Just a little background (will try to keep brief).

15 months ago, DH was late getting home from work, 2-3 hrs. When he did get home,he told me he'd spent the day with a woman from work talking about issues in their respective marriages.

We began going to MC together shortly after that. In counseling, he said that OW wasn't the problem, the problem was himself, he wasn't happy, didn't know what to do about it. I asked him to stop seeing her or talking with her on a personal basis. Occasionally they have to have contact - she's in Admin, he's in IT. He stopped telling me things about her. I suspected things were still going on but had no proof.

Yesterday, I got into 2 of his email accounts and discovered emails between them. I confronted him with his lying. He said doesn't want to leave me but he's not sure he wants to put 100% into fighting for our marriage. They have had lunch several times a week for the last 6 months, exchanged I love you's (in another language), she's asked about his intentions, she has said she would love to meet his family, he has slapped her on the rump. All inappropriate behavior. And he knows it. She is willing to leave her marriage for him.

I don't know what to do. I want to confront her. I want to expose to her husband, to DH's boss (ask him for help in keeping them apart), I don't know.

Please help.

I would expose to his boss and her husband. The longer this inappropriate relationship goes on, the worse it will be for your marriage.

Don't give your husband any warning, just calmly do it.

His boss is out on vacation next 2 wks, but I was going to expose to her husband and her supervisor.

Any suggestions on how to expose to her husband? I was going to print emails and give to him.

Are the emails all you have? How about cell phone records / bills? What about taping your home phone?

I exposed to OMW in my situation 6 days ago. I had cell phone records and tapes of calls. I drove to her office, called her from the parking lot and asked if I could come see her (I did that so she wouldn't have time to call OM who could paint me as a "jealous husband").

Anyway, then I met with her for 4 hours.

One thing that may be different here is that I know the OMW and have for years. We are friends.

So, I would take whatever you have and go see them in person if at all possible.

I would also continue snooping very hard and expand to other things if you can (phone, cell phone, etc.).

I went directly to OW's home, knocked on the door, and asked to speak to her husband. I think it is good to do it in person, if possible.

You can tell her husband that his wife and your husband were having conversations that involved how he (her husband) indicated he wanted SF, how unhappy they were in their marriages, etc.

You can mention that your husband refuses to choose his marriage over his relationship with the OW. You might add that his wife realizes that she is coming between you and your husband, but she continues to ask about his intentions, say "I love you", and wants to meet his family.

Ask for his help in resolving this and protecting your marriages.

Yes, the emails are all I have.

His cell is through work, so I don't have access to his bills/records. I think he's smart enough to erase any record of calls. He doesn't talk from our home, only his cell.

OWH is in military. What about going to his CO? I wouldnt know the first thing about locating the CO, tho. I only know name and grade.

We have met, the four of us, but by no means are we friends or acquaintences.

I found evidence in an email that he is talking about introducing her to his friends, long time guy friends. Does this mean he's getting ready to get me out of the picture?

Thanks believer.

Problem with going to their house is that OWH is in military and they live on base, so I couldnt' get to their house if I wanted to.

Only opportunity would be catch them at LL; I don't know if he (OWH) will be there - she prob would be. So it will be either her alone or the two of them together.

You should be able to get on the base. At least on the base where I work (Camp Pendleton), civilians can get on with proof of insurance and a driver's license.

If that doesn't work, could you call him and ask him to meet you somewhere?

believer, you're just up the road from me!

Don't I have to have a reason or sponsor to get on base? It's Navy. I have a base tag on my car (for a diff base), just no military id to get me on.

Call the Provost Marshall or MP office, and ask. Usually, they will let folks on. Many people go to garage sales on our base - all they need is license and insurance. Usually people in housing have many visitors too.

You can go on base as a visitor as believer said.

I would not go to OWH Command. His command can't stop what his wife is doing. I would go directly to the OWH and tell him what you have found out.

WCG, be sure and print up the emails now and hide them NOW. Have you put a keylogger on his computer? If not, I would get one on there before you expose and program it so it emails you the reports. If you want some help with a good one, email me at the link below and I will walk you through this.

When you expose, DO NOT tell him how you know he is still in the affair. Don't give up your source of information.

I would suggest exposing the affair to his boss and the OWH all on the same day if you can. [there is no reason to expose to OWH's CO] This will cause the maximum impact from exposure. Do not let your H know you are planning on doing this. Other good exposure targets are his parents, her parents, siblings and ESPECIALLY his guy friends in your case. It sounds like he plans on bringing her around his friends.

Also, it is important to understand that they cannot work together anymore if you plan on saving your marriage. One of them will have to leave or recovery will be imossible. The reason this affair has dragged on like this is BECAUSE they continued to work together all this time. Just know that your H will have to leave this job if she doesnt if you expect to ever save your marriage.

Thanks Melody.

I got into two of his email accounts and fwd'd the emails to mine. I will be printing 2 or 3 copies of each.

Can't expose to OW's H and boss on same day; boss is on vacation for 2 wks. But I was going to expose to her boss.

DWH is in IT and would be able to spot keylogger. I'm not sure that he does any emailing from home, think it's all from work.

How else can I snoop? His cell is work issued - can I get records from the carrier, being that I'm not affiliated with the business?

WCG, you can place a voice activated recorder in his car. Does he use the home computer at all to communicate with her? Does he ever call her from your home phone?

No, I don't think he ever calls her from our home.

Use just any voice activated recorder? Are there some with longer recording time? I'd have to put it in his car every morning and retrieve it every evening.

WCoastGirl,



I wouldn't do this. OWH's Commander has no jurisdiction over OW and this would only antagonize OWH, IMO.

You certainly should be able to get on the military installation, but will have to register your vehicle for a day pass. I suggest simply calling him, telling him that you have some serious concerns regarding the developing relationship between your respective spouses and see if he will agree to meet you on neutral ground.

He could be one of your strongest allies in this fight to save your marriage. Many WS SAY they are readily willing to leave their current marriage, but most don't actually actually leave them.

Good luck to you.

Who

WCoastGirl, email me, I have a suggestion for your keylogger...

stillheremakingit@yahoo.com

keylogger. the tape recorder (micro hidden with volume up on 10). and my favorite was to enlist a PI. that's irrefutable evidence.

take all evidence to om and boss.

expose.

do it all same day within minutes of each other. don't get the aliens an opp to try to spin the sitch as "watch out for my crazy bw...she thinks we're having an affair" speech they try. even my xh tried it. But I had irrefutable proof and even showed HIM the video the pi's took of him walking out of restaurant wtih monkeyho hand in hand....and photos of him leaving casino with affair wife. he was...fogless for a moment.

blow it up. expose and expose well.