....tell him you have every right t/b and does he want you to start being that way now?

See you don't have to fight it. Go with the flow and then whop! Send an RB back his way.

L.

You don't have a reason to trust him--so don't. And don't feel bad about snooping. They (WS's) will try to make you feel bad, but this is your life, too, and you have every right to check up on him. Also, from what I have read here, there is good keylogger software that is undetectable. You could keep it on long enough to get the passwords and then take it of the computer. And if he finds it and is upset--that goes to show he has something to hide--because this early in the game you'd be insane to trust him and he has to understand that. He won't now, as he is still a WS, but he will eventually when true NC is achieved.


Well, it's doubtful you'll ever know everything. But if you can snoop a little better, you can find out yourself and then confront.


It is easer to call it quits in so many ways, but the fight to save it is so worth it to--even of the marriage is not going to be recovered. Mine is not--the D will be final soon--but I am so thankful I gave it my all. I have no regrets now and feel so much stronger. This site, while about saving marriages, is also about getting YOU to a place of strength.